2023 NFL Regular Season
As a niners fan I have spent this entire offseason in a silent rage
The last 20 years of being a niners fan has been an agony unlike any any franchise has ever come across. You can sit there and bemoan being a browns fan or a lions fan or blah blah blah **** you. The reality is in this period of time has blueballed no fanbase more than us *******s.
I sat through Mike Nolan. I sat through Smith over Rodgers. I sat through Mike ****ing god damned cockbreath Singletary. And then…
2011: Kyle Williams single handedly loses the NFCCG by botching returns not once but ****ing twice against the shittiest super bowl champion history has ever seen
2012: Turtle****er has no concept for the play clock and somehow someway I have to sit there and watch Joe Flacco become a super bowl champion
2013: Richard Sherman goes full WWE promo because he tips away a potential game winner in the NFCCG
2014-2017: because of the shittiest GM who has ever breathed air (needle can attest), I end up with 3 years of watching Chip Kelly and something called a Jim Tomsula coach this team into nothingness
2018: thinking he is so ****ing smart that he can trade for someone and flip him later, Lynch trades a 2nd for Jimmy mother****ing Womp
2019: 10 point lead in the 4th quarter of the Super Bowl? Watch me work
2020: lol
2021: 10 point lead in the 4th quarter of the NFCCG? Watch me work
Which brings us to last year. Somehow, despite everything that happened for TWENTY ****ING YEARS this cut deepest. This wasn’t even fair. I thought I was done with Jimmy. I wasn’t. The guy we traded 3 1sts for went down for the year and we ended up with him long enough for him to be such a fiasco he lost to Denver by Orlovskying before going down for the year and letting the last pick of the draft be the qb
And the last pick of the draft went 10-0
And the last pick of the draft had a shot at taking the niners to the ****ing super bowl
And he broke his elbow
And by halftime the only other qb on the roster had a concussion
And in something unlike anything I have ever seen in my ENTIRE ****ING LIFE a conference title game was being played without a qb
After thinking about this for a few months preparing myself for this season I have decided one thing and one thing only: **** each and every last one of you
With that in mind, welcome to the 2023 NFL Season
Your contenders:
1. Kansas City Chiefs: +600
Get ****ed. **** your Kermit ass QB, **** your morbidly obese coach who can’t keep his own children alive, **** your Kermit ass QB’s brother who sounds like a sexual predator, **** your Kermit ass QB’s wife who sounds like she cucks Kermit on the regular while posting thirst traps for the gram
**** your fanbase. **** your chop that you still do in the year of our lord 2023 for reasons I will never understand. **** your city, **** your state(s). I don’t give a **** if you claim the Chiefs from Kansas or Missouri, you’re a sack of ****. I had to watch you win a super bowl because your woman beating speedster broke open on Richard Sherman who is a man I want to see choke on his own delusion until the final ounce of life leaves his body. I hate you. I will always hate you
2. Philadelphia Eagles: +800
Get your ****ing ass out of here. Josh Johnson was drawing live to beat you until he got a concussion. JOSH JOHNSON! That buffoon has played for 47 football teams in 4 years. Neat little story. **** you anyway. Always Sunny has no redeeming characters cuz everyone in Philly is a malcontent POS. You have a jail in your stadiums. Trea Turner needed to buy billboard advertising to beg you to stop sending his family death threats. The only solace I have in the 9ers losing the NFCCG is you didn’t win the Super Bowl
3. San Francisco 49ers: +1000
I ****ing hate 9er fans with a fire that burns from 20000 suns. Your average 9er fan? Calling into SPORTS TALK RADIO to say Lynch should be lynched and Kyle should be fired because blah blah blah 3 1st round picks for lance blah blah blah Jimmy was the guy who coulda won the super bowl blah blah blah. I’m stuck sitting here rooting for a team whose best player is a Proud Boy. Our QB is from Iowa by way of Arizona so I already know before he opens his mouth he’s right there with Bosa. I visited Levis last year to watch the Rams game and somehow ended up in some insane wind tunnel directly underneath the pathway for where planes land in San Jose international 5 miles away. I was also watching a game in the parking lot of an amusement park for $400/ticket + $60 for a beer and chicken tenders. **** my ****ing life
4. Cincinnati Bengals: +1100
You dipshits give Paul Brown your hard earned money of which you have none. ****ing simps. Skyline chili is the stupidest **** I have ever heard of. You fat ****s sit at the alter of Joe Burrow despite the fact that he’s basically Boomer Esiason with a cigar. Have fun with that. You’re about to make him the highest paid NFL player of all time and there’s a 50/50 chance he’ll have some sort of leg injury that knocks him out for the next 7 seasons.
Also I drafted Chase last year and he was ****. So **** him. **** you too
5. Dallas Cowboys: +1500
Give me a second here….
I hate every single human being associated with this franchise and nothing gets my cock harder than knowing they have spent the last 2 years watching this team lose to the 9ers in the playoffs in the stupidest way imaginable BOTH ****ING TIMES! I have no sympathy for you. I go to sleep every night hoping Jerry Jones dies and wake up every morning furious he hasn’t. You employ Mike McCarthy. You pay some “mental health day” snowflake named Dakota an ungodly sum of money to win never. Micah Parsons gives heavy Clayton Bigsby vibes only Micah knows he’s black.
And the fans of this franchise?
Holy **** you ****ing loser ass dipshits in your loser ass city and your bumass state. If there was a just and loving god Texas would be ethered from existence and we wouldn’t have to pretend you how bout dem cowboy hicks have anything to say that we need to listen to. I will take a personal day when Jimmy Johnson dies to spend it all masturbating
6-32. Who gives a living ****
**** the Jets. Congrats on landing the immunized one. Can’t wait til you turn on him
**** the Ravens. You paid Lamar. Enjoy watching him do nothing
**** the Dolphins. I’m not certain Tua isn’t braindead as of this post
**** all of you. Let us football
Maybe I’m misremembering it because I spent the entire first half enraged and depressed but I remember constantly thinking goff is doing literally nothing special, just a lot of underneath routes and some YAC and when they did try to go deep he was nowhere close to the target usually
Maybe I’m misremembering it because I spent the entire first half enraged and depressed but I remember constantly thinking goff is doing literally nothing special, just a lot of underneath routes and some YAC and when they did try to go deep he was nowhere close to the target usually
seems like a system quarterback to me. game manager. with elite coaching and tools around him.
Were we watching the same game? Yes, he short armed a throw where he was about to get lit up. He couldn’t make a pure arm strength throw on the run to save a 4th down. He threw away one or two balls safely when guys were not open. Everything else was on target. Goff was more than acceptable and given the general dearth of competent QBs having him around for a few more years is fine.
Brad Holmes is too smart to give him a franchise-crippl
Don’t forget about third round pick 26 year old second year QB Hendon Hooker!
SF -1
O/U - 47.5
Wouldn't surprise me if this ends up a PICKEM. Not very common for the SB.
I get why KC was an underdog at Buff and Balt. I do not get why they're an underdog to Brock Purdy on a neutral field. But I'll take it as it seems to bring out the best in our best players.
Mahomes has now gone the entire postseason w/o making a turnover-worthy play.
I get why KC was an underdog at Buff and Balt. I do not get why they're an underdog to Brock Purdy on a neutral field. But I'll take it as it seems to bring out the best in our best players.
Mahomes has now gone the entire postseason w/o making a turnover-worthy play.
This is the first SB where Mahomes has had even close to as good a defense as his opponent, you could even argue the chiefs defense is better than the 49ers defense who were a few drops away from giving up 40 to Detroit and got gashed by the same ravens team who the chiefs held to 10 points, and then on the other side of the ball you have a top 2 qb OAT vs Purdy who played very good yesterday but still had one int and another int that got dropped, the line makes no sense to me either. Obviously SF is more than capable of winning with the talent they have but more than 50% of the time?
I get why KC was an underdog at Buff and Balt. I do not get why they're an underdog to Brock Purdy on a neutral field. But I'll take it as it seems to bring out the best in our best players.
Mahomes has now gone the entire postseason w/o making a turnover-worthy play.
Deep down I knew if we turned the ball over more than KC it was going to take a lot to win. 3-0 in hindsight would be very little chance. But never did it feel like Mahomes didn't have control or was close to a big mistake.
Don't turn the ball over is a pretty simple recipe to win a lot of games.
If Hooker had any game experience, sure. But since he sat the whole year coming back from his ACL, he’s nothing but 3rd string for another year.
Haha, I know. I was just being a smart ass.
I don't think Detroit has any other option but to extend Goff with their current window. Hopefully he's willing to take a somewhat team friendly deal. I'm guessing they'll actually front load Goff's extension due to guys like ARSB, Hutch, LaPorta, Gibbs, etc., all still being on rookie deals.
Although, I'm guessing ARSB will be expecting an extension this offseason, even if it won't kick in until 2025.
I get why KC was an underdog at Buff and Balt. I do not get why they're an underdog to Brock Purdy on a neutral field. But I'll take it as it seems to bring out the best in our best players.
It seems the books don't want the action from SRM mortgaging his house 100% on 9ers +1. (or wtv on ML)
All kidding aside, I expect the late money will be on KC like last year. where PHI was -1.5/2 most of the week until game time, when KC was just slightly worse than pk.
i've never understood the "he's not the best qb in the league you can't extend him" arguments
Haha, I know. I was just being a smart ass.
I don't think Detroit has any other option but to extend Goff with their current window. Hopefully he's willing to take a somewhat team friendly deal. I'm guessing they'll actually front load Goff's extension due to guys like ARSB, Hutch, LaPorta, Gibbs, etc., all still being on rookie deals.
Although, I'm guessing ARSB will be expecting an extension this offseason, even if it won't kick in unt
St Brown is incredible and deserves a deal. And he only has 1 yr left so it’s a must for them.
Given their cap space I would think Sewell will get a long term deal this offseason as well as Goff. But idk given his 5YO maybe it’s smarter to push Sewell down the line another year
I get why KC was an underdog at Buff and Balt. I do not get why they're an underdog to Brock Purdy on a neutral field.
Because people who set odds don't get caught up in the moment and make their decisions based on emotion. For example: they, unlike a lot of fans, will remember how a few weeks ago the Chiefs were seen as not very good and were a longshot to make the super bowl. So they'll be able to connect the dots there and realize the Chiefs are running really good right now and the universe hasn't fundamentally changed.
the universe is fundamentally changing every nanosecond
just saying
Because people who set odds don't get caught up in the moment and make their decisions based on emotion. For example: they, unlike a lot of fans, will remember how a few weeks ago the Chiefs were seen as not very good and were a longshot to make the super bowl. So they'll be able to connect the dots there and realize the Chiefs are running really good right now and the universe hasn't fundamentally changed.
strange how teams like the cowboys always "run bad" in the playoffs and GOATed QBs like Mahomes always "run good" when the games start to matter.
strange how teams like the cowboys always "run bad" in the playoffs and GOATed QBs like Mahomes always "run good" when the games start to matter.
Are you saying the oddsmakers had it wrong?
How much money did you bet on the Chiefs to win the Super Bowl getting +2000 a few weeks ago? If were able to reverse time and run it again - how much would you bet on the next simulation?
They got lucky. Period. This is exactly what oddsmakers get and fans don't. Fans think it's all about who is the best player/team.
you fool! patrick mahomes isn't actually good at football, he's just really, really, really, really, really lucky
I mean the QBs in the Super Bowl are the best to ever do it and a guy making a couple hundred thousand
yeah so i think the argument should be "don't pay goff like he's pat mahomes" not "don't resign goff"
that i'm 100% onboard with (and yes I get that it likely means losing him in free agency
but a reasonably paid Goff on the Lions next year will certainly work out better than whichever scraps they pick up for a tiny contract or end up drafting
There are obvious arguments for the 49ers being slightly favored.
But being the "luckier" team to make it to the SB certainly isn't one of them.
yeah so i think the argument should be "don't pay goff like he's pat mahomes" not "don't resign goff"
that i'm 100% onboard with (and yes I get that it likely means losing him in free agency
but a reasonably paid Goff on the Lions next year will certainly work out better than whichever scraps they pick up for a tiny contract or end up drafting
To be clear, my premise is based on the fact that the qb market is absolutely out of control. Cousins apparently is talking 90/2
If you can retain goff for 30 mil or less per sure go for it, you almost made the Super Bowl with him already. But if you’re going 40+ as I assume the market will command, even with a heavily frontloaded contract, I just don’t get why you make that investment and middle your team especially with Johnson leaving and weather god due for an extension
Goff deserves all that money, he played really good yesterday. He was the better qb in the game by far. His receviers screwed him plenty. "System qb" or "have no choice but to extend" is way off the mark. He was slingin it. Pay him his money or be cursed.
15 year, never ending qb draft busts, and an itchy butt while trying to sleep.
i probably missed it, but anyone know how much the cap is projected to go up next season?
