2023 NFL Regular Season
As a niners fan I have spent this entire offseason in a silent rage
The last 20 years of being a niners fan has been an agony unlike any any franchise has ever come across. You can sit there and bemoan being a browns fan or a lions fan or blah blah blah **** you. The reality is in this period of time has blueballed no fanbase more than us *******s.
I sat through Mike Nolan. I sat through Smith over Rodgers. I sat through Mike ****ing god damned cockbreath Singletary. And then…
2011: Kyle Williams single handedly loses the NFCCG by botching returns not once but ****ing twice against the shittiest super bowl champion history has ever seen
2012: Turtle****er has no concept for the play clock and somehow someway I have to sit there and watch Joe Flacco become a super bowl champion
2013: Richard Sherman goes full WWE promo because he tips away a potential game winner in the NFCCG
2014-2017: because of the shittiest GM who has ever breathed air (needle can attest), I end up with 3 years of watching Chip Kelly and something called a Jim Tomsula coach this team into nothingness
2018: thinking he is so ****ing smart that he can trade for someone and flip him later, Lynch trades a 2nd for Jimmy mother****ing Womp
2019: 10 point lead in the 4th quarter of the Super Bowl? Watch me work
2020: lol
2021: 10 point lead in the 4th quarter of the NFCCG? Watch me work
Which brings us to last year. Somehow, despite everything that happened for TWENTY ****ING YEARS this cut deepest. This wasn’t even fair. I thought I was done with Jimmy. I wasn’t. The guy we traded 3 1sts for went down for the year and we ended up with him long enough for him to be such a fiasco he lost to Denver by Orlovskying before going down for the year and letting the last pick of the draft be the qb
And the last pick of the draft went 10-0
And the last pick of the draft had a shot at taking the niners to the ****ing super bowl
And he broke his elbow
And by halftime the only other qb on the roster had a concussion
And in something unlike anything I have ever seen in my ENTIRE ****ING LIFE a conference title game was being played without a qb
After thinking about this for a few months preparing myself for this season I have decided one thing and one thing only: **** each and every last one of you
With that in mind, welcome to the 2023 NFL Season
Your contenders:
1. Kansas City Chiefs: +600
Get ****ed. **** your Kermit ass QB, **** your morbidly obese coach who can’t keep his own children alive, **** your Kermit ass QB’s brother who sounds like a sexual predator, **** your Kermit ass QB’s wife who sounds like she cucks Kermit on the regular while posting thirst traps for the gram
**** your fanbase. **** your chop that you still do in the year of our lord 2023 for reasons I will never understand. **** your city, **** your state(s). I don’t give a **** if you claim the Chiefs from Kansas or Missouri, you’re a sack of ****. I had to watch you win a super bowl because your woman beating speedster broke open on Richard Sherman who is a man I want to see choke on his own delusion until the final ounce of life leaves his body. I hate you. I will always hate you
2. Philadelphia Eagles: +800
Get your ****ing ass out of here. Josh Johnson was drawing live to beat you until he got a concussion. JOSH JOHNSON! That buffoon has played for 47 football teams in 4 years. Neat little story. **** you anyway. Always Sunny has no redeeming characters cuz everyone in Philly is a malcontent POS. You have a jail in your stadiums. Trea Turner needed to buy billboard advertising to beg you to stop sending his family death threats. The only solace I have in the 9ers losing the NFCCG is you didn’t win the Super Bowl
3. San Francisco 49ers: +1000
I ****ing hate 9er fans with a fire that burns from 20000 suns. Your average 9er fan? Calling into SPORTS TALK RADIO to say Lynch should be lynched and Kyle should be fired because blah blah blah 3 1st round picks for lance blah blah blah Jimmy was the guy who coulda won the super bowl blah blah blah. I’m stuck sitting here rooting for a team whose best player is a Proud Boy. Our QB is from Iowa by way of Arizona so I already know before he opens his mouth he’s right there with Bosa. I visited Levis last year to watch the Rams game and somehow ended up in some insane wind tunnel directly underneath the pathway for where planes land in San Jose international 5 miles away. I was also watching a game in the parking lot of an amusement park for $400/ticket + $60 for a beer and chicken tenders. **** my ****ing life
4. Cincinnati Bengals: +1100
You dipshits give Paul Brown your hard earned money of which you have none. ****ing simps. Skyline chili is the stupidest **** I have ever heard of. You fat ****s sit at the alter of Joe Burrow despite the fact that he’s basically Boomer Esiason with a cigar. Have fun with that. You’re about to make him the highest paid NFL player of all time and there’s a 50/50 chance he’ll have some sort of leg injury that knocks him out for the next 7 seasons.
Also I drafted Chase last year and he was ****. So **** him. **** you too
5. Dallas Cowboys: +1500
Give me a second here….
I hate every single human being associated with this franchise and nothing gets my cock harder than knowing they have spent the last 2 years watching this team lose to the 9ers in the playoffs in the stupidest way imaginable BOTH ****ING TIMES! I have no sympathy for you. I go to sleep every night hoping Jerry Jones dies and wake up every morning furious he hasn’t. You employ Mike McCarthy. You pay some “mental health day” snowflake named Dakota an ungodly sum of money to win never. Micah Parsons gives heavy Clayton Bigsby vibes only Micah knows he’s black.
And the fans of this franchise?
Holy **** you ****ing loser ass dipshits in your loser ass city and your bumass state. If there was a just and loving god Texas would be ethered from existence and we wouldn’t have to pretend you how bout dem cowboy hicks have anything to say that we need to listen to. I will take a personal day when Jimmy Johnson dies to spend it all masturbating
6-32. Who gives a living ****
**** the Jets. Congrats on landing the immunized one. Can’t wait til you turn on him
**** the Ravens. You paid Lamar. Enjoy watching him do nothing
**** the Dolphins. I’m not certain Tua isn’t braindead as of this post
**** all of you. Let us football
Who's trading a good pick for two years of Fields?
there's a number of good qbs available via trade or free agency each year - they often stay put because nobody wants to pay their salaries
Who was the last good to very good QB who hit free agency? Tom Brady is obviously a special case, other than that I can only come up with Kirk Cousins? He got paid in FA.
Among the QBs who became available via trade they all got paid, too. Watson, Wilson and Rodgers got traded on a big contract.
If one of the elite QBs hit the market as a FA in the offseason a lot of teams would pay them at least what they're getting paid right now. Heck, judging based on the Watson and Wilson trades they would fetch 4+ first rounders and still get paid.
Who was the last good to very good QB who hit free agency? Tom Brady is obviously a special case, other than that I can only come up with Kirk Cousins? He got paid in FA.
Among the QBs who became available via trade they all got paid, too. Watson, Wilson and Rodgers got traded on a big contract.
If one of the elite QBs hit the market as a FA in the offseason a lot of teams would pay them at least what they're getting paid right now. Heck, ju
perhaps i wasn't clear enough but that was the idea that all trade/free agent qb aquisitions come with getting paid
Great story but he’s played 5 total games, 17 Defensive snaps and made 2 total tackles
I think he should get a special spirit type award and then the Comeback award should be one that’s earned on the field
Edit: yes yes also 60 % of the special teams snaps in the games he’s played in
Aaron Rodgers is hilarious.
And Jimmy Kimmel sucks.
I'd argue there are a finite number of idiots who can take the bait since several that would be in position already shot their wads (Browns, Jest, Denver). Only team I think it truly makes sense for is Vikings since they have the other pieces and probably a short window. Tampa needs a QB but Evans hits UFA and they're also a dumpster fire. Stealers are fraudulent but could maybe trick themselves into thinking they're a Justin Fields away from contending? Might add Failcons to the list.
Tyreek Hill's season: 2 baby mamas + a new wife + his house caught fire and he's still the best thing about the Dolphins who will lose their next 2 games
Don't see why tua has more concussion risk than anyone else. Cte maybe but that's another 10 years away.
Don't see why tua has more concussion risk than anyone else. Cte maybe but that's another 10 years away.
It has definitely been observed. Here's is a study on it
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/14625331...
Players reporting a history of 3 or more previous concussions were 3.0 (95% confidence interval, 1.6-5.6) times more likely to have an incident concussion than players with no concussion history.
Why that is the case is a bit more complicated question? There are a few possible reasons. Here is one:
The increased susceptibility for a second concussion also comes down to brain chemistry. A concussion causes chemical changes in your brain, which leave the brain unbalanced and more prone to damage for up to a year, said David Hovda, director of the Brain Injury Research Center at the University of California, Los Angeles.
If you're Dolphins ownership, then probably.
The real problem is that Tua sucks.
But if Tua was Mahomes-level with a significant concussion history and it were known that his short term risks were no different from anyone else, but his long-term CTE risk was tenfold, they would absolutely sign him to a long-term deal and not give a ****.
I need Buf, Jax, and Dal wins this week to hit my division winner parlay. Already have Bal, KC, and Det locked up. Bet was $121 to win $17,500. Cashout offer is currently $4,013. Would you go for it or take the cash and run? It was worth just pennies in week 12 after Den beat Buf, but wow have things changed.
Depends on how materially different $4k vs $17k is to your lifestyle. If $4k is a lot, I’d take it. If not much would change, I’d probably gamble for $17k.
As far as equity, I’d say Bills are a flip, Jags 60% and Cowboys 75% = $3,937.50. I trust the Jags the least.
I need Buf, Jax, and Dal wins this week to hit my division winner parlay. Already have Bal, KC, and Det locked up. Bet was $121 to win $17,500. Cashout offer is currently $4,013. Would you go for it or take the cash and run? It was worth just pennies in week 12 after Den beat Buf, but wow have things changed.
BUF/JAX/DAL parlay is +170, no way in hell i would cash out for that lowball offer. since they all play at different times one thing you could do if you want to hedge some is fire on TEN ML, then if JAX wins fire WASH ML, then if DAL wins fire MIA ML. you'd likely pay way less vig that way but it would require some larger deposits.
