2023 NFL Regular Season
As a niners fan I have spent this entire offseason in a silent rage
The last 20 years of being a niners fan has been an agony unlike any any franchise has ever come across. You can sit there and bemoan being a browns fan or a lions fan or blah blah blah **** you. The reality is in this period of time has blueballed no fanbase more than us *******s.
I sat through Mike Nolan. I sat through Smith over Rodgers. I sat through Mike ****ing god damned cockbreath Singletary. And then…
2011: Kyle Williams single handedly loses the NFCCG by botching returns not once but ****ing twice against the shittiest super bowl champion history has ever seen
2012: Turtle****er has no concept for the play clock and somehow someway I have to sit there and watch Joe Flacco become a super bowl champion
2013: Richard Sherman goes full WWE promo because he tips away a potential game winner in the NFCCG
2014-2017: because of the shittiest GM who has ever breathed air (needle can attest), I end up with 3 years of watching Chip Kelly and something called a Jim Tomsula coach this team into nothingness
2018: thinking he is so ****ing smart that he can trade for someone and flip him later, Lynch trades a 2nd for Jimmy mother****ing Womp
2019: 10 point lead in the 4th quarter of the Super Bowl? Watch me work
2020: lol
2021: 10 point lead in the 4th quarter of the NFCCG? Watch me work
Which brings us to last year. Somehow, despite everything that happened for TWENTY ****ING YEARS this cut deepest. This wasn’t even fair. I thought I was done with Jimmy. I wasn’t. The guy we traded 3 1sts for went down for the year and we ended up with him long enough for him to be such a fiasco he lost to Denver by Orlovskying before going down for the year and letting the last pick of the draft be the qb
And the last pick of the draft went 10-0
And the last pick of the draft had a shot at taking the niners to the ****ing super bowl
And he broke his elbow
And by halftime the only other qb on the roster had a concussion
And in something unlike anything I have ever seen in my ENTIRE ****ING LIFE a conference title game was being played without a qb
After thinking about this for a few months preparing myself for this season I have decided one thing and one thing only: **** each and every last one of you
With that in mind, welcome to the 2023 NFL Season
Your contenders:
1. Kansas City Chiefs: +600
Get ****ed. **** your Kermit ass QB, **** your morbidly obese coach who can’t keep his own children alive, **** your Kermit ass QB’s brother who sounds like a sexual predator, **** your Kermit ass QB’s wife who sounds like she cucks Kermit on the regular while posting thirst traps for the gram
**** your fanbase. **** your chop that you still do in the year of our lord 2023 for reasons I will never understand. **** your city, **** your state(s). I don’t give a **** if you claim the Chiefs from Kansas or Missouri, you’re a sack of ****. I had to watch you win a super bowl because your woman beating speedster broke open on Richard Sherman who is a man I want to see choke on his own delusion until the final ounce of life leaves his body. I hate you. I will always hate you
2. Philadelphia Eagles: +800
Get your ****ing ass out of here. Josh Johnson was drawing live to beat you until he got a concussion. JOSH JOHNSON! That buffoon has played for 47 football teams in 4 years. Neat little story. **** you anyway. Always Sunny has no redeeming characters cuz everyone in Philly is a malcontent POS. You have a jail in your stadiums. Trea Turner needed to buy billboard advertising to beg you to stop sending his family death threats. The only solace I have in the 9ers losing the NFCCG is you didn’t win the Super Bowl
3. San Francisco 49ers: +1000
I ****ing hate 9er fans with a fire that burns from 20000 suns. Your average 9er fan? Calling into SPORTS TALK RADIO to say Lynch should be lynched and Kyle should be fired because blah blah blah 3 1st round picks for lance blah blah blah Jimmy was the guy who coulda won the super bowl blah blah blah. I’m stuck sitting here rooting for a team whose best player is a Proud Boy. Our QB is from Iowa by way of Arizona so I already know before he opens his mouth he’s right there with Bosa. I visited Levis last year to watch the Rams game and somehow ended up in some insane wind tunnel directly underneath the pathway for where planes land in San Jose international 5 miles away. I was also watching a game in the parking lot of an amusement park for $400/ticket + $60 for a beer and chicken tenders. **** my ****ing life
4. Cincinnati Bengals: +1100
You dipshits give Paul Brown your hard earned money of which you have none. ****ing simps. Skyline chili is the stupidest **** I have ever heard of. You fat ****s sit at the alter of Joe Burrow despite the fact that he’s basically Boomer Esiason with a cigar. Have fun with that. You’re about to make him the highest paid NFL player of all time and there’s a 50/50 chance he’ll have some sort of leg injury that knocks him out for the next 7 seasons.
Also I drafted Chase last year and he was ****. So **** him. **** you too
5. Dallas Cowboys: +1500
Give me a second here….
I hate every single human being associated with this franchise and nothing gets my cock harder than knowing they have spent the last 2 years watching this team lose to the 9ers in the playoffs in the stupidest way imaginable BOTH ****ING TIMES! I have no sympathy for you. I go to sleep every night hoping Jerry Jones dies and wake up every morning furious he hasn’t. You employ Mike McCarthy. You pay some “mental health day” snowflake named Dakota an ungodly sum of money to win never. Micah Parsons gives heavy Clayton Bigsby vibes only Micah knows he’s black.
And the fans of this franchise?
Holy **** you ****ing loser ass dipshits in your loser ass city and your bumass state. If there was a just and loving god Texas would be ethered from existence and we wouldn’t have to pretend you how bout dem cowboy hicks have anything to say that we need to listen to. I will take a personal day when Jimmy Johnson dies to spend it all masturbating
6-32. Who gives a living ****
**** the Jets. Congrats on landing the immunized one. Can’t wait til you turn on him
**** the Ravens. You paid Lamar. Enjoy watching him do nothing
**** the Dolphins. I’m not certain Tua isn’t braindead as of this post
**** all of you. Let us football
So Belichick won't be coaching next year? 72 is old to take a year off but probably wise for him to let other coaches implode and get a good job next year. I do think falcons was a nice spot for him to turn a team into 11-12 wins w/ very easy schedule pretty quickly though. And then have a chance in the NFC.
Most of the teams that could fire their coaches after next season may be on the way down and tough to improve upon their recent success (Dallas, Philly, Miami)
I don’t think Harbaugh’s scheme is a problem if you have the personnel to swing it. Stanford, 9ers and Michigan were built on dominant running schemes built on elite o-lines and suffocating defenses with a great front 7
I don’t know that the chargers after they deal with the cap have the personnel to execute that same scheme. Maybe I’m wrong idk
I dont know either. But it's Harbaugh we're talking about here. He always succeeds. So the working assumption is 'dude will find a way' until he fails for the first time in his life.
I’m very curious what Herbert looks like in a Harbaugh offense. He’s obviously the best qb he’s had in any capacity since luck and even when he had luck the year they went 11-1 or 12-1 whatever it was the most yards luck threw in a game was in their only loss. In their wins luck threw for 300 twice and both times barely above that
He has never deviated from that offensive scheme with the Niners or Michigan
Herbie will be the best qb weapon harbaugh has ever coached
no kaep
and i drew the bad luck card when he rivers david shaw as offensively coordinated
just can't stand for it
So Belichick won't be coaching next year? 72 is old to take a year off but probably wise for him to let other coaches implode and get a good job next year. I do think falcons was a nice spot for him to turn a team into 11-12 wins w/ very easy schedule pretty quickly though. And then have a chance in the NFC.
Most of the teams that could fire their coaches after next season may be on the way down and tough to improve upon their recent success
have not been following the news but i imagine he's got plenty of suitors
Most of the teams that could fire their coaches after next season may be on the way down and tough to improve upon their recent success (Dallas, Philly, Miami)
Really? I thought he was the new Shanny where he would survive until a new qb or two was attempted.
(All coaches could get fired whenev ldo.)
Really? I thought he was the new Shanny where he would survive until a new qb or two was attempted.
(All coaches could get fired whenev ldo.)
Maybe, no clue. If Phins take a step back, I could see it.
Way their season ended, not sure how much of a leash he has if next season doesn't go great (vs a brutal schedule) Think he's way better as an OC anyway tbh....I'm not some advocate that you need an alpha football bro as the coach but he does seem a bit too much on the nerdy side to be a leader of men.
huh? there are 2 jobs left
seattle/washington
washington i think is no chance....seattle i suppose is possible but seems highly unlikely
one thing people dont mention with washington is that hiring a coach with great past success but maybe past his prime (gibbs, shanahan, even spurrier fits the big name description) is a dan snyder move and washington owners message is that its a new day, new philosophy
you don't think any orgs here would let go an existing coach if they knew bill was ready to sign?
you don't think any orgs here would let go an existing coach if they knew bill was ready to sign?
Bills only lost a few days ago, so I suppose that is on the table. Non-zero chance.
But we're in late January now, the great majority of teams aren't firing their coach in 2024 if they haven't already.
Not that you couldn't put half the NFL in this bin, but Miami especially seems like a team with a very wide range of outcomes next year as far as wins go. Anywhere from 5-6 to 12 wouldn't really shock me.
huh? there are 2 jobs left
seattle/washington
washington i think is no chance....seattle i suppose is possible but seems highly unlikely
one thing people dont mention with washington is that hiring a coach with great past success but maybe past his prime (gibbs, shanahan, even spurrier fits the big name description) is a dan snyder move and washington owners message is that its a new day, new philosophy
Snyder would have been salivating at BB being available.
On local radio they kept mentioning the chiefs. Any details on this? is BB gonna be a consultant for the chiefs?
huh? there are 2 jobs left
seattle/washington
washington i think is no chance....seattle i suppose is possible but seems highly unlikely
one thing people dont mention with washington is that hiring a coach with great past success but maybe past his prime (gibbs, shanahan, even spurrier fits the big name description) is a dan snyder move and washington owners message is that its a new day, new philosophy
Seattle just moved on from one coach in his 70s. No way they hire another one
Who's got it better then us?
Nobody
I can’t believe the Bills would ever hire him. Too much enmity to hire a 20 year division foe I’d have thought
I can’t believe the Bills would ever hire him. Too much enmity to hire a 20 year division foe I’d have thought
BB to the Bills is very hard to imagine.
Maybe the media underestimated how much those last 3 seasons hurt his reputation around the league? I wouldn't want for my team to hire him.
https://sports.yahoo.com/as-falcons-pass...
decent piece by charles robinson, nothing too crazy in here
basically belichick thought it was gonna be pretty similar to the pats setup if he took over the falcons and they kinda soured on it
my guess is he would moderate those demands a bit for a better team, im sure he was thinking he isnt checking his ego/demands for the falcons
He tried speed in space for 5 minutes and realized how dumb that was and made a quick u-turn back to his roots and promptly took over all of college football, but I agree with the spirit of your statement and my response would be I hope he NEVER deviates. It's real football the way the game was meant to be played. Winning "with character and cruelty"! As Pwnsall correctly said, we're talking about a top 5 oat football coach and he's STIL
avatar checks out lol
BB to the Bills is very hard to imagine.
Maybe the media underestimated how much those last 3 seasons hurt his reputation around the league? I wouldn't want for my team to hire him.
The ONLY coach (that’s left) I could see the bills moving on from mcdumbshit for in this cycle is Johnson. Going to BB is one of the only ways imaginable to take a step backwards from this coaching staff
