2023 NFL Regular Season
As a niners fan I have spent this entire offseason in a silent rage
The last 20 years of being a niners fan has been an agony unlike any any franchise has ever come across. You can sit there and bemoan being a browns fan or a lions fan or blah blah blah **** you. The reality is in this period of time has blueballed no fanbase more than us *******s.
I sat through Mike Nolan. I sat through Smith over Rodgers. I sat through Mike ****ing god damned cockbreath Singletary. And then…
2011: Kyle Williams single handedly loses the NFCCG by botching returns not once but ****ing twice against the shittiest super bowl champion history has ever seen
2012: Turtle****er has no concept for the play clock and somehow someway I have to sit there and watch Joe Flacco become a super bowl champion
2013: Richard Sherman goes full WWE promo because he tips away a potential game winner in the NFCCG
2014-2017: because of the shittiest GM who has ever breathed air (needle can attest), I end up with 3 years of watching Chip Kelly and something called a Jim Tomsula coach this team into nothingness
2018: thinking he is so ****ing smart that he can trade for someone and flip him later, Lynch trades a 2nd for Jimmy mother****ing Womp
2019: 10 point lead in the 4th quarter of the Super Bowl? Watch me work
2020: lol
2021: 10 point lead in the 4th quarter of the NFCCG? Watch me work
Which brings us to last year. Somehow, despite everything that happened for TWENTY ****ING YEARS this cut deepest. This wasn’t even fair. I thought I was done with Jimmy. I wasn’t. The guy we traded 3 1sts for went down for the year and we ended up with him long enough for him to be such a fiasco he lost to Denver by Orlovskying before going down for the year and letting the last pick of the draft be the qb
And the last pick of the draft went 10-0
And the last pick of the draft had a shot at taking the niners to the ****ing super bowl
And he broke his elbow
And by halftime the only other qb on the roster had a concussion
And in something unlike anything I have ever seen in my ENTIRE ****ING LIFE a conference title game was being played without a qb
After thinking about this for a few months preparing myself for this season I have decided one thing and one thing only: **** each and every last one of you
With that in mind, welcome to the 2023 NFL Season
Your contenders:
1. Kansas City Chiefs: +600
Get ****ed. **** your Kermit ass QB, **** your morbidly obese coach who can’t keep his own children alive, **** your Kermit ass QB’s brother who sounds like a sexual predator, **** your Kermit ass QB’s wife who sounds like she cucks Kermit on the regular while posting thirst traps for the gram
**** your fanbase. **** your chop that you still do in the year of our lord 2023 for reasons I will never understand. **** your city, **** your state(s). I don’t give a **** if you claim the Chiefs from Kansas or Missouri, you’re a sack of ****. I had to watch you win a super bowl because your woman beating speedster broke open on Richard Sherman who is a man I want to see choke on his own delusion until the final ounce of life leaves his body. I hate you. I will always hate you
2. Philadelphia Eagles: +800
Get your ****ing ass out of here. Josh Johnson was drawing live to beat you until he got a concussion. JOSH JOHNSON! That buffoon has played for 47 football teams in 4 years. Neat little story. **** you anyway. Always Sunny has no redeeming characters cuz everyone in Philly is a malcontent POS. You have a jail in your stadiums. Trea Turner needed to buy billboard advertising to beg you to stop sending his family death threats. The only solace I have in the 9ers losing the NFCCG is you didn’t win the Super Bowl
3. San Francisco 49ers: +1000
I ****ing hate 9er fans with a fire that burns from 20000 suns. Your average 9er fan? Calling into SPORTS TALK RADIO to say Lynch should be lynched and Kyle should be fired because blah blah blah 3 1st round picks for lance blah blah blah Jimmy was the guy who coulda won the super bowl blah blah blah. I’m stuck sitting here rooting for a team whose best player is a Proud Boy. Our QB is from Iowa by way of Arizona so I already know before he opens his mouth he’s right there with Bosa. I visited Levis last year to watch the Rams game and somehow ended up in some insane wind tunnel directly underneath the pathway for where planes land in San Jose international 5 miles away. I was also watching a game in the parking lot of an amusement park for $400/ticket + $60 for a beer and chicken tenders. **** my ****ing life
4. Cincinnati Bengals: +1100
You dipshits give Paul Brown your hard earned money of which you have none. ****ing simps. Skyline chili is the stupidest **** I have ever heard of. You fat ****s sit at the alter of Joe Burrow despite the fact that he’s basically Boomer Esiason with a cigar. Have fun with that. You’re about to make him the highest paid NFL player of all time and there’s a 50/50 chance he’ll have some sort of leg injury that knocks him out for the next 7 seasons.
Also I drafted Chase last year and he was ****. So **** him. **** you too
5. Dallas Cowboys: +1500
Give me a second here….
I hate every single human being associated with this franchise and nothing gets my cock harder than knowing they have spent the last 2 years watching this team lose to the 9ers in the playoffs in the stupidest way imaginable BOTH ****ING TIMES! I have no sympathy for you. I go to sleep every night hoping Jerry Jones dies and wake up every morning furious he hasn’t. You employ Mike McCarthy. You pay some “mental health day” snowflake named Dakota an ungodly sum of money to win never. Micah Parsons gives heavy Clayton Bigsby vibes only Micah knows he’s black.
And the fans of this franchise?
Holy **** you ****ing loser ass dipshits in your loser ass city and your bumass state. If there was a just and loving god Texas would be ethered from existence and we wouldn’t have to pretend you how bout dem cowboy hicks have anything to say that we need to listen to. I will take a personal day when Jimmy Johnson dies to spend it all masturbating
6-32. Who gives a living ****
**** the Jets. Congrats on landing the immunized one. Can’t wait til you turn on him
**** the Ravens. You paid Lamar. Enjoy watching him do nothing
**** the Dolphins. I’m not certain Tua isn’t braindead as of this post
**** all of you. Let us football
and now its down to 1, people finally realizing that Mahomes should never be an underdog in the playoffs esp at a neutral site. he's lost one playoff game to a non-Brady team in his entire career, he is 12-3 ATS in the playoffs against non-Brady teams. when the games start to matter you should never bet against Mahomes/Reid the same way you would never bet against Brady/Belichick when they were in their primes.
yeah more I think of it, who the hell is gonna bet SF? Public doesn't really move lines in the nfl like people think, but everyone is gonna be on KC there and it is the SB which is a huge public betting event
mahomes the new goat type in the midst of his dynasty vs a team that needed a million breaks to beat the packers and lions and loses every year
I'm dead inside.
Another year of inane Lamar narrative talk upcoming. He can win a playoff game now but can't get over the hump in the AFCCG/against the big dog. Blah blah blah. Did he have a great game? No. Did he cost the Ravens the game? I don't feel so. The first half plan was abysmal, that was straight out of the Greg Roman era playbook. What was Monken doing abandoning our power run game against a weaker run defense? Pull a lineman or two and run it down their god damn throats.
The Zay sequence. ****. If he cashes that in, I feel great about our chances. Defense was standing on its head the entire second half and momentum swing was real. Meanwhile the taunting penalty to put them back in that position was just idiotic. Speaking of penalties most of them were self inflicted wounds: Clowney roughing the passer, Zay taunt, Van Noy bump on Kelce (that's a joke call for that, btw), Roquan offside final drive was excessive. Going to sound delusional but feel like one of the deep OBJ attempts was a hold, and it was absolutely PI on Likely on the endzone pick. Yeah it's a terrible throw into triple coverage. Whatever. ****
Mahomes was a surgeon the first half, those early drive conversions were nuts. Kelce played great but is a total douche. KC defense played great, those corners are sticky and tough and all that. I'm a mad sad lad.
GL suzzer, Schlitz, GL SRM ethbtc88.
Personal highlight was the kids watching all the neighbors doing fireworks after the game almost turning it into July 4th.
Obviously rooting for KC in the SB but just making it to the last game of the season again is pretty cool. Not going to another SB parade anyway unless they do something crazy like have Taylor Swift perform.
Happy for everyone who is super invested emotionally if their team made it. GL. Sorry if your team lost.
Pinnacle shading KC +1.5.
I suspect most of the action will be on ML. KC opened +118 now +106.
Not trying to pile on I swear but I feel like it’s a catastrophic mistake for the lions to extend Goff
He was objectively not good. Yes, there were a couple massive drops but he regularly missed the target, like that flea flicker where he underthrew the open receiver by 20 yards
He wasn’t any better against tampa
I dunno. Lions have so much in place going for them that extending goff for the money he would get sets them back bigly I think
Not trying to pile on I swear but I feel like it’s a catastrophic mistake for the lions to extend Goff
He was objectively not good. Yes, there were a couple massive drops but he regularly missed the target, like that flea flicker where he underthrew the open receiver by 20 yards
He wasn’t any better against tampa
I dunno. Lions have so much in place going for them that extending goff for the money he would get sets them back bigly I think
The not good is very clearly subjective.
I thought he played well. Against what…the #1 pass defence in the NFL? On the road in a hostile atmosphere?
Multiple drops and other ones that could have been taken. And it’s not his fault his coach went for it ******lly when already up 14 in FG range and then his RB coughed it up on his own 20.
Purdy played well too once he stopped trying to throw INTs
I dunno goff missed quite a few throws, and he’s at the ceiling of what he’s gonna be. If you’re gonna give him the money he’s gonna command the expectation is that no defense is good enough that you should miss that many throws
was going for it the wrong move? i thought so when watching but given the way their D was being shredded 2nd half im not sure, badgley isn't exactly justin tucker either
the 2nd 1 at the 30 down 3 i wasnt really sure either
tough spots....didnt really feel like lions got dominated 2nd half as much as like 5 5050 type plays all went against them between the 4th downs, the drops, the gibbs fumble
I dunno goff missed quite a few throws, and he’s at the ceiling of what he’s gonna be. If you’re gonna give him the money he’s gonna command the expectation is that no defense is good enough that you should miss that many throws
unlike most fairly young QB's due extensions (and i know this is goffs 2nd one) hes now seen what it is like on the other side of the nfl
id imagine lions could get him to take a fairly team friendly deal given they rehabilitated his career and put him in a position to play well again
was going for it the wrong move? i thought so when watching but given the way their D was being shredded 2nd half im not sure, badgley isn't exactly justin tucker either
the 2nd 1 at the 30 down 3 i wasnt really sure either
tough spots....didnt really feel like lions got dominated 2nd half as much as like 5 5050 type plays all went against them between the 4th downs, the drops, the gibbs fumble
I agree completely with bottom para
Also think it was 4th and 3 not 4th and inches and you’re 14 points ahead on the road in a playoff game. Take the points and be 3 scores ahead. So much harder to lose it from there
unlike most fairly young QB's due extensions (and i know this is goffs 2nd one) hes now seen what it is like on the other side of the nfl
id imagine lions could get him to take a fairly team friendly deal given they rehabilitated his career and put him in a position to play well again
I mean if you can get goff for about what he’s making right now that’s a solid deal
If you need to give goff 40+/season I can’t see how the lions are better off for it
But it's very easy to see how they're worse off for it considering they won't have any high draft capital, what's the alternative? It's the same problem and debate when extending Kirk/Dak/Tua etc.
yeah, I mean he's been a clear top 10 QB for the past 2 seasons who has played pretty well at least in 3 straight playoff games and would have got them to the SB if his RB didn't fumble. And could have done anyway if one or two other things had gone his way
there's franchises that have been searching for that level of competence for a decade or more
IMO he'll get more than the Daniel Jones deal
I agree completely with bottom para
Also think it was 4th and 3 not 4th and inches and you’re 14 points ahead on the road in a playoff game. Take the points and be 3 scores ahead. So much harder to lose it from there
but its not really a "take the pts" situation when it is a 45 yard FG
what is badgley equity from there? like 70%?
and at that point in the game, their offense had not been stopped at all...really all game their O was never stopped besides a few high leverage plays on 4th down and the gibbs fumble
main thing i think campbell totally ****ed up that will get overlooked because it probably wouldnt have mattered is running montgomery before their last TD. He got stuffed and they had to use the timeout. That basically ended the game. They needed to be all passing there so they could have chance to get ball back for a FG. That was a colossal error that is going unnoticed it seems.
Brock Purdy is going to be the worst quarterback to ever start a Super Bowl.
This is guy is ****ing terrible.
I was curious about this. This is the worst I've got
main thing i think campbell totally ****ed up that will get overlooked because it probably wouldnt have mattered is running montgomery before their last TD. He got stuffed and they had to use the timeout. That basically ended the game. They needed to be all passing there so they could have chance to get ball back for a FG. That was a colossal error that is going unnoticed it seems.
That was bad but the situation was so dire at that point it didn't matter that much. Basically for them to get the ball back and matter they'd need to
1) pass on 3rd and score, or pass on 3rd and 4th and score
2) 3 and out on D.
3) Get ball back and get at least a field goal with no timeouts.
I feel 2+3 would've been quite an arduous task.
That was bad but the situation was so dire at that point it didn't matter that much. Basically for them to get the ball back and matter they'd need to
1) pass on 3rd and score, or pass on 3rd and 4th and score
2) 3 and out on D.
3) Get ball back and get at least a field goal with no timeouts.
I feel 2+3 would've been quite an arduous task.
well they wouldve got it back with like 35 seconds with the 3 and out after 3 runs, 35 seconds to drive like 60-70 yards for a shot at a FG is a longshot obviously but maybe not impossible
but whatever chance that was basically went to 0 after the montgomery run
well they wouldve got it back with like 35 seconds with the 3 and out after 3 runs, 35 seconds to drive like 60-70 yards for a shot at a FG is a longshot obviously but maybe not impossible
but whatever chance that was basically went to 0 after the montgomery run
Yup. Long shot -> 0 isn't that colossal of a mistake.
I wasn't crazy about hurts contract after 1 good year on a loaded team either but lions are a similar spot
youre ready to win now with other good players all on rookie deals (lap, hutch, gibbs, sun god) and the weaker confererence
just pay him a decent deal and keep it moving.....if it wasnt for drops, he wouldve probably hung close to 40 on SF today....At his heart he's still the goof but who cares, with these weapons he can be solid
i think we've seen recently, no matter how good people think some of these orgs are, you lose a QB and it isn't always easy to replace him. And Cam Newton isn't available anymore anyway because he got that podcast money now
He was objectively not good. Yes, there were a couple massive drops but he regularly missed the target, like that flea flicker where he underthrew the open receiver by 20 yards
Were we watching the same game? Yes, he short armed a throw where he was about to get lit up. He couldn’t make a pure arm strength throw on the run to save a 4th down. He threw away one or two balls safely when guys were not open. Everything else was on target. Goff was more than acceptable and given the general dearth of competent QBs having him around for a few more years is fine.
Brad Holmes is too smart to give him a franchise-crippling deal. But if a reasonable deal can be struck you keep him. They don’t have a Plan B on the roster with Teddy retiring.
I remember a couple bad goff throws but he was fine overall.
