2023 NFL Regular Season
As a niners fan I have spent this entire offseason in a silent rage
The last 20 years of being a niners fan has been an agony unlike any any franchise has ever come across. You can sit there and bemoan being a browns fan or a lions fan or blah blah blah **** you. The reality is in this period of time has blueballed no fanbase more than us *******s.
I sat through Mike Nolan. I sat through Smith over Rodgers. I sat through Mike ****ing god damned cockbreath Singletary. And then…
2011: Kyle Williams single handedly loses the NFCCG by botching returns not once but ****ing twice against the shittiest super bowl champion history has ever seen
2012: Turtle****er has no concept for the play clock and somehow someway I have to sit there and watch Joe Flacco become a super bowl champion
2013: Richard Sherman goes full WWE promo because he tips away a potential game winner in the NFCCG
2014-2017: because of the shittiest GM who has ever breathed air (needle can attest), I end up with 3 years of watching Chip Kelly and something called a Jim Tomsula coach this team into nothingness
2018: thinking he is so ****ing smart that he can trade for someone and flip him later, Lynch trades a 2nd for Jimmy mother****ing Womp
2019: 10 point lead in the 4th quarter of the Super Bowl? Watch me work
2020: lol
2021: 10 point lead in the 4th quarter of the NFCCG? Watch me work
Which brings us to last year. Somehow, despite everything that happened for TWENTY ****ING YEARS this cut deepest. This wasn’t even fair. I thought I was done with Jimmy. I wasn’t. The guy we traded 3 1sts for went down for the year and we ended up with him long enough for him to be such a fiasco he lost to Denver by Orlovskying before going down for the year and letting the last pick of the draft be the qb
And the last pick of the draft went 10-0
And the last pick of the draft had a shot at taking the niners to the ****ing super bowl
And he broke his elbow
And by halftime the only other qb on the roster had a concussion
And in something unlike anything I have ever seen in my ENTIRE ****ING LIFE a conference title game was being played without a qb
After thinking about this for a few months preparing myself for this season I have decided one thing and one thing only: **** each and every last one of you
With that in mind, welcome to the 2023 NFL Season
Your contenders:
1. Kansas City Chiefs: +600
Get ****ed. **** your Kermit ass QB, **** your morbidly obese coach who can’t keep his own children alive, **** your Kermit ass QB’s brother who sounds like a sexual predator, **** your Kermit ass QB’s wife who sounds like she cucks Kermit on the regular while posting thirst traps for the gram
**** your fanbase. **** your chop that you still do in the year of our lord 2023 for reasons I will never understand. **** your city, **** your state(s). I don’t give a **** if you claim the Chiefs from Kansas or Missouri, you’re a sack of ****. I had to watch you win a super bowl because your woman beating speedster broke open on Richard Sherman who is a man I want to see choke on his own delusion until the final ounce of life leaves his body. I hate you. I will always hate you
2. Philadelphia Eagles: +800
Get your ****ing ass out of here. Josh Johnson was drawing live to beat you until he got a concussion. JOSH JOHNSON! That buffoon has played for 47 football teams in 4 years. Neat little story. **** you anyway. Always Sunny has no redeeming characters cuz everyone in Philly is a malcontent POS. You have a jail in your stadiums. Trea Turner needed to buy billboard advertising to beg you to stop sending his family death threats. The only solace I have in the 9ers losing the NFCCG is you didn’t win the Super Bowl
3. San Francisco 49ers: +1000
I ****ing hate 9er fans with a fire that burns from 20000 suns. Your average 9er fan? Calling into SPORTS TALK RADIO to say Lynch should be lynched and Kyle should be fired because blah blah blah 3 1st round picks for lance blah blah blah Jimmy was the guy who coulda won the super bowl blah blah blah. I’m stuck sitting here rooting for a team whose best player is a Proud Boy. Our QB is from Iowa by way of Arizona so I already know before he opens his mouth he’s right there with Bosa. I visited Levis last year to watch the Rams game and somehow ended up in some insane wind tunnel directly underneath the pathway for where planes land in San Jose international 5 miles away. I was also watching a game in the parking lot of an amusement park for $400/ticket + $60 for a beer and chicken tenders. **** my ****ing life
4. Cincinnati Bengals: +1100
You dipshits give Paul Brown your hard earned money of which you have none. ****ing simps. Skyline chili is the stupidest **** I have ever heard of. You fat ****s sit at the alter of Joe Burrow despite the fact that he’s basically Boomer Esiason with a cigar. Have fun with that. You’re about to make him the highest paid NFL player of all time and there’s a 50/50 chance he’ll have some sort of leg injury that knocks him out for the next 7 seasons.
Also I drafted Chase last year and he was ****. So **** him. **** you too
5. Dallas Cowboys: +1500
Give me a second here….
I hate every single human being associated with this franchise and nothing gets my cock harder than knowing they have spent the last 2 years watching this team lose to the 9ers in the playoffs in the stupidest way imaginable BOTH ****ING TIMES! I have no sympathy for you. I go to sleep every night hoping Jerry Jones dies and wake up every morning furious he hasn’t. You employ Mike McCarthy. You pay some “mental health day” snowflake named Dakota an ungodly sum of money to win never. Micah Parsons gives heavy Clayton Bigsby vibes only Micah knows he’s black.
And the fans of this franchise?
Holy **** you ****ing loser ass dipshits in your loser ass city and your bumass state. If there was a just and loving god Texas would be ethered from existence and we wouldn’t have to pretend you how bout dem cowboy hicks have anything to say that we need to listen to. I will take a personal day when Jimmy Johnson dies to spend it all masturbating
6-32. Who gives a living ****
**** the Jets. Congrats on landing the immunized one. Can’t wait til you turn on him
**** the Ravens. You paid Lamar. Enjoy watching him do nothing
**** the Dolphins. I’m not certain Tua isn’t braindead as of this post
**** all of you. Let us football
Needle, what do you mean by "in the building". I guess I got the idea you meant on the Eagles staff. I guess I'm confused by those last 4 years. ****ing 2024, damn.
Because I don't work for a particular team but instead work across the athletic department on various sports, specifically football, volleyball and some basketball, when the spring semester comes around I can loaned out from the university. It was discussed when I originally interviewed and despite bigger colleges doing it the one I am at now had never done it. Fortunately through the years I have met and know some people and a few things started rolling after my first year. I worked briefly for one organization in 2021 for 7 weeks.
Last year I was on for 10 weeks. This year I started in January and will be on loan for the entire semester.
I think Sirianni survived because he has a regular season record of 34-17 and has made the playoffs all 3 seasons, including a SB appearance.
He definitely needs to find better coordinators, though.
Catapulting Matt Patricia directly into the sun would be a good start to the overhaul.
I thought the rules regarding these were:
-If you hire a minority coach you aren't required to interview anyone else.
-If you hire a non-minority you have to interview 2 minority candidates for the position. This now includeds GMs, front office positions and QB coaches.
.
You are required to interview 2 minority candidates OUTSIDE of the team. You have to do this before anyone is hired, even if they were an interim head coach and/or a minority coach on your team.
I don't make the stupid rules, Rog does.
needle occupies a firm position on the podium of easiest SEers to root for
and shame on me for not remembering the name of the poster who was running humanitarian efforts up in the streets of detroit several years ago
eternal peace to you both
our world needs more of you
Do you think the guy from this article or his buddy Goodell really cares about minorities or making rules to support them?
Do you think the guy from this article or his buddy Goodell really cares about minorities or making rules to support them?
I'm all for believing the worst about the intentions of billionaires who own a $$ printing closed shop that needs good PR to survive and continue growing, but drawing too many conclusions from something that one of them appears to have been involved in 60 years ago in their formative years seems a little reckless?
was not
Spoiler
nice try
Is it just me or does Texans +9 and Packers +9.5 massively seem like the "right side"?
How about ALT +10.5 for each as a parlay? Doesn't that just seem like printing money?
Is it just me or does Texans +9 and Packers +9.5 massively seem like the "right side"?
How about ALT +10.5 for each as a parlay? Doesn't that just seem like printing money?
two overachieving teams who looked as good as they have all year, with inexperienced QBs, on the road against clear top seeds who've had a week to rest up.
yeah I'm not liking them after closer inspection.... Baltimore gonna be 24 degrees and very windy.
49ers only reason to bet against them is that CMC could re-aggravate his calf strain.
I took Lions -6.5 at -108 odds on FD though. #ROAR
it’s pretty great that one of the Lions or Bucs is going to be in the Championship game. 9ers must be finding it difficult to contain their woodies. Albeit Packers may yet challenge them
All four NFC teams are likeable imo. Texans are the only likeable team left in the AFC.
feely you are easily a top 5 poster itt. Just wanted to recognize you #SE'sFinest
Bills and 9ers cover
Take Tampa and 6.5
Houston wins outright
ez money
it’s pretty great that one of the Lions or Bucs is going to be in the Championship game. 9ers must be finding it difficult to contain their woodies. Albeit Packers may yet challenge them
All four NFC teams are likeable imo. Texans are the only likeable team left in the AFC.
This is almost what I’m thinking.
Exception is that I find Buffalo reasonably likeable as well. Josh Allen is Charlie Brown and he will **** up at some point but until then as long as KC and Baltimore lose, I’m good.
it’s pretty great that one of the Lions or Bucs is going to be in the Championship game. 9ers must be finding it difficult to contain their woodies.
Obviously sounds like an easy matchup for them but which other playoff team would have instilled more fear in them than the Lions? Maybe the Rams?
They trashed the Cowboys and Eagles in the regular season and beat Tampa by 13. Only close-ish game outside week 18 was in week 2 against the Rams.
If the Lions get a Toney-style play at SF like they did in week 1 at KC, crazy things might happen.
Catapulting Matt Patricia directly into the sun would be a good start to the overhaul.
Pretty sure that's a given. Promoting him to DC was a total disaster and replacing him might be the easiest step to improve the coaching staff.
👍
been wondering why that pencil chode ever got involved in the first place, but thanks for nothing
👍
I'm all for believing the worst about the intentions of billionaires who own a $$ printing closed shop that needs good PR to survive and continue growing, but drawing too many conclusions from something that one of them appears to have been involved in 60 years ago in their formative years seems a little reckless?
Yeah, it's such a weird thing people wanted to make a big deal when, you know, Jerry has shown to be a POS as a fully grown adult in modern day (Kap situation/kneeling players is an actual thing to point to).
Pierce officially raiders coach
Obviously sounds like an easy matchup for them but which other playoff team would have instilled more fear in them than the Lions? Maybe the Rams?
They trashed the Cowboys and Eagles in the regular season and beat Tampa by 13. Only close-ish game outside week 18 was in week 2 against the Rams.
If the Lions get a Toney-style play at SF like they did in week 1 at KC, crazy things might happen.
Maybe we’ll all be proved wrong but it did feel that as soon as the Eagles fell away it became apparent that there was only one truly class team in the NFC. Cowboys flirted with it but their Defense disintegrated
It’s obviously only one game and anything can happen and I agree that the Lions do have upside in their game if their Offense can keep firing and they can get a couple of turnovers on D.
I do know though that I like them playing style of all 4 NFC teams so I hope both games will be semi competitive and keep me watching
why was grear banned in the first place?
#freegear
