MY LAST SHOT AT POKER

allright lads, everytime I say I'm not gonna update for a while but then I proceed to still update. Anyway because I blogged a bunch this year and because I put you through all these boring long text posts I felt the need to share some sort of 2023 graph and poker year wrap-up to compromise a little 😉

I tried to import the last 200k hands of the year (because once again after tilt sess created new db 😃 as a "fresh start") to my main databass but after 3 attemps I gave up. Just did the 2hour import thing again, went out and when I came back 70k hands missing.... So unfortunately will have share it in two parts:

Around 5evbb for the year. I'm content with it, because of the obvious mental game/performance struggles but also because it's inflated by zoom (had like 4bb in zoom this year). Important to note (and I assume this isn't a suprise) I lost a lot higher and won a lot lower. Also paid insane amount of rake of which I got quite some back in $$ but imo %wise too low, I try to not complain too much about those things but just want to say for me rake is the biggest enemy of online poker on (lowstakes) midstakes.

Also quite some hands untracked, about some of it I have posted already (post about how I degened my roll away). Some of it was on GG here in Vienna. I have imported Barely any of my hands played on GG so not really displayed on the graph posted above. There is not much to show anyway, I made quite some money there but most of it was rakeback. After one mega tilt session end of August which I posted about in here, I locked myself in the house and played close to builderman-volume (also facing him a lot, he played suprisingly well) on gg for 2 weeks still with a good pvi and was able to do really well $wise. On the regtables I still did ok having 3evbb or whatever on mix of 200 and 500 (<60k hand sample or whatever so doesnt say anything). And in 200rnc I punted a lot of stacks of away and I'm convinced I'm losing hard in that pool also if I play there now. Not because the competition is tough, but meta is so incredibly-incredibly tight (also those autofold charts, so recs also supertight) and I'm just not disciplined enough to play there. I can try it and do ok for couple k hands but always the same thing happens when I start calling 4bets with TT tight positions. Slipping up there and make a couple undisciplined calldowns is just winrate suicide there.... I stopped playing on gg because 1. too stressfull, low winrate high variance 2. This "high- rake, shitreg get more %rakeback system" just bothers me, I try to be less of a crybaby about this 3. Essentially I'm gambling decent part of my year ev with risking not binking a jackpot or any jackpot $ for 12 months which is very possible. 4. high volume rakeback grinding is not for me (a conclusion that is repeated over 17 times here already 😉). I'm still keeping the option open to play 500nl there at some point. In terms of action it's the best (not considering rake). But I need to have a bigger bankroll for the swings there and have a better plan vs the recs and regfishes from Asia. They are very tight, but also very unpredictable and tricky and I did only well vs them bluelining.

In terms of run, I think until September I ran pretty well. It's not displayed in the graph because I lost my mind in March. But I think it's important to mention and appreciate lifetime I still run decent especially in the first year of this journey. Just the last couple months of the year were brutal and swingy. I started regbattling morning hours 500nl on stars (+ mixing other sites 500), and went down$10k-back up$10k-down$10k in like 7/8 days. I stopped reg battling 500 after that. Also including like 20bi under ev untracked(mainly gg), around 70bi under ev for the year. Luckily it didn't happen in the period when I was rebuilding my roll from almost scratch, but still it adds up. Facing runbad makes me understand and respect variance more. And gives me a more professional attitude towards the game (table selecting, playing good quality volume). But sometimes it's hard. Last couple months I'm running insanely bad on stars, and even though I know it's ridiculous - I don't want to play there anymore 😃 Just an example of how variance can **** with you. Will not stop playing there because of that reason ofc 😃

Always when I **** up with like big tilt sess or anything like that, I go on a rant about how I'm not making progress and it's just a ticking timebomb to do it again. But honestly when I zoom out and reflect I see that I'm making steady progress on the mental game/performance side of things. I just realized I'm a slow learner, and I learn by experience. And this gave me a boost in trusting the process. In the first year when I went to Malta with a 6k bankroll to play 100z I was genuinely convinced I was a winner in those games. And even now 2 years later I still think my technical game was good enough for (low) xbb/100h + some rakeback, but to play somewhat reasonable state of mind/professional poker was so incredibly hard for me back then. And it wasn't working out. And now 2 years later, it's still a grind for me to just play normal focused poker. And I ****ed up many times this year, so many 10+bi tiltsessions. So many 0 equity punts. So many $ wasted on tilt, including busting a $22k bankroll in 2 weeks completely losing my mind. But still somehow instead of the -2bb I had back then, I now have +5bb. This is a big w for me. And it shows that I'm making progress. That not only my a-game but also my terrible c-game autopilot spewstrats are improving. And that I'm slowly improving with dealing with adversity. And also in terms of $ it still has been a decent year. Less than I hoped and aimed for, but still good and something I would have taken if offered before the start of 2023. And I'm confident that I can keep making progress, and if I play this year 30% of my volume on tilt instead of the 50% (these are just random numbers haha, but to make a point) of last year. That will be another big w.

2024 I want to focus more on life and less on poker like I discussed above. I"m gonna move back to the Netherlands and share an apartment somewhere with one of my best friends and I'm excited about that. Other than that I want to go to Argentina for a month or 2 and maybe a small US livetrip. I have never been there and would really want to go, and I would like to mix that with playing some live poker. I wrote down some life-goals (or more a to-do list) and plan of action (like doing therapy, work on depression etc.) but I like to keep that for myself.

Some goals for poker:
no zoom
Play more live
Learn basics of tournaments (this was also a goal for last year but couldn't be bothered)

Maybe will start updating again later this year. For now no need to document everything since the focus is not so much on poker. I'm now playing 200-500nl on a couple sites. And if I play those same stakes at the end of this year, I'm genuinely content with that. This year I was too focused on "the climb above", and besides good work ethic for studying this was part problem at times. Because my expectations were too high, but mental game too weak. Right now I genuinely accepted that in terms of tilt and performance/focusing, I come from 0. And at least part of my personality, doesn't exactly fit something volatile as poker. And improving this, which is the whole point of this thread, is a slow steady curve feed by experience.

The dream is still alive lads

New best session in terms of $ won. Normally my brain doesn't allow me to enjoy a small pieces of success. But this time it's different, and it feels good. Now clearly this doesn't mean I should identify my happiness/sadness with how much money I'm making/losing, that's not a great strategy for poker I think 😃 But it means when a new milestone or achievement occurs, my brain now identifies that it didn't just magically appear, and allows me to feel good about it. I'm still a mental game whale, but a bit less than yesterday. And hopefully tomorrow I can say the same

[converted_hand][hand_history]$10 NL (6 max) - Holdem - 5 players
Hand converted by Holdem Manager 3

UTG: $1,062.87 (106.3 bb)
CO: $397.75 (39.8 bb)
BTN: $1,000.00 (100 bb)
Hero (SB): $1,000.00 (100 bb)
BB: $1,000.00 (100 bb)

Hero posts SB $5.00, BB posts $10.00

Pre Flop: (pot: $15.00) Hero has J♣ K♣
UTG raises to $20.00, CO calls $20.00, BTN calls $20.00, Hero raises to $155.00, fold, UTG calls $135.00, 2 folds

Flop: ($360.00, 2 players) 8♦ 6♣ 4♦
Hero bets $108.00, UTG calls $108.00

Turn: ($576.00, 2 players) A♠
Hero bets $172.80, UTG calls $172.80

River: ($921.60, 2 players) T♥
Hero bets $564.20 and is all-in, UTG calls $564.20

Results: $2,050.00 pot ($10.00 rake)
Final Board: 8♦ 6♣ 4♦ A♠ T♥

Hero shows J♣ K♣: (High Card, Ace)
(Pre 44%, Flop 27%, Turn 0%)

UTG shows T♦ A♥: (Two Pair, Aces and Tens)
(Pre 56%, Flop 73%, Turn 100%)

UTG wins $2,030.00
[/hand_history][/converted_hand]

[converted_hand][hand_history]$10 NL (6 max) - Holdem - 6 players
Hand converted by Holdem Manager 3

MP: $1,238.88 (123.9 bb)
Hero (CO): $1,000.00 (100 bb)
BTN: $1,310.75 (131.1 bb)
SB: $990.00 (99 bb)
BB: $1,000.00 (100 bb)
UTG: $612.47 (61.2 bb)

SB posts $5.00, BB posts $10.00

Pre Flop: (pot: $15.00) Hero has A♣ Q♠
UTG raises to $20.00, fold, Hero raises to $70.00, 3 folds, UTG calls $50.00

Flop: ($155.00, 2 players) 9♦ 5♦ 9♣
UTG checks, Hero bets $46.50, UTG calls $46.50

Turn: ($248.00, 2 players) 6♠
UTG checks, Hero checks

River: ($248.00, 2 players) A♠
UTG checks, Hero bets $883.50 and is all-in, UTG calls $495.97 and is all-in

Results: $1,239.94 pot ($10.00 rake)
Final Board: 9♦ 5♦ 9♣ 6♠ A♠

Hero shows A♣ Q♠: (Two Pair, Aces and Nines)
(Pre 69%, Flop 79%, Turn 86%)

UTG shows A♥ J♥: (Two Pair, Aces and Nines)
(Pre 31%, Flop 21%, Turn 14%)

Hero wins $1,219.94
[/hand_history][/converted_hand]

[converted_hand][hand_history]$5 NL (6 max) - Holdem - 2 players
Hand converted by Holdem Manager 3

SB: $500.00 (100 bb)
Hero (BB): $500.00 (100 bb)

SB posts $2.00, Hero posts BB $5.00

Pre Flop: (pot: $7.00) Hero has 9♥ J♣
SB raises to $15.00, Hero calls $10.00

Flop: ($30.00, 2 players) 7♥ K♥ T♠
Hero checks, SB bets $9.90, Hero raises to $47.25, SB calls $37.35

Turn: ($124.50, 2 players) 3♣
Hero bets $93.38, SB calls $93.38

River: ($311.26, 2 players) 8♣
Hero bets $344.37 and is all-in, SB calls $344.37 and is all-in

Results: $1,000.00 pot ($2.00 rake)
Final Board: 7♥ K♥ T♠ 3♣ 8♣

Hero shows 9♥ J♣: (Straight, Jack High)
(Pre 44%, Flop 36%, Turn 18%)

SB shows 5♥ K♦: (One Pair, Kings)
(Pre 56%, Flop 64%, Turn 82%)

Hero wins $993.00
[/hand_history][/converted_hand]

Sick. Hope the grind is going well overall.

Any live volume?

Yooooo he's back, u love to see it!

Pretty decent session, nothing special, just another day at the office amirite?

Lets gooooooooooo!

I saw some video about him and I remembered this session mentioned above. This aged well haha crushing that last donkey at 1k (which happened to be me) must have been the stepping stone to nose bleeds for him

(between when I wrote this and now been crushed like that quite a few times, "Sifiasco" and some HU reg on euro site stand out)

New milestone: Biggest pot in my pokerjourney so far ($5.5k), excluding the tiltdegen highstakes shots from last year ofcourse. I was not tilted or overly emotional after this hand but I had trouble focusing afterwards for a bit, because I was a bit perplexed I just played an 1100bb pot in a 2/5 game haha. I only had 42% eq to ship the full pot anyway, and I was sitting there with acceptance of a scenario like this might happening. Still for the occasion please allow me to share my pain:

[converted_hand][hand_history]$5 Ante $2 NL - Holdem - 9 players
Hand converted by Holdem Manager 3

MP+2: $1,000.00 (200 bb)
CO: $1,007.20 (201.4 bb)
BTN: $1,057.35 (211.5 bb)
SB: $2,206.10 (441.2 bb)
Hero (BB): $3,008.51 (601.7 bb)
UTG: $973.50 (194.7 bb)
UTG+1: $3,246.39 (649.3 bb)
MP: $1,000.00 (200 bb)
MP+1: $2,518.07 (503.6 bb)

9 players post ante of $2.00, SB posts $2.00, Hero posts BB $5.00

Pre Flop: (pot: $193.00) Hero has K♥ A♥
Hero raises to $421.00, 5 folds, CO raises to $1,005.20 and is all-in, fold, SB calls $845.20, Hero raises to $3,006.51 and is all-in, SB calls $1,198.90 and is all-in

Flop: ($5,431.40, 3 players) J♦ 2♠ 9♠

Turn: ($5,431.40, 3 players) 4♣

River: ($5,431.40, 3 players) 3♥

Results: $5,431.40 pot ($7.99 rake)
Final Board: J♦ 2♠ 9♠ 4♣ 3♥

Hero shows K♥ A♥: (High Card, Ace)
Main Pot: [$3,033.60]: (Pre 44%, Flop 4%, Turn 0%)
Side Pot: [$2,397.80]: (Pre 68%, Flop 4%, Turn 0%)

CO shows T♠ T♦: (One Pair, Tens)
Main Pot: [$3,033.60]: (Pre 36%, Flop 12%, Turn 5%)

SB shows 9♣ J♠: (Two Pair, Jacks and Nines)
Main Pot: [$3,033.60]: (Pre 19%, Flop 83%, Turn 95%)
Side Pot: [$2,397.80]: (Pre 32%, Flop 96%, Turn 100%)

SB wins $5,419.41
[/hand_history][/converted_hand]

Later on got a big one in my favour, respect to villain for finding this gangsterbluff:

[converted_hand][hand_history]$10 NL (6 max) - Holdem - 6 players
Hand converted by Holdem Manager 3

BB: $1,706.65 (170.7 bb)
UTG: $3,323.82 (332.4 bb)
MP: $1,054.95 (105.5 bb)
CO: $1,040.25 (104 bb)
Hero (BTN): $1,893.76 (189.4 bb)
SB: $1,005.00 (100.5 bb)

SB posts $5.00, BB posts $10.00

Pre Flop: (pot: $15.00) Hero has 3♠ 3♥
fold, MP raises to $25.00, fold, Hero calls $25.00, fold, BB raises to $135.40, MP calls $110.40, Hero calls $110.40

Flop: ($411.20, 3 players) Q♦ 3♦ K♣
BB bets $90.00, fold, Hero calls $90.00

Turn: ($591.20, 2 players) A♥
BB bets $505.00, Hero calls $505.00

River: ($1,601.20, 2 players) 4♦
BB bets $976.25 and is all-in, Hero calls $976.25

Results: $3,553.70 pot ($10.00 rake)
Final Board: Q♦ 3♦ K♣ A♥ 4♦

BB shows T♠ T♦: (One Pair, Tens)
(Pre 81%, Flop 16%, Turn 14%)

Hero shows 3♠ 3♥: (Three of a Kind, Threes)
(Pre 19%, Flop 84%, Turn 86%)

Hero wins $3,533.70
[/hand_history][/converted_hand]

So recently things are going alright, there is progress and more stability in terms of mental game/performance etc. Also myself I'm doing alright, still sometimes I struggle with depression for certain period but overall things are going well especially last few months.

Speaking about the mental game type thing: For me handling adversity well in poker consist of 2 parts: dealing well with emotion in the moment itself, and the attachment to losing/winning (aka results) and success - so more or less "why" there is an emotional responds (And I guess swearing at my monitor because getting 4bet 6times in a row by the same ashole is part of this as well but I"m not gonna write about that right now). With both things I'm making progress despite some slip ups that usually start with skipping habits. Especially with feeling/identifying/understanding emotions and also dealing with them well, this also applies for real life. But I want to talk about the other one: the attachment to results>success. Like clearly during these couple years I've made the mistake way too many times to be too emotional attached to my results. When I started this journey I adapted some pretty bad habits early on because I didn't know better, like in my head I didn't respect variance and when I played losing I thought I was an idiot, and when I was winning I thought I was a super-crusher waiting to climb. And so the result of this was unconsciously attaching self-worth to results, which clearly is super toxic. Now since a year or so I'm really trying to not give a **** about results but more important not give a **** about about success. I've made posts about this in the past, how I'm pursuing success and money for the wrong reason; to chase validation. And ever since there is understanding why I was so hungry for success I'm trying to work on this. To focus on something else, something less toxic, something in my control. I have this idea in my head who I want to be/who I am, and I'm happy with that. I just try to live up to my values and that's how I (try to) judge my happiness. This "system" is really working for me. because not only me but also my brain genuinely believes it, so it's not that I think I'm fooling myself with this, which happened a bit in the past.

Now this sounds all nice in theory, but when things are going well and I'm reaching new heights of short-term success, my head keeps going completely over the top hahaha It's so typical. And man did it happen again last month. The month started well in terms of results, and from the start it was looking like it was gonna be a monster-month. I kept tackling the thought about big money and everything. But at some point, like always, I lost of control of these thoughts. And its so easy to attach your happiness to success when you are in this flow. Especially when you check the balance at around half of the month to see you are up $25k, also at just starting to play 1k. It was almost a sort of high, I was walking around in the street just thinking about making bank. I know it's ridiculous, but because I was aware of it (despite just letting it happen) it was sort of funny at the same time aswell hahaha and even now I see the humor in it. Because of the high motivation, but also because I was gonna take a week off on the 20th of May because I had a trip planned with friends (and basically take off for rest of the month) - I kept pushing and pushing voume while becoming more and more a tired zombie. And holy **** did it backfire, at some point I was way too tired playing way too long of sessions and in that last weekend of playing I lost around 16k between the last 2 days. It's so typical for this journey. There was also very badrun, and not necessarily supertilt or anything like that (had some slip ups, and played very bad overall). But just mainly me being a zombie playing -ev 1k line ups trying to rechase that high. And ofcourse in the 2 days after (because I wanted to take some more days off before the trip to feel more fresh) I felt very low, and felt like an idiot to make the same mistake again and again and again... Because this is the problem with attaching your hapiness to success, when things are going well it's easy to feel good. But then when things are going bad you fall down and feel like a loser. And yeah I fell for this trap once again.

This is nl1k results from that weekend where I had the most losses during this period (during this timeframe won a bit on 500). I"m still up around +10k for the month so all in all thats fine. I'm not trying to have a money goal or something for obvious reasons but would say 10k is roughly around my month ev (if we don"t include 1k) I think, Ofcourse this is just an estimation and could be off.

Now here comes to nice part and (always supercliche haha) moral of the story: I explained it briefly to my friends in the pub the same way I talked about it here, with a bit of humor how over the top I was going and how typical this is 😃 And for the rest I really great time on the trip the last 4/5 days not even thinking about poker. And now when feeling super refreshed again going back to grind. I'm still not mad that it happened. The nice mindset (which is not result-oriented like I described above) is completely back. And about the poker itself; I took a risk, and it backfired. And I can almost see the beauty in it. We learn from it, and the next time I hope to use this experience to **** up a little bit less when I'm half burned-out chasing big money. And every time I try to progress a bit 😀

Enough cliches for now. I have a bunch of non-poker things scheduled next month so will grind whenever there is time. Until next heater I'm gonna be very careful with nl1k. I will still play it but I try to be a bit more aware about the rake and lines ups that I play. Some players are clearly better than me and I have to respect that a bit more also. At some point I will try to play more and more depending on how the upcoming weeks are going. This sounds like something that could create attachment to results, but I don't feel that much rush to play it anyway. I Just focus on 500nl and some other games. Currently I'm pretty confident that I can lose a bit higher (like I did this month) here and there but still do alright. And this takes away pressure from these shots. I sort of stopped making a big deal out of it like I did last year too much, unless if things are going too well of course 😉 I'm not gonna do regularly updates or something like that unless I feel like updating, I just wanted to share this little experience. Peace 😀

So I'm far from the ultimate poker professor, so far I'm not even beating 1k. But still I feel like I'm qualified to share this special knowledge. maybe there is some micro/lowstakes grinder out there I can inspire with sharing the secret to true success in poker.

Forgot about; knowing where the ev comes from, trying to attack spots your opponent might slip up, understanding your own strategy and spots people might adjust to you, Playing solid poker while steadily progressing and complicating your strategy over time, playing well vs recrational players, dealing well with adversity, having a routine and try to aim for consistency in your poker career. No, that's all bullshit some scamartist trying to tell you into tricking you in buying his course. Hands like this is really where the ev comes from:

[converted_hand][hand_history]$5 NL (6 max) - Holdem - 6 players
Hand converted by Holdem Manager 3

Hero (BB): $500.00 (100 bb)
UTG: $834.95 (167 bb)
MP: $362.66 (72.5 bb)
CO: $1,582.63 (316.5 bb)
BTN: $701.73 (140.3 bb)
SB: $479.15 (95.8 bb)

SB posts $2.00, Hero posts BB $5.00

Pre Flop: (pot: $7.00) Hero has 9♣ 6♦
4 folds, SB calls $3.00, Hero checks

Flop: ($10.00, 2 players) K♣ K♠ 5♣
SB bets $5.00, Hero raises to $11.00, SB raises to $22.00, Hero raises to $62.50, SB raises to $103.00, Hero raises to $167.80, fold

Results: $216.00 pot ($8.00 rake)
Final Board: K♣ K♠ 5♣

Hero shows 9♣ 6♦: (One Pair, Kings)
(Pre 0%)

Hero wins $203.00
[/hand_history][/converted_hand]

This is what poker is all about. It's all about mindlessly leveling yourself to show villain who's boss. The trick to success in poker is to value ego over ev/money. This way you go far and have actual success. The gto nits are just passing around coolers to eachother while you make "the real exploits". Trust me when I say this: It's not borderline superspew agression, it's called "having bluffs everywhere". Imagine how hard you become to play against if you just go mindlessly out of line anywhere with obvious uncontrolled agression. And also important, when he folds to the 6bet make sure you insta show your hand. Just so he will potentially go for the 7bet next time which allows us to score even more ego-points by us being able to 8bet. Also make a screenshot of the hand asap and make sure to send it to all your poker friends on discord, just because they deserve to know the secret to success in poker also (and not because you are just looking for some laughing emoji's as validation 😉)

And even if he snaps off the 10bet with K5o and you are drawing dead. You still take the moral high ground, you are the man with the balls of steel that's not scared to go slightly out of line here and there because it benefits strategical purposes. And remember yourself he is the little nit just having the nuts every time. It's not your fault. The last thing you should do in this situation is reflect. Just make sure to block all emotions and try to erase the hand history from your mind immediately. Make sure to check if no one was spectating the table and also go into your databass to purge the hand in question. The next step is to emotionally chase the losses you just had from that "cooler" (because surely a cooler it was) vs that nit. Look for high variance spots and while doing this keep thinking about the 100bb you just punted off even if you are trying not to think about it. You are only allowed to chill and play normal and focussed if you have 1. you made back the 100bb by coolering someone (or) 2. Make another small exploit aka ridiculous bluff that somehow last second tank goes through, so your mind will trick yourself into thinking you have got the ev back.

Ok that was it, please don't skip any step in order for it to be maximum beneficial. I hope it helps 😀

The diaries of a TRUE PROFESSIONAL POKER PLAYER

lolzzzz legitimately best post I’ve read in months

Appreciate all the tips. I've already been employing a lot of these steps, but will review to make sure I don't miss anything.

I ended last month on a sick heater and had my best month ever, around +22k or something. Unfortunately the start of this month is an absolute disaster in terms of run and results:

Almost all losses are at 1k. It was this type of run where every time you think it couldn't get worse, it got worse. But clearly I should have stopped earlier. And I was already on the edge the whole time, making lots of small mistakes which ended on complete supertilt last 3/4k I spewed away. I had some stressfull irl stuff and was sleeping super bad, but because I was also sleeping bad when I was crushing so hard last couple days of the month I started to ignore and thinking it was possible to push through chasing more money. But it's also important to acknowledge the insane runbad I faced at 1k. I'm not super sad or anything (in the moment I was a bit), but it's important to not make 2024 the exact same year as 2023 where I crush infinitely at stake x but then lose a significant amount of my year $$ on higher stakes.

So from now on, no more nl1k. It will come at some point anyway, and I will crush it, But now I'm not ready yet....

In terms of mental game, I still think I made lots of progress. I did a lot of off-table work, and recently I stopped doing that. And from now on I will try to create a habit of this and do this everyday. Because I felt THE mindset towards results and variance for a bit. Now it's still there but not so clearly, hopefully it comes back. I can maybe share some examples of this writing work I do for myself in here, maybe it helps someone.

Will update when restuck, if I abandon this thread forever this means: I never restucked, went broke, found a 9-5 and moved on with my life 😃 glgl

We are rooting for you. No sweat bro. Just means the comeback graph is going to look sick. Will be waiting...

haha I'm in a similar situation, I feel you.

For me, getting very comfortable with the possibility of failing and one day moving on from poker helps a ton with just being able to focus on the daily process and strategy improvements. Fear of failure and the pressure to succeed no matter what can make tilt 10x worse.

Maybe that helps, maybe not, either way good luck...

Here we are lads, 6 days, 25k hands and +18.000 usd later (graph since regrind which started 7 days ago):

It was stressfull, it was unhealthy, it was no-life.... but it feels good man. What a grind, holy **** 😀

Graph of the month, with rakeback included in the green again. I didn't panic or thought the world was over when I got ****ed at 1k for almost 20k, I just sat down, grinded my ass off on lower limits (500) and proved myself I got this. It gives me a lot of confidence that basically I have the skill set to always regrind. However I will take it slowly with new shots, I still play 1k from time to time but very carefully (lost another 2buy ins in regrind sample :P). Because of what I said in my previous post.

Also from now on I will go back to living normal; change my sleepschedule to morning hours. Pick up my routine/habits again, don't overfocus on poker etc. Ofcourse being so locked in doesn't bring me hapiness, allthough the challenge vs my myself type of idea made me feel less guilty.

[converted_hand][hand_history]$5 NL (6 max) - Holdem - 6 players
Hand converted by Holdem Manager 3

Hero (BB): $561.30 (112.3 bb)
UTG: $516.35 (103.3 bb)
MP: $355.50 (71.1 bb)
CO: $996.00 (199.2 bb)
BTN: $777.01 (155.4 bb)
SB: $551.40 (110.3 bb)

SB posts $2.00, Hero posts BB $5.00

Pre Flop: (pot: $7.00) Hero has Q♠ 8♠
3 folds, BTN raises to $10.00, fold, Hero calls $5.00

Flop: ($22.00, 2 players) K♥ 5♥ 6♠
Hero checks, BTN bets $6.82, Hero calls $6.82

Turn: ($35.64, 2 players) 6♦
Hero bets $5.00, BTN calls $5.00

River: ($45.64, 2 players) 6♥
Hero bets $539.48 and is all-in, fold

Results: $45.64 pot ($2.28 rake)
Final Board: K♥ 5♥ 6♠ 6♦ 6♥

Hero wins $43.36
[/hand_history][/converted_hand]

Trips on board is still autoshove 😃

Also played the legend Stefan11222, he even sat at 500 at some point (lobby was dead). At 1k I played him briefly hu but I understood playing already big -ev and super high variance game on limits where I try to be more careful it's like the most idiot thing I can do also while doing regrind challenge so quit him after 10 hands 😃 Maybe one day I get another chance

Great job bro

Ty guys 😀

Thanks for your words man, I try to adept this mindset. Sometimes I fall in the trap of identifying myself with how successful I am, always when this happens things are going downhill. I try to also adept this mindset on a more micro level, from day to day. I sometimes write how I might lose 3 or 4k today and how that will have 0 impact on my life. And that is the truth. It will only impact my life if I stress about how it might impact my life, and that is what I'm trying to avoid by reading/writing about the acceptance. For the longterm I should also apply this, I've felt quite some moment of failure in this journey, and every time in these moments the toxic values that I deep down have came to light. I'm trying to work on it and I'm making progress. There is some selflove, and there is some acceptance in some old friends/my ex/family members/friends of friends might think I'm a loser. Regardless if I fail or not, by the time it will be decided hopefully I don't give a **** anymore.

About moving on with poker one day, I have some sort of plan in my head. But this plan is only applicable in case I succeeded or semi-succeeded (financially). But in case I fail and have to move on from poker, there is acceptance. The acceptance comes from poker just having massive downsides for me, which I wrote about in here quite a bit. And the downsides will be over. However I've had infinite jobs lifetime, and I ****ed them all up. It clearly didn't work. I live too much in my own world for most jobs I think. Same with college (allthough more interesting subjects could have made this doable for me). If I learned one thing, my brain needs something to obsess over. I can get motivated for a job or whatever, but the same will happen as the previous 30 jobs I had. This is why I'm so grateful for being able to do this poker thing besides all the struggle and downside, I really enjoy it. I have no idea what to do if I fail and have to move on in terms of career. And it will be hard to find something I enjoy and is sustainable. I can see what you mean with your message, and I think finding a plan b will release some pressure in regards to do this. I will keep trying to look for it, sometimes I have some ideas but nothing serious just yet. Ofcourse there is no rush, but for exactly the point you mentioned it will be nice (mentally). Allthough, I might stress and overthink about literally anything; I'm never really worried about how my life will be in 5 years, it will be fine somehow 😀

"ALL AROUND ME ARE FAMILIAR FACES...."

Had to run into it at some point lol and ty villain for the mini slowroll ://

Back settled in the Netherlands, I accepted my fate and opened Dutch account (no tax). Again fighting against deposit limits, reduced fish buffet points and no agent rakeback. But I will not cry too much about it, just nice motivation to not fall to deep into the rakeback grind. In terms of spinning up a roll, I busted the first 2k deposit (max 2k/day & 10k/month) the first day already. and I saw it all going wrong once again. But managed to be a bit patient and now slowly building up a roll while trying to max my deposit limit untill I have a decent roll on the site. gl me

by KidCudi147 P

"ALL AROUND ME ARE FAMILIAR FACES...."

Had to run into it at some point lol and ty villain for the mini slowroll ://

Back settled in the Netherlands, I accepted my fate and opened Dutch account (no tax). Again fighting against deposit limits, reduced fish buffet points and no agent rakeback. But I will not cry too much about it, just nice motivation to not fall to deep into the rakeback grind. In terms of spinning up a roll, I busted the fir

You can definitely win a lot pre rakeback on GG, although I'm not sure what the situation is in NL. However I think the 9m tables are higher rake due to the ante and the higher pre rakeback winrates are probably in standard 6m tables. Good luck!

Saulo gave this advice a while ago that GG reg tables are definitely beatable as long as you're really table selecting. Give that this implies defying the GGestapo, I would be a bit concerned though if it was my own money and I had anything significant over there.

I played on GG for years and cashed out >40k playing mainly 200nl reg tables (mainly pre-rb winnings), although I did get warnings multiple times about bumhunting. I try to be more careful about that nowadays.

Ty man!

Yeah for sure beatable, I do well in my first 200k hands main stake nl500 and I did this with the usual spew, rb chasing 12 tabling and getting sucked in regbattles. And FYI I've heard nothing from gg in terms of warnings. I've been complaining about gg in the past but tbh I think its a decent site. You just have to accept certain things and deal with them well. But I actually think the sites provides a lot of opportunity (global pool. liquidity, new formats), They are partly the reason online poker is doing well at the moment (despite certain people keep on telling you it's dead) imagine 2024 poker without gg and stars being the main site. With this being said, paying 10bb rake when you don't have a winrate and get underwhelming (my rakeback used to be decent on gg, but inconsistent) rakeback kinda sucks. I think it's important to avoid this.

POWERRRRRRRJAM

If anyone sees me in any rush n cash pool, no matter what stakes or plo or whatever. pls make a screenshot post here and I will send you $500 instant. Pls show no mercy, I will be glad if you collect the $$. My sn on gg is Joost1679. It will apply untill I say it doesn't apply anymore or my acc gets hacked or something like that 😃 I just need to never play that garbage 200rnc pool again. Lobby was dead, I was bored and stuck and jumped in. And punted off 5/6 stacks into these supernits. Since I barely play nl200 anymore atleast it was cheap tilt, but the problem is the stress I'm getting from a fast forward format when you run in the supernuts only, ****ing unhealthy.

been fun playing with you mate! glglglgl and keep on that regrind <3