2023 NFL Regular Season
As a niners fan I have spent this entire offseason in a silent rage
The last 20 years of being a niners fan has been an agony unlike any any franchise has ever come across. You can sit there and bemoan being a browns fan or a lions fan or blah blah blah **** you. The reality is in this period of time has blueballed no fanbase more than us *******s.
I sat through Mike Nolan. I sat through Smith over Rodgers. I sat through Mike ****ing god damned cockbreath Singletary. And then…
2011: Kyle Williams single handedly loses the NFCCG by botching returns not once but ****ing twice against the shittiest super bowl champion history has ever seen
2012: Turtle****er has no concept for the play clock and somehow someway I have to sit there and watch Joe Flacco become a super bowl champion
2013: Richard Sherman goes full WWE promo because he tips away a potential game winner in the NFCCG
2014-2017: because of the shittiest GM who has ever breathed air (needle can attest), I end up with 3 years of watching Chip Kelly and something called a Jim Tomsula coach this team into nothingness
2018: thinking he is so ****ing smart that he can trade for someone and flip him later, Lynch trades a 2nd for Jimmy mother****ing Womp
2019: 10 point lead in the 4th quarter of the Super Bowl? Watch me work
2020: lol
2021: 10 point lead in the 4th quarter of the NFCCG? Watch me work
Which brings us to last year. Somehow, despite everything that happened for TWENTY ****ING YEARS this cut deepest. This wasn’t even fair. I thought I was done with Jimmy. I wasn’t. The guy we traded 3 1sts for went down for the year and we ended up with him long enough for him to be such a fiasco he lost to Denver by Orlovskying before going down for the year and letting the last pick of the draft be the qb
And the last pick of the draft went 10-0
And the last pick of the draft had a shot at taking the niners to the ****ing super bowl
And he broke his elbow
And by halftime the only other qb on the roster had a concussion
And in something unlike anything I have ever seen in my ENTIRE ****ING LIFE a conference title game was being played without a qb
After thinking about this for a few months preparing myself for this season I have decided one thing and one thing only: **** each and every last one of you
With that in mind, welcome to the 2023 NFL Season
Your contenders:
1. Kansas City Chiefs: +600
Get ****ed. **** your Kermit ass QB, **** your morbidly obese coach who can’t keep his own children alive, **** your Kermit ass QB’s brother who sounds like a sexual predator, **** your Kermit ass QB’s wife who sounds like she cucks Kermit on the regular while posting thirst traps for the gram
**** your fanbase. **** your chop that you still do in the year of our lord 2023 for reasons I will never understand. **** your city, **** your state(s). I don’t give a **** if you claim the Chiefs from Kansas or Missouri, you’re a sack of ****. I had to watch you win a super bowl because your woman beating speedster broke open on Richard Sherman who is a man I want to see choke on his own delusion until the final ounce of life leaves his body. I hate you. I will always hate you
2. Philadelphia Eagles: +800
Get your ****ing ass out of here. Josh Johnson was drawing live to beat you until he got a concussion. JOSH JOHNSON! That buffoon has played for 47 football teams in 4 years. Neat little story. **** you anyway. Always Sunny has no redeeming characters cuz everyone in Philly is a malcontent POS. You have a jail in your stadiums. Trea Turner needed to buy billboard advertising to beg you to stop sending his family death threats. The only solace I have in the 9ers losing the NFCCG is you didn’t win the Super Bowl
3. San Francisco 49ers: +1000
I ****ing hate 9er fans with a fire that burns from 20000 suns. Your average 9er fan? Calling into SPORTS TALK RADIO to say Lynch should be lynched and Kyle should be fired because blah blah blah 3 1st round picks for lance blah blah blah Jimmy was the guy who coulda won the super bowl blah blah blah. I’m stuck sitting here rooting for a team whose best player is a Proud Boy. Our QB is from Iowa by way of Arizona so I already know before he opens his mouth he’s right there with Bosa. I visited Levis last year to watch the Rams game and somehow ended up in some insane wind tunnel directly underneath the pathway for where planes land in San Jose international 5 miles away. I was also watching a game in the parking lot of an amusement park for $400/ticket + $60 for a beer and chicken tenders. **** my ****ing life
4. Cincinnati Bengals: +1100
You dipshits give Paul Brown your hard earned money of which you have none. ****ing simps. Skyline chili is the stupidest **** I have ever heard of. You fat ****s sit at the alter of Joe Burrow despite the fact that he’s basically Boomer Esiason with a cigar. Have fun with that. You’re about to make him the highest paid NFL player of all time and there’s a 50/50 chance he’ll have some sort of leg injury that knocks him out for the next 7 seasons.
Also I drafted Chase last year and he was ****. So **** him. **** you too
5. Dallas Cowboys: +1500
Give me a second here….
I hate every single human being associated with this franchise and nothing gets my cock harder than knowing they have spent the last 2 years watching this team lose to the 9ers in the playoffs in the stupidest way imaginable BOTH ****ING TIMES! I have no sympathy for you. I go to sleep every night hoping Jerry Jones dies and wake up every morning furious he hasn’t. You employ Mike McCarthy. You pay some “mental health day” snowflake named Dakota an ungodly sum of money to win never. Micah Parsons gives heavy Clayton Bigsby vibes only Micah knows he’s black.
And the fans of this franchise?
Holy **** you ****ing loser ass dipshits in your loser ass city and your bumass state. If there was a just and loving god Texas would be ethered from existence and we wouldn’t have to pretend you how bout dem cowboy hicks have anything to say that we need to listen to. I will take a personal day when Jimmy Johnson dies to spend it all masturbating
6-32. Who gives a living ****
**** the Jets. Congrats on landing the immunized one. Can’t wait til you turn on him
**** the Ravens. You paid Lamar. Enjoy watching him do nothing
**** the Dolphins. I’m not certain Tua isn’t braindead as of this post
**** all of you. Let us football
Unfortunately I won't get that win/win effect with another team if they happen to roll all the way into and through the Superb Owl.
Edit: You meant after the division round, of course. Pretty sure we can handle the Pack at home.
Unfortunately I won't get that win/win effect with another team if they happen to roll all the way into and through the Superb Owl.
Edit: You meant after the division round, of course. Pretty sure we can handle the Pack at home.
I assume we'll be on for something if GB manages not to get deleted by the Bears this weekend.
Jets waiving Cook. No surprise there.
Unfortunately I won't get that win/win effect with another team if they happen to roll all the way into and through the Superb Owl.
Edit: You meant after the division round, of course. Pretty sure we can handle the Pack at home.
Yes, I’ve been drunk all week and had missed that the combination of Iggles shitting the bed and you guys bribing the refs meant you have a home playoff game now
The Athletic Power Rankings:
1. ravens
2. niners
3. browns
4. lions
5. cowboys
6. dolphins
7. bills
8. chiefs
9. rams
10. texans
11. eagles (still too high imo)
12. colts
13. packers
14. steelers
15. bucs
16. seahawks
17. jags
18. broncos
19. bears
20. bengals
30. patriots
David Tepper fined 300k for throwing drink at Jags fans.
https://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/3923...
From that article:
"Tepper is the second-richest owner in the league with a net worth of $20.6 billion. The fine represents less than 1% of his wealth"
I wonder if the author used a calculator to come up with that..
David Tepper fined 300k for throwing drink at Jags fans.
https://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/3923...
From that article:
"Tepper is the second-richest owner in the league with a net worth of $20.6 billion. The fine represents less than 1% of his wealth"
I wonder if the author used a calculator to come up with that..
Zeroes to the left of the decimal, zeroes to the right of the decimal, conversion to percentages, daylight savings time! It's all so confusing.
The Bryce young trade might go down as the modern day Herschel Walker deal
Bears can’t keep 1. Doesn’t mean they shouldn’t take a qb but if you can get more for Caleb than you got for Bryce and then still potentially draft daniels I mean, best trade ever?
Sorry, heels
David Tepper fined 300k for throwing drink at Jags fans.
https://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/3923...
From that article:
"Tepper is the second-richest owner in the league with a net worth of $20.6 billion. The fine represents less than 1% of his wealth"
I wonder if the author used a calculator to come up with that..
He's not wrong. $300k is less than 1% of $20.6 billion.
The Bryce young trade might go down as the modern day Herschel Walker deal
Bears can’t keep 1. Doesn’t mean they shouldn’t take a qb but if you can get more for Caleb than you got for Bryce and then still potentially draft daniels I mean, best trade ever?
Sorry, heels
I would be keeping 1 and trading Fields. I know all the narrative about his improvement etc but 1. It’s the end of yr 3 and I’m still not sure he’s a good enough passer and 2. It’s the end of yr 3 so he needs paying very soon
I’m guessing they can get a high 2 at least for him now and maybe a 1.
I’d rather draft Williams and pay him $10m per for 4 years and then get another high quality player with the extra 1 and have a ton of money for free agents.
Otherwise you get 3 1s which is great but you’re down at least $30m per for Fields and probably more.
David Tepper fined 300k for throwing drink at Jags fans.
https://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/3923...
From that article:
"Tepper is the second-richest owner in the league with a net worth of $20.6 billion. The fine represents less than 1% of his wealth"
I wonder if the author used a calculator to come up with that..
The actual quote from the article: “Tepper is the second-richest owner in the league with a net worth of $20.6 billion. The fine represents less than 1% of 1% of his wealth.”
1% of 1%… who has a calculator?
But seriously 300k for throwing a drink on someone is insane.
The actual quote from the article: “Tepper is the second-richest owner in the league with a net worth of $20.6 billion. The fine represents less than 1% of 1% of his wealth.”
That's what the article says now after being edited, probably because I wasn't the only one mocking them for it. The author's tweet is still up. In the replies someone helped him with the actual numbers.
David Newton isn’t the sharpest.
Tepper is a petulant child.
Even in his statement, he was still basically like, “well yeah, the guy was being a dick. And I was told by old Rog that next time, I should make sure not to look like a jackass and ask security to do it instead. Even though I was completely fine in the safety of my fancy box.
Anyways, here’s $300k for charity. Can everyone stop talking about it now?”
I was so excited when he bought the team, mainly due to his wealth and supposed background with the Steelers. I know he was a minority owner with the Steelers, but he still owned a significant 5%. However, it’s clear he wasn’t in the same universe as being clued into how that organization had been run.
But hey! At least he’s deeply passionate. Just like he was holding himself very accountable and being reflective less than 2 weeks ago.
I’m down bad. At least the season ends on Sunday.
How much could one beer cost Michael, 300,000 dollars?
I would be keeping 1 and trading Fields. I know all the narrative about his improvement etc but 1. It’s the end of yr 3 and I’m still not sure he’s a good enough passer and 2. It’s the end of yr 3 so he needs paying very soon
I’m guessing they can get a high 2 at least for him now and maybe a 1. .
I’m not saying you are wrong, but I am having a hard time identifying team(s) that I think would be likely to give up at least a high 2 for Fields. Particularly since they would also have to pay him.
I’m not saying you are wrong, but I am having a hard time identifying team(s) that I think would be likely to give up at least a high 2 for Fields. Particularly since they would also have to pay him.
I understand but there aren’t nearly enough QBs to go around. And if people are seriously talking about the Bears ignoring one or a few very highly graded QB prospects because of the potential he still possesses then that must mean that there are several other NFL people see a lot of value in him too
First thing to do is look for half decent teams without long term QB plans where the coach/GM might have a job in danger
Falcons
Vikings
Giants
Raiders
Bucs
Patriots
Broncos
(Dolphins)
Instead of giving the $300k to the NFL, Tepper could have given $1000 to every one of the 300 million American citizens
Let me think...NO.
I assume we'll be on for something if GB manages not to get deleted by the Bears this weekend.
Sure, I'm game.
Yes, I’ve been drunk all week and had missed that the combination of Iggles shitting the bed and you guys bribing the refs meant you have a home playoff game now
Yes! Maybe 2, assuming, of course, they can handle their business in DC, lol. Nothing's a given this year though. The Commies might Rise Up this week.
Josh Rosen somehow fetched a 2nd round pick after his rookie season and anyone with a working pair of eyes knew he'd never be good.
If Rosen is the comp then the Bears should get 10 first round draft picks in a Fields trade.
I would be keeping 1 and trading Fields. I know all the narrative about his improvement etc but 1. It’s the end of yr 3 and I’m still not sure he’s a good enough passer and 2. It’s the end of yr 3 so he needs paying very soon
I’m guessing they can get a high 2 at least for him now and maybe a 1.
I’d rather draft Williams and pay him $10m per for 4 years and then get another high quality player with the ex
I would think the move is to trade 1 and fields and do something like draft daniels but I don’t think fields gets enough to justify the optics of dealing him when the bears seem to be rising and you’re getting an insane amount of draft capital anyway
I agree fields isn’t the answer, and he only has 2 seasons left, but he’s good enough for what they’re doing and at best you get a 2nd for him and have nobody at qb but a gamble
I keep going back and forth on Tua. Did a little side by side with him and 4 other QBs that have had their names in the MVP race this season. Dak, Purdy, Lamar and Josh.
Excluded rushing since Tua doesn't really offer any value there, but from a pure passing perspective, his numbers are as good or better than these other guys.
On paper it appears he's done enough to get paid, and I'm not sure what other options there are for them if trading him for the first or second pick isn't on the table.
