2023 NFL Regular Season
As a niners fan I have spent this entire offseason in a silent rage
The last 20 years of being a niners fan has been an agony unlike any any franchise has ever come across. You can sit there and bemoan being a browns fan or a lions fan or blah blah blah **** you. The reality is in this period of time has blueballed no fanbase more than us *******s.
I sat through Mike Nolan. I sat through Smith over Rodgers. I sat through Mike ****ing god damned cockbreath Singletary. And then…
2011: Kyle Williams single handedly loses the NFCCG by botching returns not once but ****ing twice against the shittiest super bowl champion history has ever seen
2012: Turtle****er has no concept for the play clock and somehow someway I have to sit there and watch Joe Flacco become a super bowl champion
2013: Richard Sherman goes full WWE promo because he tips away a potential game winner in the NFCCG
2014-2017: because of the shittiest GM who has ever breathed air (needle can attest), I end up with 3 years of watching Chip Kelly and something called a Jim Tomsula coach this team into nothingness
2018: thinking he is so ****ing smart that he can trade for someone and flip him later, Lynch trades a 2nd for Jimmy mother****ing Womp
2019: 10 point lead in the 4th quarter of the Super Bowl? Watch me work
2020: lol
2021: 10 point lead in the 4th quarter of the NFCCG? Watch me work
Which brings us to last year. Somehow, despite everything that happened for TWENTY ****ING YEARS this cut deepest. This wasn’t even fair. I thought I was done with Jimmy. I wasn’t. The guy we traded 3 1sts for went down for the year and we ended up with him long enough for him to be such a fiasco he lost to Denver by Orlovskying before going down for the year and letting the last pick of the draft be the qb
And the last pick of the draft went 10-0
And the last pick of the draft had a shot at taking the niners to the ****ing super bowl
And he broke his elbow
And by halftime the only other qb on the roster had a concussion
And in something unlike anything I have ever seen in my ENTIRE ****ING LIFE a conference title game was being played without a qb
After thinking about this for a few months preparing myself for this season I have decided one thing and one thing only: **** each and every last one of you
With that in mind, welcome to the 2023 NFL Season
Your contenders:
1. Kansas City Chiefs: +600
Get ****ed. **** your Kermit ass QB, **** your morbidly obese coach who can’t keep his own children alive, **** your Kermit ass QB’s brother who sounds like a sexual predator, **** your Kermit ass QB’s wife who sounds like she cucks Kermit on the regular while posting thirst traps for the gram
**** your fanbase. **** your chop that you still do in the year of our lord 2023 for reasons I will never understand. **** your city, **** your state(s). I don’t give a **** if you claim the Chiefs from Kansas or Missouri, you’re a sack of ****. I had to watch you win a super bowl because your woman beating speedster broke open on Richard Sherman who is a man I want to see choke on his own delusion until the final ounce of life leaves his body. I hate you. I will always hate you
2. Philadelphia Eagles: +800
Get your ****ing ass out of here. Josh Johnson was drawing live to beat you until he got a concussion. JOSH JOHNSON! That buffoon has played for 47 football teams in 4 years. Neat little story. **** you anyway. Always Sunny has no redeeming characters cuz everyone in Philly is a malcontent POS. You have a jail in your stadiums. Trea Turner needed to buy billboard advertising to beg you to stop sending his family death threats. The only solace I have in the 9ers losing the NFCCG is you didn’t win the Super Bowl
3. San Francisco 49ers: +1000
I ****ing hate 9er fans with a fire that burns from 20000 suns. Your average 9er fan? Calling into SPORTS TALK RADIO to say Lynch should be lynched and Kyle should be fired because blah blah blah 3 1st round picks for lance blah blah blah Jimmy was the guy who coulda won the super bowl blah blah blah. I’m stuck sitting here rooting for a team whose best player is a Proud Boy. Our QB is from Iowa by way of Arizona so I already know before he opens his mouth he’s right there with Bosa. I visited Levis last year to watch the Rams game and somehow ended up in some insane wind tunnel directly underneath the pathway for where planes land in San Jose international 5 miles away. I was also watching a game in the parking lot of an amusement park for $400/ticket + $60 for a beer and chicken tenders. **** my ****ing life
4. Cincinnati Bengals: +1100
You dipshits give Paul Brown your hard earned money of which you have none. ****ing simps. Skyline chili is the stupidest **** I have ever heard of. You fat ****s sit at the alter of Joe Burrow despite the fact that he’s basically Boomer Esiason with a cigar. Have fun with that. You’re about to make him the highest paid NFL player of all time and there’s a 50/50 chance he’ll have some sort of leg injury that knocks him out for the next 7 seasons.
Also I drafted Chase last year and he was ****. So **** him. **** you too
5. Dallas Cowboys: +1500
Give me a second here….
I hate every single human being associated with this franchise and nothing gets my cock harder than knowing they have spent the last 2 years watching this team lose to the 9ers in the playoffs in the stupidest way imaginable BOTH ****ING TIMES! I have no sympathy for you. I go to sleep every night hoping Jerry Jones dies and wake up every morning furious he hasn’t. You employ Mike McCarthy. You pay some “mental health day” snowflake named Dakota an ungodly sum of money to win never. Micah Parsons gives heavy Clayton Bigsby vibes only Micah knows he’s black.
And the fans of this franchise?
Holy **** you ****ing loser ass dipshits in your loser ass city and your bumass state. If there was a just and loving god Texas would be ethered from existence and we wouldn’t have to pretend you how bout dem cowboy hicks have anything to say that we need to listen to. I will take a personal day when Jimmy Johnson dies to spend it all masturbating
6-32. Who gives a living ****
**** the Jets. Congrats on landing the immunized one. Can’t wait til you turn on him
**** the Ravens. You paid Lamar. Enjoy watching him do nothing
**** the Dolphins. I’m not certain Tua isn’t braindead as of this post
**** all of you. Let us football
Among the 14 starting QBs for playoff teams this season only one has more than 4 playoff losses: Joe Flacco who has a 10-5 playoff record.
Aaron Rodgers, one of the most famous playoff losers in NFL history, didn't lose his 4th playoff game until his 9th season in the league.
This is fun.
That’d be pretty funny if you replaced the most notorious professional sign stealer with the college version
legit LOL
Not sure there’s any scenario short of literal crimes that could make me hate Ruxin
That man is my everything
Mike McDaniel strutting around with his pants rolled up wearing a “i wish it were colder” t-shirt
I wanna go on a Vegas trip with SRM and Ruxin. We'd be the 3 best friends anyone's ever had.
Among the 14 starting QBs for playoff teams this season only one has more than 4 playoff losses: Joe Flacco who has a 10-5 playoff record.
Aaron Rodgers, one of the most famous playoff losers in NFL history, didn't lose his 4th playoff game until his 9th season in the league.
This is fun.
I'm not sure if you're being serious or not, but every quarterback is going to have exactly one loss or exactly no losses every post season they play in. It took Aaron rodgers so many years to reach 4 losses because he was sitting on the bench early in his career.
Post season records
Allen - 4-4
Lamar - 1-4
Burrow - 5-2
Dak - 2-4
Stafford - 4-3
Russ - 9-7
Josh Allen in 2023:
Total TDs: 44 (1st)
Pass TDs: 29 (5th)
Rush TDs: 15 (1st, NFL Record)
Total YDs: 4,830 (1st)
Pass YDs: 4,306 (4th)
Rush YDs: 524 (4th)
Success Rate: 51.4 (2nd)
EPA/Play: 0.23 (2nd)
Total EPA: 136.1 (2nd)
Pass EPA: 86.6 (4th)
Rush EPA: 49.5 (1st)
I'm not sure if you're being serious or not, but every quarterback is going to have exactly one loss or exactly no losses every post season they play in. It took Aaron rodgers so many years to reach 4 losses because he was sitting on the bench early in his career.
Yes, but we're playing a game of cherry picked stats and one of them is the one I posted.
FWIW, Lamar Jackson's playoff record is 1-3. He didn't play in the WC loss to the Bengals last year. Except for Flacco no starting QB in this year's playoffs has more experience with losing playoff games than Josh Allen.
Tua is undefeated in the playoffs.
Just saw that Andy Reid's next playoff loss is going to tie him with Don Shula for the most all-time. He also has twice as many playoff wins as any other active head coach not named Belichick.
Belichick and Reid have a combined 53 playoff wins. All other active head coaches have 76 playoff wins combined.
Just saw that Andy Reid's next playoff loss is going to tie him with Don Shula for the most all-time. He also has twice as many playoff wins as any other active head coach not named Belichick.
Belichick and Reid have a combined 53 playoff wins. All other active head coaches have 76 playoff wins combined.
Sounds like parity.
Just saw that Andy Reid's next playoff loss is going to tie him with Don Shula for the most all-time.
Probably pretty impressive that Shula collected that many losses, just because a huge chunk of his career was in the 1- and 2-wildcard era where it's that much harder to make the playoffs to begin with.
Wasn’t expecting vrabel to get got
Probably pretty impressive that Shula collected that many losses, just because a huge chunk of his career was in the 1- and 2-wildcard era where it's that much harder to make the playoffs to begin with.
Shula still has the most playoff seasons of anyone, tied with Belichick and come Saturday also with Andy Reid.
Is he the frontrunner for the Patriots job now?
Didn't Landry have like 20 straight playoff seasons, or something?
I always thought Vrabel was slightly overrated. He's like the Tua of head coaches.
I’d be happy to take Vrabel in Atlanta.
Considering we hired his OC (Arthur Smith) and that didn’t work out too well, we probably won’t go back to that well.
We cant really evaluate the decision to fire Vrabel without the details. Some reports are that he wanted a super gm to oversee both him and Ran Carthon. Other reports is that he stopped a full rebuild from happening this season which cost the franchise future draft capital to end up being dead last in the division anyway.
I think Vrabel is above average but he has some flaws. He sticks too long with bad coordinators (Downing and Auckerman come to mind) and he mishandled two very important offensive drives in the 4th quarter in the last two playoff games the Titans lost.
So IF (a big if) an above average is meddling too much in the front office issues then I think letting him go is correct. If you are just letting him go from what was produced on the field then its a wrong decision.
