2023 NFL Regular Season
As a niners fan I have spent this entire offseason in a silent rage
The last 20 years of being a niners fan has been an agony unlike any any franchise has ever come across. You can sit there and bemoan being a browns fan or a lions fan or blah blah blah **** you. The reality is in this period of time has blueballed no fanbase more than us *******s.
I sat through Mike Nolan. I sat through Smith over Rodgers. I sat through Mike ****ing god damned cockbreath Singletary. And then…
2011: Kyle Williams single handedly loses the NFCCG by botching returns not once but ****ing twice against the shittiest super bowl champion history has ever seen
2012: Turtle****er has no concept for the play clock and somehow someway I have to sit there and watch Joe Flacco become a super bowl champion
2013: Richard Sherman goes full WWE promo because he tips away a potential game winner in the NFCCG
2014-2017: because of the shittiest GM who has ever breathed air (needle can attest), I end up with 3 years of watching Chip Kelly and something called a Jim Tomsula coach this team into nothingness
2018: thinking he is so ****ing smart that he can trade for someone and flip him later, Lynch trades a 2nd for Jimmy mother****ing Womp
2019: 10 point lead in the 4th quarter of the Super Bowl? Watch me work
2020: lol
2021: 10 point lead in the 4th quarter of the NFCCG? Watch me work
Which brings us to last year. Somehow, despite everything that happened for TWENTY ****ING YEARS this cut deepest. This wasn’t even fair. I thought I was done with Jimmy. I wasn’t. The guy we traded 3 1sts for went down for the year and we ended up with him long enough for him to be such a fiasco he lost to Denver by Orlovskying before going down for the year and letting the last pick of the draft be the qb
And the last pick of the draft went 10-0
And the last pick of the draft had a shot at taking the niners to the ****ing super bowl
And he broke his elbow
And by halftime the only other qb on the roster had a concussion
And in something unlike anything I have ever seen in my ENTIRE ****ING LIFE a conference title game was being played without a qb
After thinking about this for a few months preparing myself for this season I have decided one thing and one thing only: **** each and every last one of you
With that in mind, welcome to the 2023 NFL Season
Your contenders:
1. Kansas City Chiefs: +600
Get ****ed. **** your Kermit ass QB, **** your morbidly obese coach who can’t keep his own children alive, **** your Kermit ass QB’s brother who sounds like a sexual predator, **** your Kermit ass QB’s wife who sounds like she cucks Kermit on the regular while posting thirst traps for the gram
**** your fanbase. **** your chop that you still do in the year of our lord 2023 for reasons I will never understand. **** your city, **** your state(s). I don’t give a **** if you claim the Chiefs from Kansas or Missouri, you’re a sack of ****. I had to watch you win a super bowl because your woman beating speedster broke open on Richard Sherman who is a man I want to see choke on his own delusion until the final ounce of life leaves his body. I hate you. I will always hate you
2. Philadelphia Eagles: +800
Get your ****ing ass out of here. Josh Johnson was drawing live to beat you until he got a concussion. JOSH JOHNSON! That buffoon has played for 47 football teams in 4 years. Neat little story. **** you anyway. Always Sunny has no redeeming characters cuz everyone in Philly is a malcontent POS. You have a jail in your stadiums. Trea Turner needed to buy billboard advertising to beg you to stop sending his family death threats. The only solace I have in the 9ers losing the NFCCG is you didn’t win the Super Bowl
3. San Francisco 49ers: +1000
I ****ing hate 9er fans with a fire that burns from 20000 suns. Your average 9er fan? Calling into SPORTS TALK RADIO to say Lynch should be lynched and Kyle should be fired because blah blah blah 3 1st round picks for lance blah blah blah Jimmy was the guy who coulda won the super bowl blah blah blah. I’m stuck sitting here rooting for a team whose best player is a Proud Boy. Our QB is from Iowa by way of Arizona so I already know before he opens his mouth he’s right there with Bosa. I visited Levis last year to watch the Rams game and somehow ended up in some insane wind tunnel directly underneath the pathway for where planes land in San Jose international 5 miles away. I was also watching a game in the parking lot of an amusement park for $400/ticket + $60 for a beer and chicken tenders. **** my ****ing life
4. Cincinnati Bengals: +1100
You dipshits give Paul Brown your hard earned money of which you have none. ****ing simps. Skyline chili is the stupidest **** I have ever heard of. You fat ****s sit at the alter of Joe Burrow despite the fact that he’s basically Boomer Esiason with a cigar. Have fun with that. You’re about to make him the highest paid NFL player of all time and there’s a 50/50 chance he’ll have some sort of leg injury that knocks him out for the next 7 seasons.
Also I drafted Chase last year and he was ****. So **** him. **** you too
5. Dallas Cowboys: +1500
Give me a second here….
I hate every single human being associated with this franchise and nothing gets my cock harder than knowing they have spent the last 2 years watching this team lose to the 9ers in the playoffs in the stupidest way imaginable BOTH ****ING TIMES! I have no sympathy for you. I go to sleep every night hoping Jerry Jones dies and wake up every morning furious he hasn’t. You employ Mike McCarthy. You pay some “mental health day” snowflake named Dakota an ungodly sum of money to win never. Micah Parsons gives heavy Clayton Bigsby vibes only Micah knows he’s black.
And the fans of this franchise?
Holy **** you ****ing loser ass dipshits in your loser ass city and your bumass state. If there was a just and loving god Texas would be ethered from existence and we wouldn’t have to pretend you how bout dem cowboy hicks have anything to say that we need to listen to. I will take a personal day when Jimmy Johnson dies to spend it all masturbating
6-32. Who gives a living ****
**** the Jets. Congrats on landing the immunized one. Can’t wait til you turn on him
**** the Ravens. You paid Lamar. Enjoy watching him do nothing
**** the Dolphins. I’m not certain Tua isn’t braindead as of this post
**** all of you. Let us football
Cancel the playoffs. Best of 5, Niners v Ravens.
Who says no?
Why pittsburgh vs Baltimore on Saturday ? May be Baltimore backups. There were no better games?
I think Lawrence being in the protocol played a role in this, might need that extra day
otherwise JVille/Titans as the early game made more sense
So just put Pitt fighting for a playoff spot on there with nothing else that made much sense
Weren't a ton of options, lot of teams going to be resting or not with much to play for
Miami will lose when it counts. Not good enough to beat the top teams.
From what I read in here, the takes "against" Purdy look like, "Purdy's good, but Lamar's the MVP".
You reading that as "Purdy is awful" is quite a bit of mental gymnastics.
The forum is made up of individuals. That might be the average take but it certainly wasn't every take. That were some definite haters after the Ravens game. Confidently proclaiming how bad he is, though they didn't say any of that for a couple months prior. And they aren't saying any of that now either.
Note that I'm not even taking a stance on whether or not Purdy is bad. I am calling out cowards who only bash a player after a bad game and don't ever say a word otherwise. If you have those views, stand behind them.
Spoiler
Note that I'm not even taking a stance on whether or not Purdy is bad. I am calling out cowards who only bash a player after a bad game and don't ever say a word otherwise. If you have those views, stand behind them.
He threw four interceptions in slightly over a single half of football, he is going to get criticized, that’s the way message boards work. Mahomes/Burrow/Allen/Dak/Hurts/Lamar would all get the exact same treatment.
Were you really expecting people to come back and apologize because he had a good game against the Conmanders?
Your schtick was clear the first time. Say a bunch of hot takes based on something that happened 9 seconds ago. And then if anybody brings it up later, blame them for caring at all.
How about having some backbone and either standing behind what you said or admitting you were wrong?
He threw four interceptions in slightly over a single half of football, he is going to get criticized, that’s the way message boards work. Mahomes/Burrow/Allen/Dak/Hurts/Lamar would all get the exact same treatment.
Were you really expecting people to come back and apologize because he had a good game against the Conmanders?
Criticizing one game is what everyone did.
People criticized him as a quarterback, as a player.
I would expect people who said those things to keep saying thing now. If they truly believed them then, they are still true now. So where are those haters?
man Purdy discussion has really devolved into ****ing AIDS
who cares, in the next 6 years we'll findout how good he is, just be patient
until then try to analyze him in the context of playing on the 49ers and all their riches
maybe a containment in order for him like joey flacks back in the day
IIRC, last year Green Bay had to win the last week, at Lambeau, vs a mediocre (but up-and-coming) Lions team to make the playoffs.
This year Green Bay has to win the last week, at Lambeau, vs a mediocre (but up-and-coming) Bears team to make the playoffs. Get your futures down for the 2024 Bears!
Sigh. Well, let's hope not.
Also, I was trying to remember who Nick Mullins reminded me of. Finally landed on Oliver Stone.
I don't think the Dolphins are going to beat the Bills next week. But this is your path to Mahomes making it to the AFCCG and still never playing a road playoff game.
And after they lose to the bills he’ll still have never played a road playoff game!
Sick angle
Lions were on a freeroll. They already clinched so the play was dumb but losing didn't really matter either. Probably more +EV to just check down there though.
And after they lose to the bills he’ll still have never played a road playoff game!
Sick angle
That's one of the more likely outcomes.
If KC loses in the WC round they might be able to draft a good WR without having to trade up. Might be one of the better long-term outcomes for them.
Not trying to pile onto the eagles or anything but assuming this disaster plays out to its logical completion, Patricia is obviously gone but siriani has to be on the verge of death especially if those stories of locker room morale are true
Not trying to pile onto the eagles or anything but assuming this disaster plays out to its logical completion, Patricia is obviously gone but siriani has to be on the verge of death especially if those stories of locker room morale are true
Pile on...they deserve it. I'd also be happy if Sirianni was fired today.
Would be odd if locker room morale wasn't terrible right now. They started the season 10-1 off a SuperBowl run.
Basically same situation as in Kansas City where players are visibly unhappy with each other. Difference is that nobody is going to fire Andy Reid and most fans are at peace with the season being a failure. People in Philadelphia might be more upset with them losing in the wild card.
I wish I had access to Philly sports talk radio today. It has to be hilarious.
As a Philly fan does the hurts contract make you nervous at this point or is he not the problem in your mind?
