2023 NFL Regular Season
As a niners fan I have spent this entire offseason in a silent rage
The last 20 years of being a niners fan has been an agony unlike any any franchise has ever come across. You can sit there and bemoan being a browns fan or a lions fan or blah blah blah **** you. The reality is in this period of time has blueballed no fanbase more than us *******s.
I sat through Mike Nolan. I sat through Smith over Rodgers. I sat through Mike ****ing god damned cockbreath Singletary. And then…
2011: Kyle Williams single handedly loses the NFCCG by botching returns not once but ****ing twice against the shittiest super bowl champion history has ever seen
2012: Turtle****er has no concept for the play clock and somehow someway I have to sit there and watch Joe Flacco become a super bowl champion
2013: Richard Sherman goes full WWE promo because he tips away a potential game winner in the NFCCG
2014-2017: because of the shittiest GM who has ever breathed air (needle can attest), I end up with 3 years of watching Chip Kelly and something called a Jim Tomsula coach this team into nothingness
2018: thinking he is so ****ing smart that he can trade for someone and flip him later, Lynch trades a 2nd for Jimmy mother****ing Womp
2019: 10 point lead in the 4th quarter of the Super Bowl? Watch me work
2020: lol
2021: 10 point lead in the 4th quarter of the NFCCG? Watch me work
Which brings us to last year. Somehow, despite everything that happened for TWENTY ****ING YEARS this cut deepest. This wasn’t even fair. I thought I was done with Jimmy. I wasn’t. The guy we traded 3 1sts for went down for the year and we ended up with him long enough for him to be such a fiasco he lost to Denver by Orlovskying before going down for the year and letting the last pick of the draft be the qb
And the last pick of the draft went 10-0
And the last pick of the draft had a shot at taking the niners to the ****ing super bowl
And he broke his elbow
And by halftime the only other qb on the roster had a concussion
And in something unlike anything I have ever seen in my ENTIRE ****ING LIFE a conference title game was being played without a qb
After thinking about this for a few months preparing myself for this season I have decided one thing and one thing only: **** each and every last one of you
With that in mind, welcome to the 2023 NFL Season
Your contenders:
1. Kansas City Chiefs: +600
Get ****ed. **** your Kermit ass QB, **** your morbidly obese coach who can’t keep his own children alive, **** your Kermit ass QB’s brother who sounds like a sexual predator, **** your Kermit ass QB’s wife who sounds like she cucks Kermit on the regular while posting thirst traps for the gram
**** your fanbase. **** your chop that you still do in the year of our lord 2023 for reasons I will never understand. **** your city, **** your state(s). I don’t give a **** if you claim the Chiefs from Kansas or Missouri, you’re a sack of ****. I had to watch you win a super bowl because your woman beating speedster broke open on Richard Sherman who is a man I want to see choke on his own delusion until the final ounce of life leaves his body. I hate you. I will always hate you
2. Philadelphia Eagles: +800
Get your ****ing ass out of here. Josh Johnson was drawing live to beat you until he got a concussion. JOSH JOHNSON! That buffoon has played for 47 football teams in 4 years. Neat little story. **** you anyway. Always Sunny has no redeeming characters cuz everyone in Philly is a malcontent POS. You have a jail in your stadiums. Trea Turner needed to buy billboard advertising to beg you to stop sending his family death threats. The only solace I have in the 9ers losing the NFCCG is you didn’t win the Super Bowl
3. San Francisco 49ers: +1000
I ****ing hate 9er fans with a fire that burns from 20000 suns. Your average 9er fan? Calling into SPORTS TALK RADIO to say Lynch should be lynched and Kyle should be fired because blah blah blah 3 1st round picks for lance blah blah blah Jimmy was the guy who coulda won the super bowl blah blah blah. I’m stuck sitting here rooting for a team whose best player is a Proud Boy. Our QB is from Iowa by way of Arizona so I already know before he opens his mouth he’s right there with Bosa. I visited Levis last year to watch the Rams game and somehow ended up in some insane wind tunnel directly underneath the pathway for where planes land in San Jose international 5 miles away. I was also watching a game in the parking lot of an amusement park for $400/ticket + $60 for a beer and chicken tenders. **** my ****ing life
4. Cincinnati Bengals: +1100
You dipshits give Paul Brown your hard earned money of which you have none. ****ing simps. Skyline chili is the stupidest **** I have ever heard of. You fat ****s sit at the alter of Joe Burrow despite the fact that he’s basically Boomer Esiason with a cigar. Have fun with that. You’re about to make him the highest paid NFL player of all time and there’s a 50/50 chance he’ll have some sort of leg injury that knocks him out for the next 7 seasons.
Also I drafted Chase last year and he was ****. So **** him. **** you too
5. Dallas Cowboys: +1500
Give me a second here….
I hate every single human being associated with this franchise and nothing gets my cock harder than knowing they have spent the last 2 years watching this team lose to the 9ers in the playoffs in the stupidest way imaginable BOTH ****ING TIMES! I have no sympathy for you. I go to sleep every night hoping Jerry Jones dies and wake up every morning furious he hasn’t. You employ Mike McCarthy. You pay some “mental health day” snowflake named Dakota an ungodly sum of money to win never. Micah Parsons gives heavy Clayton Bigsby vibes only Micah knows he’s black.
And the fans of this franchise?
Holy **** you ****ing loser ass dipshits in your loser ass city and your bumass state. If there was a just and loving god Texas would be ethered from existence and we wouldn’t have to pretend you how bout dem cowboy hicks have anything to say that we need to listen to. I will take a personal day when Jimmy Johnson dies to spend it all masturbating
6-32. Who gives a living ****
**** the Jets. Congrats on landing the immunized one. Can’t wait til you turn on him
**** the Ravens. You paid Lamar. Enjoy watching him do nothing
**** the Dolphins. I’m not certain Tua isn’t braindead as of this post
**** all of you. Let us football
you are incorrectly framing the situation. it's not about the person they're defending, it's about themselves.
sports fandom helps me understand why political supporters or fans of a music artist (or whatever) do that. it's because it has become a part of their identity. they are defending themselves from what feel like personal attacks.
so what you should really be saying is 'stop caring so much about sports' or something to that effect. and maybe you'd be right. but i would think thousands of posts into a thread about sports is an odd place to be hanging out for someone virtue signaling how little they care about sports.
LOVE
blah blah infinite number of monkeys eventually coordinate keystrokes and receive a free reprint of aaron rogers the game log
nah it's perfectly fine to tell a dumbass stan to grow up
the amount of time and effort spent attempting to save face while also avoid addressing anything anyone says about something dumb that was said
Phins need to try and tie this game tonight.
hardly
Someone needs to explain to me why Anders Carlson continues to be employed.
forget you read my next twenty posts
and we can catch up in the morning
A little less sure after that lol ending but still. The guy is a top 5 pick who is still only 26 and had, all things considered, a pretty good game today
Gun to my head if you had me pick him versus any of the prospective free agents cousins, flacbert and baker are the only ones I take over him
Feel like there needs to be hell to pay in Jacksonville but not sure how. Lawrence isn’t going anywhere obviously, have a hard time putting this on Doug, Baalke has to be the one who pays for this
I’m curious if siriani survives this implosion assuming they lose to either tampa or don’t make the NFCCG. Harbaugh is continuously associated with the raiders and chargers but I really feel like the eagles and pats are the 2 perfect landing spots if they were available
no active player has ever died from a concussion so it's really dumb that the nfl forces them to wear helmets
fraudgers should be a hero and stand up to this ridiculous tyranny next season
No active player has died of cancer, smoking cigarettes or gun violence. Is your point that all active players aren’t dead?
Or are you trying to suggest that no recent nfl player died due to concussions because I would argue you are wrong as concussions can cause CTE and CTE can be a killer. The same can’t be said about Covid - Godgers was correct in treating it as a non-threat and it takes some guts to look around and tell everyone around you that they are wrong and you are right.
Feel like there needs to be hell to pay in Jacksonville but not sure how. Lawrence isn’t going anywhere obviously, have a hard time putting this on Doug, Baalke has to be the one who pays for this
I’m curious if siriani survives this implosion assuming they lose to either tampa or don’t make the NFCCG. Harbaugh is continuously associated with the raiders and chargers but I really feel like the eagles and pats are the 2 perfect landing spots
I do think not giving Lawrence a mammoth extension is action 1. they can and will 5YO him but need to wait another season.
re Iggles....Siriani needs to find a new DC asap
way too much AIDS snippy BS in here recently.
also, I went 0/4 on my season bets....come to me for advice!
Packers to miss the playoffs
Jags to win division
Falcons to win division
Seahawks to make the playoffs
all 4 I could have cashed out for + money in the second half of the season.
No active player has died of cancer, smoking cigarettes or gun violence. Is your point that all active players aren’t dead?
Or are you trying to suggest that no recent nfl player died due to concussions because I would argue you are wrong as concussions can cause CTE and CTE can be a killer. The same can’t be said about Covid - Godgers was correct in treating it as a non-threat and it takes some guts to look around and tell everyone around
do us all a favor and take your aids Covid babble to the Politics & Society forum
kthx
was wondering the same
don't see how Sirianni is PHI's head coach next season if they lose to TB
I feel like odds of this are pretty accelerated if the reports of how miserable the locker room was at 10-1 are true. Based on the last 6 weeks it definitely looks like (assuming the reports are true) the eagles have just completely quit on him
There’s no coming back from that
CLE -2.5
HOU
GB
DAL -7.5
LAR
DET -3.5
PHI -2.5
TB
My posts, from the offseason thread in July:
So I'm live to get anywhere from four to six of my picks correct, depending on how today shakes out.
Was bang on that both South divisions were most gettable, but also thought 6 of those 8 teams were terrible. I guess it just speaks to how much parity exists this year.
Houston at -850 and LAR -330 already locked in is pretty wild. IND -500 (until last night), GB -230, TB -550 and god forbid AT
RIP, 4/6
Baker and Love too good
CTE and CTE can be a killer. The same can’t be said about Covid - Godgers was correct in treating it as a non-threat and it takes some guts to look around and tell everyone around you that they are wrong and you are right.
Spoiler
you say tomato, i say horsepaste makes your achilles disintegrate
