2023 NFL Regular Season
As a niners fan I have spent this entire offseason in a silent rage
The last 20 years of being a niners fan has been an agony unlike any any franchise has ever come across. You can sit there and bemoan being a browns fan or a lions fan or blah blah blah **** you. The reality is in this period of time has blueballed no fanbase more than us *******s.
I sat through Mike Nolan. I sat through Smith over Rodgers. I sat through Mike ****ing god damned cockbreath Singletary. And then…
2011: Kyle Williams single handedly loses the NFCCG by botching returns not once but ****ing twice against the shittiest super bowl champion history has ever seen
2012: Turtle****er has no concept for the play clock and somehow someway I have to sit there and watch Joe Flacco become a super bowl champion
2013: Richard Sherman goes full WWE promo because he tips away a potential game winner in the NFCCG
2014-2017: because of the shittiest GM who has ever breathed air (needle can attest), I end up with 3 years of watching Chip Kelly and something called a Jim Tomsula coach this team into nothingness
2018: thinking he is so ****ing smart that he can trade for someone and flip him later, Lynch trades a 2nd for Jimmy mother****ing Womp
2019: 10 point lead in the 4th quarter of the Super Bowl? Watch me work
2020: lol
2021: 10 point lead in the 4th quarter of the NFCCG? Watch me work
Which brings us to last year. Somehow, despite everything that happened for TWENTY ****ING YEARS this cut deepest. This wasn’t even fair. I thought I was done with Jimmy. I wasn’t. The guy we traded 3 1sts for went down for the year and we ended up with him long enough for him to be such a fiasco he lost to Denver by Orlovskying before going down for the year and letting the last pick of the draft be the qb
And the last pick of the draft went 10-0
And the last pick of the draft had a shot at taking the niners to the ****ing super bowl
And he broke his elbow
And by halftime the only other qb on the roster had a concussion
And in something unlike anything I have ever seen in my ENTIRE ****ING LIFE a conference title game was being played without a qb
After thinking about this for a few months preparing myself for this season I have decided one thing and one thing only: **** each and every last one of you
With that in mind, welcome to the 2023 NFL Season
Your contenders:
1. Kansas City Chiefs: +600
Get ****ed. **** your Kermit ass QB, **** your morbidly obese coach who can’t keep his own children alive, **** your Kermit ass QB’s brother who sounds like a sexual predator, **** your Kermit ass QB’s wife who sounds like she cucks Kermit on the regular while posting thirst traps for the gram
**** your fanbase. **** your chop that you still do in the year of our lord 2023 for reasons I will never understand. **** your city, **** your state(s). I don’t give a **** if you claim the Chiefs from Kansas or Missouri, you’re a sack of ****. I had to watch you win a super bowl because your woman beating speedster broke open on Richard Sherman who is a man I want to see choke on his own delusion until the final ounce of life leaves his body. I hate you. I will always hate you
2. Philadelphia Eagles: +800
Get your ****ing ass out of here. Josh Johnson was drawing live to beat you until he got a concussion. JOSH JOHNSON! That buffoon has played for 47 football teams in 4 years. Neat little story. **** you anyway. Always Sunny has no redeeming characters cuz everyone in Philly is a malcontent POS. You have a jail in your stadiums. Trea Turner needed to buy billboard advertising to beg you to stop sending his family death threats. The only solace I have in the 9ers losing the NFCCG is you didn’t win the Super Bowl
3. San Francisco 49ers: +1000
I ****ing hate 9er fans with a fire that burns from 20000 suns. Your average 9er fan? Calling into SPORTS TALK RADIO to say Lynch should be lynched and Kyle should be fired because blah blah blah 3 1st round picks for lance blah blah blah Jimmy was the guy who coulda won the super bowl blah blah blah. I’m stuck sitting here rooting for a team whose best player is a Proud Boy. Our QB is from Iowa by way of Arizona so I already know before he opens his mouth he’s right there with Bosa. I visited Levis last year to watch the Rams game and somehow ended up in some insane wind tunnel directly underneath the pathway for where planes land in San Jose international 5 miles away. I was also watching a game in the parking lot of an amusement park for $400/ticket + $60 for a beer and chicken tenders. **** my ****ing life
4. Cincinnati Bengals: +1100
You dipshits give Paul Brown your hard earned money of which you have none. ****ing simps. Skyline chili is the stupidest **** I have ever heard of. You fat ****s sit at the alter of Joe Burrow despite the fact that he’s basically Boomer Esiason with a cigar. Have fun with that. You’re about to make him the highest paid NFL player of all time and there’s a 50/50 chance he’ll have some sort of leg injury that knocks him out for the next 7 seasons.
Also I drafted Chase last year and he was ****. So **** him. **** you too
5. Dallas Cowboys: +1500
Give me a second here….
I hate every single human being associated with this franchise and nothing gets my cock harder than knowing they have spent the last 2 years watching this team lose to the 9ers in the playoffs in the stupidest way imaginable BOTH ****ING TIMES! I have no sympathy for you. I go to sleep every night hoping Jerry Jones dies and wake up every morning furious he hasn’t. You employ Mike McCarthy. You pay some “mental health day” snowflake named Dakota an ungodly sum of money to win never. Micah Parsons gives heavy Clayton Bigsby vibes only Micah knows he’s black.
And the fans of this franchise?
Holy **** you ****ing loser ass dipshits in your loser ass city and your bumass state. If there was a just and loving god Texas would be ethered from existence and we wouldn’t have to pretend you how bout dem cowboy hicks have anything to say that we need to listen to. I will take a personal day when Jimmy Johnson dies to spend it all masturbating
6-32. Who gives a living ****
**** the Jets. Congrats on landing the immunized one. Can’t wait til you turn on him
**** the Ravens. You paid Lamar. Enjoy watching him do nothing
**** the Dolphins. I’m not certain Tua isn’t braindead as of this post
**** all of you. Let us football
To be clear, my premise is based on the fact that the qb market is absolutely out of control. Cousins apparently is talking 90/2
If you can retain goff for 30 mil or less per sure go for it, you almost made the Super Bowl with him already. But if you’re going 40+ as I assume the market will command, even with a heavily frontloaded contract, I just don’t get why you make that investment and middle your team especially with Johnson leaving and
But it's easy to say don't extend when you haven't provided an alternative plan
Maybe I’m misremembering it because I spent the entire first half enraged and depressed but I remember constantly thinking goff is doing literally nothing special, just a lot of underneath routes and some YAC and when they did try to go deep he was nowhere close to the target usually
His best ball might’ve been the 4th and goal with a minute left.
Franchise him or give him a 2 year deal while you keep drafting qbs til you find a suitable replacement?
Seems like the move in perpetuity is you should be drafting a qb every year unless you found the IT guy and maybe even then
have you ever witnessed the likes of a vince ferragamo?
Spoiler
There are obvious arguments for the 49ers being slightly favored.
But being the "luckier" team to make it to the SB certainly isn't one of them.
Nobody made that argument. 49ers belong here. They are 1-seed and have been the favorites to win the Super Bowl for a long time.
The Chiefs ran hot at the right time and are lucky to be here.
That's why the 49ers should be favored.
The 49ers are a much better team than the Chiefs - is another way to say that.
And that's why they should be favored.
Franchise him or give him a 2 year deal while you keep drafting qbs til you find a suitable replacement?
Seems like the move in perpetuity is you should be drafting a qb every year unless you found the IT guy and maybe even then
Why would Goff take a two year <$40m/yr deal? The last time a QB of his calibre was on the market Kirk signed a fully guaranteed, highest average $ per year deal. Franchise seems fine but maybe kicking the can down the road, but I guess you can see how he looks without Johnson.
Agreed on continually drafting QBs, but you won't be drafting too high. So you'll be either drafting QBs late or giving up a lot of picks when your window is now
Goff has one more year left so letting him play that out and then franchising him is an option but I just don’t see it.
He’s played well enough to get a new deal, they have the cap space and they won’t want to stall their momentum.
The Daniel Jones deal has really screwed things up for a lot of the franchises with good to very good but not great QBs because it provides a starting point for agents whose QBs are clearly better than him - eg Goff, Cousins. And even Mayfield. Not that they necessarily have to exceed it (although I think Goff and Cousins will) but because it takes out all the middle ground
But really...when you have Jones 4-160/92, Derek Carr 4-150/100, it's really difficult for Goff and Cousins who have both achieved far more and played far better, to sign for less than that
Once Goff and Cousins sign, (along with Dak who is gonna break the bank), there will be no contracts between Geno and Garropolo at 25 and 23 and Jones & Stafford at 40 per
Chiefs beat the 1 seed by 7 points, in a game which their opponent fumbled in the endzone. And the narrative is this is because the Chiefs are just that good. No luck involved in that one.
every team that made it to Super Bowl got lucky, pretty sure we never had -300 Super Bowl favorites before the playoffs started
there really is no need to give that guy oxygen.
i have absolutely no idea who you are but i wanted to say thanks for being a fan. this is probably the 7th time you've personally attacked me unprovoked and without me saying anything to you. i will be sad when the playoffs end and you disappear just as quickly as you appeared a few weeks ago. though i'm sure we'll see you again next year.
Should I hedge out of 49ers preseason futures with Chiefs ML?
fwiw, I like the 49ers side.
Thanks I'll hang up and listen now.
ethbtc88 taking jabs at SE OG feel wrath is ... something
Should I hedge out of 49ers preseason futures with Chiefs ML?
fwiw, I like the 49ers side.
Thanks I'll hang up and listen now.
If I had what I strongly believed to be a +ev bet, I would not add a -ev bet opposing it unless it was for a sum I absolutely could not stomach losing.
Disclaimer: If it isn't obvious, I loathe hedging.
Disclaimer #2: My sports betting expertise is nil.
Further evidence of fans being results oriented monkeys who don't understand variance:
Up until the 4th quarter of the NFC Championship Game, Dan Campbell was praised for his aggressive innovative coaching style. He's changing the game. Amazing coach. Everybody bow at the feet of the great genius Dan Campbell.
And now? The narrative is whether he should have gone for it on a couple of fourth downs. Maybe he cost the Lions their season.
Pick one. Either he doesn't coach that way and they aren't in the NFCCG to begin with or you live with the outcome if he loses a couple flips in big moments.
