How to Deal with Bullying
I get bullied a lot playing live poker, and I don't know how to deal with it. I'm very quiet, introverted, suffer from chronic anxiety and depression, and have been told by mental health professionals I appear to be "on the spectrum." I have been a target of bullies most of my life, and this plays out in poker too. I'm a semi-regular player, and one of the other regulars always makes a comment about me when he sits down at my table, something along the lines of "Has anyone ever heard this guy talk?" One guy even "hit" me one time, like a non-menacing hit. I don't remember why, but it shocked me. I recently started playing a higher stakes semi-private game because it's good action, and everyone at first made negative comments to me, presumably because I played tight and didn't push every other hand like they did. When I sit down at that game occasionally now there's always a bunch of groans.
The worst comment was a few weeks ago. A guy made a homophobic comment about me. As soon as I sat down it was "Seat one" this and "Seat one" that. I didn't do or say anything to provoke him, or say anything in response. He eventually stated that I would be sucking a lot of dealers D's as part of some running joke at the table that was kind of funny at first but somehow spiraled into homophobia against me. One of the other regs tried to stand up for me, which some players that seem to like me sometimes do. I tried to laugh it off. I feel bad I didn't say anything confrontational, and feel like I should have even reported to the floor since it was homophobia.
In the past when I had more energy, I had a temper, and would sometimes "explode" on bullies, which quickly became fist fights resulting in broken bones or cartilage on someone's part. I can handle myself fighting, although I don't work out anymore and am small framed. I don't want to have fist fights anymore, and I don't want to get kicked out of the casino. I don't know how to stand up to a bully without it becoming violent.
I try to ignore these people, but they sometimes really get to me, especially when the bully is a reg I have to see often. What do I say when people make bullying comments towards me?
Not to sound ungrateful, but none of these responses offer advice on how to deal with bullies. Some seemed to misunderstand the issue, which is understandable since this is the internet. Others seems to offer advice on how to avoid the bullying, ways to try and prevent the bullying, offered life advice unrelated to the bullying, denied the bullying is even happening, or blamed me for being the victim of the bullying. I'm seeking advice on h
I'd reiterate what others said. I'm not on the spectrum but several people have suspected so as I'm naturally very introverted and pretty weird.
Eventually I developed really good social skills, at least in certain contexts. It can be done. One breakthrough moment for me was realizing you can just ask people questions and they are happy to talk about themselves. Jobs are a great subject. All kinds of people play poker: cops, fisherman, rich guys, athletes, salesmen, entrepreneurs... learn to take a genuine interest.
Spergy people can be off putting when they are totally self centered. Develop compassion and an interest in others, which also helps at poker.
One good piece of advice I heard on bullying/criticism is to stop being a b.
If you're very sensitive to criticism it's probably because you have a fear that is true, or you have low self esteem in general and think others are exposing the truth you don't want to face.
Like, if someone said you were a spy for Joseph Stalin or a lizard person you probably wouldn't be offended and just think they were crazy. So why do more plausible insults bother you?
Just embrace the fact that you're flawed. It's fine. If you're short, you're short. If you're fat, you're fat.
Either the flaw you have is real, and that's just a fact. Maybe it's something you can work on. Maybe it's just a fact of reality. Oh well. Why worry about some basic fact like being old, fat, big nosed, etc. Would it be less true if nobody said it?
Or the insult is false, so who really cares. It's like someone saying you are a Soviet spy.
If someone tries to use words to create a negative reaction in you you can defeat them by not having that reaction.
If someone says you're going to blow the dealer later say "only if he makes at least $10 in tips."
While I understand (and mostly agree) with your point, I will say Trash Talk Tuesdays at the old Hard Rock in Vegas (back when they had decent poker), were consistently some of the best games I ever played in. For some reason, most people play worse with testosterone flowing through their veins.
Sure, but those guys went there specifically for that experience. I thought about trying that game out myself.
