Suitedjustice's Ongoing Mid-life Crisis
I woke up in the middle of choking to death again; though to be accurate, it was towards the end of the process--woke up right away in a white hot panic with black spots of permanent unconsciousness swooping in across both sides of my vision.
Calm yourself, was the first important step. My lungs were soaked, steeped in the things that belonged only in my stomach, and locked up tight. My air passage was blocked and burning with bile and hydrochloric acid. No, I don't have asthma. I have a drinking problem.
Spoiler
Though, now that I think about it, is that inhaler thing any good? Maybe I'll try a hit sometime, just to see.
This was last Friday, just a few hours after I'd quit my office job of twelve years to take a shot at playing poker for a living out West in Nevada. This will not be my first shot at gambling for a living; although I have only tried something like this once before, many years ago.
Around the turn of the century I quit college most of the way through my senior year and I moved out to Las Vegas for 8 years. My experiences were somewhat of interest: rampant drunkenness, a stolen lab animal, solid card counting, North Korean meth, time spent with Mormons, advantage slot grinding, a cowardly pass on an FBI Most Wanted bounty, facing contempt of court charges, and dressing up as Albus Dumbledore. You can find that in my BBV thread.
[U][url]https://forumserver.twoplustwo.c...[/U][/URL] .
That thread held up pretty well in BBV, which is not nothing.
Starting meditative relaxation can be problematic when you're dying from choking on your own puke. I sat up straight, blind from the black splotches that had slapped away the weak light of the kitchen stove. I dropped my shoulders, relaxed my chest and upper arms, and then, projecting calm with all my might, I tried my throat. I pictured my lungs and throat opening up just a tiny passage, for just a little air to go by--something to get me started. And they did, untethering just the smallest little rivulet of air, and it made the most terrifying sound as it went through. It always does.
Whatever you've heard from actors pretending to gasp after being choked, the reality is worse. At least no one was with me this time. When that's been the case, the other person has invariably freaked the **** out when they've heard my gasping and choking routine, which only adds the burden of myself having to reassure them through nodding and non-frantic gestures, so that they won't call 911, as I hate the idea of calling the cops.
April 13th of this year was 14 months without me having a drink. During that long stretch I had honestly forgotten why I'd quit. That's right, I had completely purged from my recall the years of nighttime memories of myself almost choking to death, this happening once or twice every couple of weeks on average. Now, the terrifying night wakeups didn't happen even once during the 14 dry months. But 3 weeks back into drinking--oh yeah--there was that thing, wasn't there?.
Now, there was something else I'd forgotten about. And that's the Double Tap. The Double Tap happens when I don't force my drunk and tired and traumatized self to remain awake for a good two or three hours after a choking incident. If I fall back asleep before then, I wake up choking to death all over again. And sure enough, that happened last Friday, and I had to save myself again.
So on Saturday I jumped back on the waggy, and Cinco de Mayo is now my new anniversary date, and that's really enough about drinking. I'm not here to write about that business. I should have been done with it; and now I am.
My flight leaves for Reno in a few hours, and I'll be out there for the next 3 weeks scouting out the live poker games in the city. If I like it, that's where I'm moving to.
New Year; Clear Goals
I wish everyone a very happy New Year!
I recognize that this is just an arbitrary date. It's not even a Solstice, although it's close. Nor is the Earth in the same place it was at this time on January 1st, 2023; we're many millions of miles away from there thanks to our solar system's journey around the Milky Way, not to mention that our home galaxy is also hauling ass relative to the other galaxies...except for Andromeda. We're going to smash into Andromeda, but that's neither here nor there.
I do love dates and years. I'm a history nerd. I can't help myself. A while back I talked about the things the priests and priestesses and shamans used to do to as instinctual evolutionary functions, but I forgot to mention that they also kept the calendars relatively in line, so that we knew when to plant and when to harvest, when to feast and when to save things up for the coming lean times.
The cycle of the year and the seasons will always be important to at least a few of us. In any case, I'm going with the New Years clichés and setting some goals, some resolutions if you will.
I quit my desk job in May of last year, but I did not turn pro as a gambler, because I didn't work at it for nearly enough hours. My experience last year was more along the lines of a sabbatical that was partially funded by occasional gambling.
I would like 2024 to be a true professional year for me, with a professional income resulting from it. To accomplish that, I will need to do three things.
(1) Stay off the booze completely, no exceptions and no exemptions.
(2) Put in the hours at the casino.
(3) Move up to $2/$5, by year's end at the latest.
As far as the running tally goes, I'm resetting it for 2024. What happened beforehand is water under the bridge. I want to tally up a professional income for this year, so I'm resetting it to zero—and I'm starting with today's session.
MGM Springfield $1/$2 poker: 4 hours
(-$138.00)
MGM Springfield Slots: 6 hours
+$146.62
2024 Running Poker Total: 4 hours, (-$138.00)
2024 Running Slot Total: 6 hours, +$146.62
2024 Grand Total: 10 hours, +$8.62
Good luck, sj!
Also, don't forget that our orbit isn't a perfect number of days. So, even relative to the sun, we're not quite in the same place as we were a year ago.
I'm going to call that growth, not something to be disappointed by.
Good luck SJ. I like the idea of the reset/starting fresh. The story about the talkative guy makes me uneasy.
Happy new year.
AA
Good luck, sj!
Also, don't forget that our orbit isn't a perfect number of days. So, even relative to the sun, we're not quite in the same place as we were a year ago.
I'm going to call that growth, not something to be disappointed by.
Thanks golddog! There's that old trope that if you want to travel through time, you'll have to travel correspondingly through space, or the Earth won't be there for you when you arrive.
Good luck SJ. I like the idea of the reset/starting fresh. The story about the talkative guy makes me uneasy.
Happy new year.
AA
Happy New Year, AnyAce! I'm keeping my eye out for that dude. He should be easy to spot because he was wearing a Covid mask down under his chin. People who do that tend to wear the mask every day, and I almost never see them using the mask in the way it was intended.
Today I woke up feeling hopeful and energetic, and that was very strange at first, as I hadn't woken up that way in so long, I'd forgotten that it was possible.
When I'm drinking, I don't suffer from bad hangovers very often, but I do wake up feeling a little low every day. I had been drinking so steadily for so long that I took this as the normal way to wake up. It was nice to be reminded that I don't have to start the day like that.
I am lucky that I'm not physically addicted to alcohol. People have died from just stopping like I have, from the withdrawal symptoms alone.
Me: I just miss it psychologically. But I can handle that.
I played a short session today, and I usually have a few tells that I assign myself to look for each session. Today, one of my assigned tells was to keep an eye out for anyone looking at the dealer and announcing their bet to them. That's usually a sign of strength, although some players always do it, regardless of their hand strength.
Wouldn't you know it, I picked up pocket aces and caught myself announcing my $12 open to the dealer. Fortunately, no one else picked up on it, and I won a nice pot.
MGM Springfield $1/$2 poker: 3.5 hours
+$41.00
MGM Springfield Slots: 2.5 hours
+$230.53
2024 Running Poker Total: 7.5 hours, (-$97.00)
2024 Running Slot Total: 8.5 hours, +$377.15
2024 Grand Total: 16 hours, +$280.15
Spoiler
Blouse of Hogs
Day 4 on the wagon is passing with no apparent physical withdrawal. The slot floor grows ever more crowded with advantage grinders, and I've been finding fewer plays there; however, I've hit a bit of a sun run on the plays that I have found, so the money keeps rolling in; well over EV, it seems, although I couldn't tell you what the EV should be on these things.
On the poker front: it feels like I've started the last dozen sessions getting coolered or rivered, or whiffing on bluffs or monster draws, and finding myself stuck $200 or so within the first half hour. I've been soldiering on, though, and I've managed to break slightly better than even for the last two poker sessions.
MGM Springfield $1/$2 poker: 3.5 hours
+$21.00
MGM Springfield Slots: 4.5 hours
+$409.76
2024 Running Poker Total: 11 hours, (-$76.00)
2024 Running Slot Total: 13 hours, +$786.91
2024 Grand Total: 24 hours, +$710.91
Happy New Year SJ. Good luck on the new resolutions, especially the drinking one. I always weird feel like drinking is a way to physically punish oneself. If you can find better way to do that through some form of exercise, something physical I feel like that’s the best way stop the urge.
Still trying to figure out why advantage slots is better than just playing gooder at the poker tables long term? Nonetheless make the money while it’s working and when you feel the variance/momentum shift, do gooder at pokerz and you’ll be at 2/5 before you know it big bro!
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Happy New Year SJ. Good luck on the new resolutions, especially the drinking one. I always weird feel like drinking is a way to physically punish oneself. If you can find better way to do that through some form of exercise, something physical I feel like that’s the best way stop the urge.
Happy New Year, Da_Nit!
My friend Will has been on the wagon for a few years now and he swears by frequent good walks and hikes. I've had a couple of nice walks this year so far, and I'll keep up with that.
Still trying to figure out why advantage slots is better than just playing gooder at the poker tables long term? Nonetheless make the money while it’s working and when you feel the variance/momentum shift, do gooder at pokerz and you’ll be at 2/5 before you know it big bro!
Hi Natamus! Thanks for stopping by.
I'm going to extract the gold while it's still in the hills. This generation of slots likely has a year left in it at this rate. Meanwhile, I've been keeping up with my poker instruction videos and putting in more play time. It comes to mind, though, that I haven't been reviewing hands. I should start doing that again.
Watched this for the first time minutes after my post above.
Day off today, and I've decided to start catching up on 30 years of unwatched television, now that I have the tools to do it.
I haven't had cable or satellite or broadcast TV since the early 1990s. At an estimated average of $50 per month not spent, I've saved around $18000...which I spent on booze, mostly.
However, while I've sat unsteadily up on my cheapskate high horse, I've missed—if not The Golden Age, then at least—a golden age of television.
So far I've finished or caught up with three shows: Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power, Shoresy, and What We Do in the Shadows.
I've already watched Battlestar Galactica, Breaking Bad, Deadwood, Lost, Sex and the City, Six Feet Under, Venture Brothers, and some of the Star Trek series through DVDs or YouTube or what have you.
Here are the shows that I'm watching or would like to watch. I'm open to further suggestions, but I don't really like cop shows, medical shows or procedurals, so stuff like ER, CSI or The Wire are out.
11.22.63
30 Rock
Andor
Arrested Development
Babylon 5
Barry
Blackadder
Better Call Saul
Bojack Horseman
The Boys
Castle Rock
Community
Curb Your Enthusiasm
The Expanse
Fleabag
Game of Thrones
The Good Place
Handmaid's Tale
I, Claudius
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
The Last of Us
Mad Men
Mr. Robot
The Office
Parks & Recreation
Rick and Morty
Seinfeld
Squid Game
The Sopranos
Stranger Things
Ted Lasso
Twin Peaks
Under the Dome
Westworld
Wheel of Time
Speaking of cheap: my local dispensary is offering a sale on a certain brand of gummies: 10 gummies for $5. That works out around 60c per gummy after taxes. I bought 4 packs.
On with the show...
Here are the shows that I'm watching or would like to watch. I'm open to further suggestions.
Missing a few elite shows in that list :
- True Detective (S1 is a must)
- Stargate Universe (if you like dark metaphysical and existential)
- Devs (by Alex Garland on predetermism)
- Queen's Gambit
- Dark
- Watchmen
- Black Mirror
- Peaky Blinders
- The Night Of
- Ozark
- Dexter
- Godless
Mr Robot is my favorite all time 
Not sure if you're into political satire, but I'd add Veep to your list. Of course, it was a lot funnier before it happened IRL.
nice list, Suited. I came in to mention True Detective (S1 only) but Dubn beat me to the punch (and now I've added Mr. Robot to my list )
I'd consider including Atlanta. It's probably the best show I've seen in the last 4-5 years, alongside Andor and Bedda Call Saul.
GL in 2024!
FWIW, i second the following from Dubn:
Ozark
Peaky Blinders
Queens Gambit
and would add:
Slow Horses
Lazarus Project
Oh yeah, an Aussie show, Mr. Inbetween. Only three seasons, IIRC, but quite good.
Shows not mentioned yet:
- 24
- Santa Clarita Diet
- Sherlock (BBC). Sort of a cop show though.
Thanks to everyone for these excellent suggestions! I've added most of them to my list.
I have seen the first season of True Detective. Really excellent stuff. I've always felt that Woody Harrelson is underrated. Watch him in Natural Born Killers, The Grand and True Detective and you'll get a good idea of his range.
I'm not watching everything at once. My plan is to have 5 shows going at a time. When I get to the end of one series, I'll add a new one into the mix of 5.
The current 5 are:
11.22.63
Better Call Saul
The Boys
The Handmaid's Tale
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
We're getting a foot (30cm) of snow today, so I'm home again. Back to the tables tomorrow evening if the road conditions allow. MGM has brought back their excellent football promo for Sundays only, so I need to be there for the sweet rakeback.
Suggested adds for the streaming list:
Justified
Falling Skies
The Expanse
Burn Notice
I could add a bunch of crime series from England, Australia and New Zealand but i gather this is not your sweet spot
I would add The Bear to the list. Two of the episodes in the second season are two of the very best episodes of anything I have seen.
Justified is a must - move it way up the list!!
Hell on Wheels - great western!
I don't really like cop shows, medical shows or procedurals, so stuff like ER, CSI or The Wire are out.
The Wire is not a procedural, and not really a cop show, but a show about rebels in institutions; you might even say you learn how the US works in that show. I would consider giving it a shot. My favorite scene:
+1 to Veep; a similar British show is "The Thick Of It", where Peter Capaldi plays the Enforcer of the British PM.
On the Sci-Fi side, I can recommend "Foundation"; that's ongoing though with 2 seasons out.
Series that I really liked not mentioned yet:
Fringe
Yellowjackets
Big little lies
