2023 NFL Regular Season
As a niners fan I have spent this entire offseason in a silent rage
The last 20 years of being a niners fan has been an agony unlike any any franchise has ever come across. You can sit there and bemoan being a browns fan or a lions fan or blah blah blah **** you. The reality is in this period of time has blueballed no fanbase more than us *******s.
I sat through Mike Nolan. I sat through Smith over Rodgers. I sat through Mike ****ing god damned cockbreath Singletary. And then…
2011: Kyle Williams single handedly loses the NFCCG by botching returns not once but ****ing twice against the shittiest super bowl champion history has ever seen
2012: Turtle****er has no concept for the play clock and somehow someway I have to sit there and watch Joe Flacco become a super bowl champion
2013: Richard Sherman goes full WWE promo because he tips away a potential game winner in the NFCCG
2014-2017: because of the shittiest GM who has ever breathed air (needle can attest), I end up with 3 years of watching Chip Kelly and something called a Jim Tomsula coach this team into nothingness
2018: thinking he is so ****ing smart that he can trade for someone and flip him later, Lynch trades a 2nd for Jimmy mother****ing Womp
2019: 10 point lead in the 4th quarter of the Super Bowl? Watch me work
2020: lol
2021: 10 point lead in the 4th quarter of the NFCCG? Watch me work
Which brings us to last year. Somehow, despite everything that happened for TWENTY ****ING YEARS this cut deepest. This wasn’t even fair. I thought I was done with Jimmy. I wasn’t. The guy we traded 3 1sts for went down for the year and we ended up with him long enough for him to be such a fiasco he lost to Denver by Orlovskying before going down for the year and letting the last pick of the draft be the qb
And the last pick of the draft went 10-0
And the last pick of the draft had a shot at taking the niners to the ****ing super bowl
And he broke his elbow
And by halftime the only other qb on the roster had a concussion
And in something unlike anything I have ever seen in my ENTIRE ****ING LIFE a conference title game was being played without a qb
After thinking about this for a few months preparing myself for this season I have decided one thing and one thing only: **** each and every last one of you
With that in mind, welcome to the 2023 NFL Season
Your contenders:
1. Kansas City Chiefs: +600
Get ****ed. **** your Kermit ass QB, **** your morbidly obese coach who can’t keep his own children alive, **** your Kermit ass QB’s brother who sounds like a sexual predator, **** your Kermit ass QB’s wife who sounds like she cucks Kermit on the regular while posting thirst traps for the gram
**** your fanbase. **** your chop that you still do in the year of our lord 2023 for reasons I will never understand. **** your city, **** your state(s). I don’t give a **** if you claim the Chiefs from Kansas or Missouri, you’re a sack of ****. I had to watch you win a super bowl because your woman beating speedster broke open on Richard Sherman who is a man I want to see choke on his own delusion until the final ounce of life leaves his body. I hate you. I will always hate you
2. Philadelphia Eagles: +800
Get your ****ing ass out of here. Josh Johnson was drawing live to beat you until he got a concussion. JOSH JOHNSON! That buffoon has played for 47 football teams in 4 years. Neat little story. **** you anyway. Always Sunny has no redeeming characters cuz everyone in Philly is a malcontent POS. You have a jail in your stadiums. Trea Turner needed to buy billboard advertising to beg you to stop sending his family death threats. The only solace I have in the 9ers losing the NFCCG is you didn’t win the Super Bowl
3. San Francisco 49ers: +1000
I ****ing hate 9er fans with a fire that burns from 20000 suns. Your average 9er fan? Calling into SPORTS TALK RADIO to say Lynch should be lynched and Kyle should be fired because blah blah blah 3 1st round picks for lance blah blah blah Jimmy was the guy who coulda won the super bowl blah blah blah. I’m stuck sitting here rooting for a team whose best player is a Proud Boy. Our QB is from Iowa by way of Arizona so I already know before he opens his mouth he’s right there with Bosa. I visited Levis last year to watch the Rams game and somehow ended up in some insane wind tunnel directly underneath the pathway for where planes land in San Jose international 5 miles away. I was also watching a game in the parking lot of an amusement park for $400/ticket + $60 for a beer and chicken tenders. **** my ****ing life
4. Cincinnati Bengals: +1100
You dipshits give Paul Brown your hard earned money of which you have none. ****ing simps. Skyline chili is the stupidest **** I have ever heard of. You fat ****s sit at the alter of Joe Burrow despite the fact that he’s basically Boomer Esiason with a cigar. Have fun with that. You’re about to make him the highest paid NFL player of all time and there’s a 50/50 chance he’ll have some sort of leg injury that knocks him out for the next 7 seasons.
Also I drafted Chase last year and he was ****. So **** him. **** you too
5. Dallas Cowboys: +1500
Give me a second here….
I hate every single human being associated with this franchise and nothing gets my cock harder than knowing they have spent the last 2 years watching this team lose to the 9ers in the playoffs in the stupidest way imaginable BOTH ****ING TIMES! I have no sympathy for you. I go to sleep every night hoping Jerry Jones dies and wake up every morning furious he hasn’t. You employ Mike McCarthy. You pay some “mental health day” snowflake named Dakota an ungodly sum of money to win never. Micah Parsons gives heavy Clayton Bigsby vibes only Micah knows he’s black.
And the fans of this franchise?
Holy **** you ****ing loser ass dipshits in your loser ass city and your bumass state. If there was a just and loving god Texas would be ethered from existence and we wouldn’t have to pretend you how bout dem cowboy hicks have anything to say that we need to listen to. I will take a personal day when Jimmy Johnson dies to spend it all masturbating
6-32. Who gives a living ****
**** the Jets. Congrats on landing the immunized one. Can’t wait til you turn on him
**** the Ravens. You paid Lamar. Enjoy watching him do nothing
**** the Dolphins. I’m not certain Tua isn’t braindead as of this post
**** all of you. Let us football
while no doubt there'll be a Falcons announcement to prove me wrong soon, I'm beginning to think BB might not get an offer. Apparently Falcons owner wants him but the rest of the front office don't and I can't see another team where he's a fit.
I think it would be pretty funny if he didn't get a job
Michigan for the lolz
The further we get from BB’s second interview, the less likely I think he’s the coach. Atlanta still interviewing others.
Agreed it’s Atl or bust for him.
"Bills GM voices support for Sean McDermott after loss to Chiefs"
"Stefon Diggs Still Seen as No. 1 WR by Bills, GM Brandon Beane Says"
Found the problem in Buffalo. Sorry Josh you are f'ed. Defense will be ranked last next year.
Dope finds support from bigger dope.
The further we get from BB’s second interview, the less likely I think he’s the coach. Atlanta still interviewing others.
Agreed it’s Atl or bust for him.
the fact that he took the second interview at all was telling. He's the most successful coach of all time - you're not hiring him off his interview, you're buying the cv and you work it out from there
I could be making this up but I’m pretty sure I read some SI article yesterday that if harbs took the job the entire Michigan coaching staff was coming with him
Isn't Sherrone Moore supposed to be his replacement at Michigan? I highly doubt he'd turn that down to work as Chargers OC. So at least that job should still be available.
Best day ever
Chargers play the Ravens next year
Who's got it better than us hurrdy hurr hurr **** that family
+25,000 SE Forum Points
I think Bill would excel in the role. Would he ever take it in a million years?
Bb won't take a dc position
All he wants to do is beat Shula's record
can the Jets fire the (nearly 45 year old) guy who clearly dyes his beard jet black and hire Bb?
this
why betting that he'll be a coach by week 1 is basically free money
he hates schula who said a lot of bad things about him, he will not retire until he has more wins than him
Yep
Is about this
https://www.sportscasting.com/the-late-d...
He will take any job to accumulate 27 regular season wins
i believe he only needs 17 wins to break the record because playoffs count towards the record people talk about
be sick of some billionaire owner offered him like 25m a year to be just DC
Nobody says "1. Chargers" better than Crazy Jimmy Habaurgh.
maybe more in Atlanta.
We'll never know (and he'll never admit it anyway so w/e) but I'm not sure I'm on board with the chasing Shula part of this. Maybe it's a part of it and of course he'd want the record, but I reckon it's his entire life and identity and he would have a giant ego and a) still think he's the best and b) not want to finish his career on the failure of this Pats season
I think Atlanta is a great job, dunno if that is a contrarian opinion.
You got good offensive weapons, good OL, decent D, most garbage division by far, inferior conference by far going forward
and you got the 8th pick to trade up to into the top 2 when it seems likely the teams in the top 2 want to move the pick
I'd also say it is significantly easier to come in, take out the low hanging fruit and turn a team into a 10-11 win team from a 7 win team than it is turning a team like dallas/philly/buffalo into a superbowl team. It is just a much easier jump to make, making/winning the SB is hard and if BB goes to a ready made team and doesn't really improve them, that is a bigger failure than just not being able to turn around a falcons level team.
I think Atlanta is a great job, dunno if that is a contrarian opinion.
You got good offensive weapons, good OL, decent D, most garbage division by far, inferior conference by far going forward
and you got the 8th pick to trade up to into the top 2 when it seems likely the teams in the top 2 want to move the pick
I'd also say it is significantly easier to come in, take out the low hanging fruit and turn a team into a 10-11 win team from a 7 win
you think one of the Bears or Skins will trade down?
I think when he asked himself where to coach he settled on where he couldn’t have it any better.
Then he naturally gravitated to 1. Chargers
Do we root for him to succeed or fail spectacularly?
Is it possible to envision a scenario where 1. Chargers succeed but Harbaugh fails spectacularly?
I'll wait if necessary. I hear that truth is stranger than fiction.
can the Jets fire the (nearly 45 year old) guy who clearly dyes his beard jet black and hire Bb?
So frustrating hearing Salah after games. He speakes like in this corporate way. Everything is so ... sanitized? I don't know how to put it.. But he would fit perfect in corporate america. I wish there was some attitude. But everyone loves him and he does seem like a good person. D is good. Whatever
I will say one thing I like. He acknowledged the o'line needed work way back in preseason. I don't know if the press forced it out, but he was honest. And wow were they bad.
i can't believe i'm going to be rooting for the ****ing chargers
I’d be happy with Belichick to the Falcons. Just don’t let him draft or pick the free agents.
I think I’d like Vrabel more, though. Proven to take meh teams to the playoffs, commands the locker room’s respect. Seems like his best days are still ahead of him.
Arthur Smith was a Tennessee guy, though. Blank may not want to go back to that well again.
