2023 NFL Regular Season
As a niners fan I have spent this entire offseason in a silent rage
The last 20 years of being a niners fan has been an agony unlike any any franchise has ever come across. You can sit there and bemoan being a browns fan or a lions fan or blah blah blah **** you. The reality is in this period of time has blueballed no fanbase more than us *******s.
I sat through Mike Nolan. I sat through Smith over Rodgers. I sat through Mike ****ing god damned cockbreath Singletary. And then…
2011: Kyle Williams single handedly loses the NFCCG by botching returns not once but ****ing twice against the shittiest super bowl champion history has ever seen
2012: Turtle****er has no concept for the play clock and somehow someway I have to sit there and watch Joe Flacco become a super bowl champion
2013: Richard Sherman goes full WWE promo because he tips away a potential game winner in the NFCCG
2014-2017: because of the shittiest GM who has ever breathed air (needle can attest), I end up with 3 years of watching Chip Kelly and something called a Jim Tomsula coach this team into nothingness
2018: thinking he is so ****ing smart that he can trade for someone and flip him later, Lynch trades a 2nd for Jimmy mother****ing Womp
2019: 10 point lead in the 4th quarter of the Super Bowl? Watch me work
2020: lol
2021: 10 point lead in the 4th quarter of the NFCCG? Watch me work
Which brings us to last year. Somehow, despite everything that happened for TWENTY ****ING YEARS this cut deepest. This wasn’t even fair. I thought I was done with Jimmy. I wasn’t. The guy we traded 3 1sts for went down for the year and we ended up with him long enough for him to be such a fiasco he lost to Denver by Orlovskying before going down for the year and letting the last pick of the draft be the qb
And the last pick of the draft went 10-0
And the last pick of the draft had a shot at taking the niners to the ****ing super bowl
And he broke his elbow
And by halftime the only other qb on the roster had a concussion
And in something unlike anything I have ever seen in my ENTIRE ****ING LIFE a conference title game was being played without a qb
After thinking about this for a few months preparing myself for this season I have decided one thing and one thing only: **** each and every last one of you
With that in mind, welcome to the 2023 NFL Season
Your contenders:
1. Kansas City Chiefs: +600
Get ****ed. **** your Kermit ass QB, **** your morbidly obese coach who can’t keep his own children alive, **** your Kermit ass QB’s brother who sounds like a sexual predator, **** your Kermit ass QB’s wife who sounds like she cucks Kermit on the regular while posting thirst traps for the gram
**** your fanbase. **** your chop that you still do in the year of our lord 2023 for reasons I will never understand. **** your city, **** your state(s). I don’t give a **** if you claim the Chiefs from Kansas or Missouri, you’re a sack of ****. I had to watch you win a super bowl because your woman beating speedster broke open on Richard Sherman who is a man I want to see choke on his own delusion until the final ounce of life leaves his body. I hate you. I will always hate you
2. Philadelphia Eagles: +800
Get your ****ing ass out of here. Josh Johnson was drawing live to beat you until he got a concussion. JOSH JOHNSON! That buffoon has played for 47 football teams in 4 years. Neat little story. **** you anyway. Always Sunny has no redeeming characters cuz everyone in Philly is a malcontent POS. You have a jail in your stadiums. Trea Turner needed to buy billboard advertising to beg you to stop sending his family death threats. The only solace I have in the 9ers losing the NFCCG is you didn’t win the Super Bowl
3. San Francisco 49ers: +1000
I ****ing hate 9er fans with a fire that burns from 20000 suns. Your average 9er fan? Calling into SPORTS TALK RADIO to say Lynch should be lynched and Kyle should be fired because blah blah blah 3 1st round picks for lance blah blah blah Jimmy was the guy who coulda won the super bowl blah blah blah. I’m stuck sitting here rooting for a team whose best player is a Proud Boy. Our QB is from Iowa by way of Arizona so I already know before he opens his mouth he’s right there with Bosa. I visited Levis last year to watch the Rams game and somehow ended up in some insane wind tunnel directly underneath the pathway for where planes land in San Jose international 5 miles away. I was also watching a game in the parking lot of an amusement park for $400/ticket + $60 for a beer and chicken tenders. **** my ****ing life
4. Cincinnati Bengals: +1100
You dipshits give Paul Brown your hard earned money of which you have none. ****ing simps. Skyline chili is the stupidest **** I have ever heard of. You fat ****s sit at the alter of Joe Burrow despite the fact that he’s basically Boomer Esiason with a cigar. Have fun with that. You’re about to make him the highest paid NFL player of all time and there’s a 50/50 chance he’ll have some sort of leg injury that knocks him out for the next 7 seasons.
Also I drafted Chase last year and he was ****. So **** him. **** you too
5. Dallas Cowboys: +1500
Give me a second here….
I hate every single human being associated with this franchise and nothing gets my cock harder than knowing they have spent the last 2 years watching this team lose to the 9ers in the playoffs in the stupidest way imaginable BOTH ****ING TIMES! I have no sympathy for you. I go to sleep every night hoping Jerry Jones dies and wake up every morning furious he hasn’t. You employ Mike McCarthy. You pay some “mental health day” snowflake named Dakota an ungodly sum of money to win never. Micah Parsons gives heavy Clayton Bigsby vibes only Micah knows he’s black.
And the fans of this franchise?
Holy **** you ****ing loser ass dipshits in your loser ass city and your bumass state. If there was a just and loving god Texas would be ethered from existence and we wouldn’t have to pretend you how bout dem cowboy hicks have anything to say that we need to listen to. I will take a personal day when Jimmy Johnson dies to spend it all masturbating
6-32. Who gives a living ****
**** the Jets. Congrats on landing the immunized one. Can’t wait til you turn on him
**** the Ravens. You paid Lamar. Enjoy watching him do nothing
**** the Dolphins. I’m not certain Tua isn’t braindead as of this post
**** all of you. Let us football
Pats stick with Mayo.
I mean they definitely aren’t a good fit but I think if anything has been made clear it’s that Deshaun got his money and he is not interested in trying
I don’t think there’s a coach who is going to magically unlock the guy
Maybe not. I'm higher than most on Deshaun still having a chance to be a quality QB in the league, but they need to find a coach who can play to his strengths.
Terrible situation he inherited with a terrible ownership structure, he’s never had a franchise QB. He’s got the best win loss % there in 35 years
It's a low bar . But that's why I think he gets at least another year due to their success this season. Had they gone 7-10/8-9 and missed the playoffs, I think he'd for sure be out.
This thread talks about some of his deficiencies on the offensive side of the ball.
Vrabel was COY two years ago. Daboll was last year and followed it up with a bad season. Matt Nagy was COY in 2018. Jason Garrett in 2016. Ron Rivera in 2015. He also won in 2013. Being COY is more about performing above expectation than being a good coach. Sometimes both are true. Harbaugh won in 2019 and McVay in 2017.
Lol pats you kidding me with this?
Yeah I really don't get the hire.
pats wanted miracle whip, get mayo instead
Hiring guys as HC where their only experience is as a positional coach, generally doesn’t work out.
Hiring guys as HC where their only experience is as a positional coach, generally doesn’t work out.
I don't disagree. Sean Payton was back to position coach when the Saints hired him but he had 2 years as OC with the Giants before that. John Harbaugh only had experience as special teams coordinator but at least on paper that's a coordinator position, too.
Patriots are probably an edge case though because they didn't even have a DC under Belichick. Might have made sense to promote Mayo last season when he signed the new contract? FWIW, at least according to media reports the reason why Mayo got that succession plan written in his contract was that he received interview requests from other teams for their HC position.
Certainly a weird thing when you not only have to replace the HC but also the GM, DC and 3 position coaches on defense (Mayo, both Belichick kids). Belichick kinda ran that thing like a family business.
We might also find out with Antonio Pierce.
Do pats not have to do all the interview stuff?
they hired a minority?
I would be more worried about them taking a guy with a defensive background when the teams struggles are on the offensive side of the ball.
From The Athletic:
The condition in the Rooney Rule and anti-tampering policy allows teams to bypass the typical interview process if they establish in writing a succession plan and communicate that with the league before the start of the season. According to a league source, the Patriots did that with Mayo.
Would have been kinda shitty of them not to promote him after they put that succession plan into his contract last year. It's not like his unit underperformed this season or there was any other reason to walk back on that.
I mean that’s all well and good but I’d be surprised if they did that thinking this year was gonna be such a ****ing disaster
A lot was made about how BB’s assistants always failed as coaches and how he and only he can run the ‘Patriot Way’ but considering how less than mediocre he’s been with without Brady the more logical conclusion is the Patriot Way doesn’t work at all unless you have a HOF qb making well below market value for 2 decades
You’re getting the #3 pick and almost 100 million in cap space to overhaul what is decidedly the worst offense in the AFCE in an era where you need offense to be successful. And when you finally make your break from a relic of a time gone by, and a chance to completely reinvent the team, you go with a defensive minded retread of the guy you just showed the door
Cool. Cool cool cool
I still think gayo for mayo even after all these years
Hiring guys as HC where their only experience is as a positional coach, generally doesn’t work out.
I don't disagree. Sean Payton was back to position coach when the Saints hired him but he had 2 years as OC with the Giants before that. John Harbaugh only had experience as special teams coordinator but at least on paper that's a coordinator position, too.
Andy Reid wasn't a coordinator fwiw (not saying he's not the exception to the rule)
Ian Rapoport reporting that Mayo's contract has a stipulation that he's the next Head Coach.
That doesn't mean it's a lock but it means that if they do choose to go with him, they won't need to satisfy Rooney Rule and other procedural requirements.
if it was me, I'd want to appoint a GM first and make a dual commitment to GM/HC but that wouldn't be possible if they go with Mayo
Isn't that remarkable that the guy had a locked in contract for it yet it goes unreported in all the coverage? I say it's a major fail. When you take an assistant of a gonzo coach you are often getting a lightweight version of that former guy and with no head coaching experience. I though Kraft would go big but maybe it was locked in.
Warner unanimous all pro surprised the hell outta me. Felt like he’s sucked (relative to his general fredness anyway)
Career INTs through first 6 seasons:
Manning 110
Marino 103
Elway 96
Favre 93
Brees 82
Brady 78
Josh Allen 78
Would have been kinda shitty of them not to promote him after they put that succession plan into his contract last year. It's not like his unit underperformed this season or there was any other reason to walk back on that.
Plus, imagine if they’d kept a black coach from applying for other HC opportunities by writing his succession plan to the top job into his contract and then gone out and hired a white guy anyway
Isn't that remarkable that the guy had a locked in contract for it yet it goes unreported in all the coverage? I say it's a major fail. When you take an assistant of a gonzo coach you are often getting a lightweight version of that former guy and with no head coaching experience. I though Kraft would go big but maybe it was locked in.
I’d heard Bill Simmons talk about it on a pod during the year so it was out there somewhere, but yep, I never read it anywhere
Plus, imagine if they’d kept a black coach from applying for other HC opportunities by writing his succession plan to the top job into his contract and then gone out and hired a white guy anyway
I'd imagine he wouldn't care the race of the guy they hired instead of him. He would be pissed and I assume would be owed a lot of money from the pats for breaking the contract.
