2023 NFL Regular Season
As a niners fan I have spent this entire offseason in a silent rage
The last 20 years of being a niners fan has been an agony unlike any any franchise has ever come across. You can sit there and bemoan being a browns fan or a lions fan or blah blah blah **** you. The reality is in this period of time has blueballed no fanbase more than us *******s.
I sat through Mike Nolan. I sat through Smith over Rodgers. I sat through Mike ****ing god damned cockbreath Singletary. And then…
2011: Kyle Williams single handedly loses the NFCCG by botching returns not once but ****ing twice against the shittiest super bowl champion history has ever seen
2012: Turtle****er has no concept for the play clock and somehow someway I have to sit there and watch Joe Flacco become a super bowl champion
2013: Richard Sherman goes full WWE promo because he tips away a potential game winner in the NFCCG
2014-2017: because of the shittiest GM who has ever breathed air (needle can attest), I end up with 3 years of watching Chip Kelly and something called a Jim Tomsula coach this team into nothingness
2018: thinking he is so ****ing smart that he can trade for someone and flip him later, Lynch trades a 2nd for Jimmy mother****ing Womp
2019: 10 point lead in the 4th quarter of the Super Bowl? Watch me work
2020: lol
2021: 10 point lead in the 4th quarter of the NFCCG? Watch me work
Which brings us to last year. Somehow, despite everything that happened for TWENTY ****ING YEARS this cut deepest. This wasn’t even fair. I thought I was done with Jimmy. I wasn’t. The guy we traded 3 1sts for went down for the year and we ended up with him long enough for him to be such a fiasco he lost to Denver by Orlovskying before going down for the year and letting the last pick of the draft be the qb
And the last pick of the draft went 10-0
And the last pick of the draft had a shot at taking the niners to the ****ing super bowl
And he broke his elbow
And by halftime the only other qb on the roster had a concussion
And in something unlike anything I have ever seen in my ENTIRE ****ING LIFE a conference title game was being played without a qb
After thinking about this for a few months preparing myself for this season I have decided one thing and one thing only: **** each and every last one of you
With that in mind, welcome to the 2023 NFL Season
Your contenders:
1. Kansas City Chiefs: +600
Get ****ed. **** your Kermit ass QB, **** your morbidly obese coach who can’t keep his own children alive, **** your Kermit ass QB’s brother who sounds like a sexual predator, **** your Kermit ass QB’s wife who sounds like she cucks Kermit on the regular while posting thirst traps for the gram
**** your fanbase. **** your chop that you still do in the year of our lord 2023 for reasons I will never understand. **** your city, **** your state(s). I don’t give a **** if you claim the Chiefs from Kansas or Missouri, you’re a sack of ****. I had to watch you win a super bowl because your woman beating speedster broke open on Richard Sherman who is a man I want to see choke on his own delusion until the final ounce of life leaves his body. I hate you. I will always hate you
2. Philadelphia Eagles: +800
Get your ****ing ass out of here. Josh Johnson was drawing live to beat you until he got a concussion. JOSH JOHNSON! That buffoon has played for 47 football teams in 4 years. Neat little story. **** you anyway. Always Sunny has no redeeming characters cuz everyone in Philly is a malcontent POS. You have a jail in your stadiums. Trea Turner needed to buy billboard advertising to beg you to stop sending his family death threats. The only solace I have in the 9ers losing the NFCCG is you didn’t win the Super Bowl
3. San Francisco 49ers: +1000
I ****ing hate 9er fans with a fire that burns from 20000 suns. Your average 9er fan? Calling into SPORTS TALK RADIO to say Lynch should be lynched and Kyle should be fired because blah blah blah 3 1st round picks for lance blah blah blah Jimmy was the guy who coulda won the super bowl blah blah blah. I’m stuck sitting here rooting for a team whose best player is a Proud Boy. Our QB is from Iowa by way of Arizona so I already know before he opens his mouth he’s right there with Bosa. I visited Levis last year to watch the Rams game and somehow ended up in some insane wind tunnel directly underneath the pathway for where planes land in San Jose international 5 miles away. I was also watching a game in the parking lot of an amusement park for $400/ticket + $60 for a beer and chicken tenders. **** my ****ing life
4. Cincinnati Bengals: +1100
You dipshits give Paul Brown your hard earned money of which you have none. ****ing simps. Skyline chili is the stupidest **** I have ever heard of. You fat ****s sit at the alter of Joe Burrow despite the fact that he’s basically Boomer Esiason with a cigar. Have fun with that. You’re about to make him the highest paid NFL player of all time and there’s a 50/50 chance he’ll have some sort of leg injury that knocks him out for the next 7 seasons.
Also I drafted Chase last year and he was ****. So **** him. **** you too
5. Dallas Cowboys: +1500
Give me a second here….
I hate every single human being associated with this franchise and nothing gets my cock harder than knowing they have spent the last 2 years watching this team lose to the 9ers in the playoffs in the stupidest way imaginable BOTH ****ING TIMES! I have no sympathy for you. I go to sleep every night hoping Jerry Jones dies and wake up every morning furious he hasn’t. You employ Mike McCarthy. You pay some “mental health day” snowflake named Dakota an ungodly sum of money to win never. Micah Parsons gives heavy Clayton Bigsby vibes only Micah knows he’s black.
And the fans of this franchise?
Holy **** you ****ing loser ass dipshits in your loser ass city and your bumass state. If there was a just and loving god Texas would be ethered from existence and we wouldn’t have to pretend you how bout dem cowboy hicks have anything to say that we need to listen to. I will take a personal day when Jimmy Johnson dies to spend it all masturbating
6-32. Who gives a living ****
**** the Jets. Congrats on landing the immunized one. Can’t wait til you turn on him
**** the Ravens. You paid Lamar. Enjoy watching him do nothing
**** the Dolphins. I’m not certain Tua isn’t braindead as of this post
**** all of you. Let us football
Call me a fool but I'd be buying into Fields after this second half, would trade the #1 and stack up on important pieces elsewhere.
OK I just looked at that second half again. It's not outstanding and the schedule was somewhat soft. Maybe keep the #1 and flip Fields.
Excluded rushing since Tua doesn't really offer any value there, but from a pure passing perspective, his numbers are as good or better than these other guys.
If you exclude passing because that's not his strongest suit, Justin Fields is one of the best QBs in the league. Lamar and Allen are in a different category anyway because they get designed run plays but Tua doesn't (or isn't allowed to) even scramble anymore. That's something you have to factor in when evaluating him.
On paper it appears he's done enough to get paid, and I'm not sure what other options there are for them if trading him for the first or second pick isn't on the table.
Other option is going the Kirk Cousins route. That's another 3 years.
Washington tagged Cousins twice after they failed to agree on a contract extension before he signed that fully guaranteed 3 year deal in Minnesota. Since Tua also has the 5th year option that's basically 3 years of team control. In theory.
Personally I think Tua deserves to get paid and I'm pretty sure they could have agreed on something a couple years ago before the new trend of all the big name QB contracts virtually guaranteed for 4-5 years.
I have zero knowledge about the Dolphins - Tua relationship. How would it fly if they told him they're going to talk long-term extension after his 5th year?
Signing Tua long term is a risk. Remember he still has concussion risk. I'm not sure how good Tua would be without Tyreek.
Signing Tua long term is a risk. Remember he still has concussion risk. I'm not sure how good Tua would be without Tyreek.
All contracts with a lot of guaranteed money are a risk. The Chiefs paid Mahomes big money when nobody knew how good he would be without Tyreek and these days he's worse than Purdy.
Mahomes' contract is going to get a lot of top WRs paid. The truly elite QBs deserve the kind of money mahomes is making, but having 12 QBs avg over 40M/yr is crazy. The non top-5 QB contracts are going to start reducing (as a % of the cap) over the next 5-10 years and WRs are going to be a big beneficiary of it.
Tyreek averaged 80 yds/game w/ mahomes in the last 5 years and 107 yards/gm with Miami for the last 2. His competition for targets has been super high in both places so I'm left wondering how much of this 33% increase in yds/gm is made up purely in the difference in talents between mahomes and tua.
Call me a fool but I'd be buying into Fields after this second half, would trade the #1 and stack up on important pieces elsewhere.
He's looked great to the eye
OK I just looked at that second half again. It's not outstanding and the schedule was somewhat soft. Maybe keep the #1 and flip Fields.
But yeah, or trading down a couple spots and still getting a qb and even more assets (obv depending on my evals)
Karen goes on Podcast Punter’s show and randomly insinuates Jimmy Kimmel is going to be named as one of the Epstein John Does
Wouldn’t be surprised if that’s the end of his appearances lol
Rodgers slappies on X: He's just horsing around! Kimmel gave him **** so he's giving Kimmel ****!
Tell that to the pizzagate psycho who shows up at Kimmel's home.
Karen goes on Podcast Punter’s show and randomly insinuates Jimmy Kimmel is going to be named as one of the Epstein John Does
Wouldn’t be surprised if that’s the end of his appearances lol
What are the odds that smarty-pants didn't even know the same people who pay him for that podcast appearance also pay Jimmy Kimmel for his TV show?
What are the odds that the reason Karen and Karen’s family hate each other is cuz his family is a bunch of normal people who can’t stand his constant flow of nonsense?
I mean they live in Chico so probably not likely but maybe?
Tua definitely gets help from his coach and the talent around him but so do a lot of other QBs.
IMO the big thing holding him back is that he seems to make 2-3 truly awful throws per game where he seems to throw into quadruple coverages. These throws, in addition to us not being conditioned to left handed passers and making his passing technique still seem awkward, means he doesn’t seem like a top tier guy despite a load of his other throws being truly outstanding
What I don’t know because I don’t grind film is whether the scheme calls for him to make those throws and he just doesn’t quite have the touch or whether they are truly awful passes.
I also think all his receivers being short exacerbates this problem because he rarely seems to be passing above defenders heads, which makes the INTs/almost INTs look even worse.
I haven’t been too eloquent with this point but hope it makes sense
I think part of that issue is how much they rely on timing and throwing based on his footwork. I'm guessing it's something all QBs deal with, but from what I've heard it's a bigger part of their offense than other teams.
I would be keeping 1 and trading Fields. ... It’s the end of yr 3 so he needs paying very soon
this right here is why
there's a number of good qbs available via trade or free agency each year - they often stay put because nobody wants to pay their salaries
fields will get paid soon at the very least, he's shown himself to an nfl capable qb, which means he's going to suck up a whole lotta cap
if he were in year 1 or 2 i would stick with it, trade the pick and continue to build around him, but the number one benefit of drafting a franchise qb is about to go out the window
just really hope the pats wind up with michael penix
but in the meantime, can't understand why they aren't giving malik cunningham a look, he looked really good in very limited preseason play and the locker room has been leaking to the media that the team feels he's the best qb on the roster and have been advocating he gets a look
zappe appears to be an upgrade over pro bowler mac jones, but there's little chance he opens next season as a starter on any nfl team so may as well kick the tires on malik this final game and see what you got
The idea that he can't throw the ball deep has been proven false, but he does float the ball far too often instead of zipping it in to the receiver. So there could be some truth to him having a weakish arm.
I preface this by saying I’m not high on Caleb so I may be biased
If you can get a haul equal to or better than what you got for Bryce for the 1 and you can get at worst a high 2 for fields the only correct move is to deal them both
Whether I agree or disagree (and more the latter than the former albeit I see the argument) it’s far safer/easier for a GM/Coach combo to buy themselves an additional 2-3 years with a clear plan of the top of the draft QB. Way less risky for their jobs than trading everyone and hoping to stumble backwards into a QB solution
just really hope the pats wind up with michael penix
but in the meantime, can't understand why they aren't giving malik cunningham a look, he looked really good in very limited preseason play and the locker room has been leaking to the media that the team feels he's the best qb on the roster and have been advocating he gets a look
zappe appears to be an upgrade over pro bowler mac jones, but there's little chance he opens next season as a sta
Guessing the main reason is that Malik hasn't been a Patriot for a few weeks
fraudgers turned into curt schilling so gradually that i didn't even notice
