2023 NFL Regular Season
As a niners fan I have spent this entire offseason in a silent rage
The last 20 years of being a niners fan has been an agony unlike any any franchise has ever come across. You can sit there and bemoan being a browns fan or a lions fan or blah blah blah **** you. The reality is in this period of time has blueballed no fanbase more than us *******s.
I sat through Mike Nolan. I sat through Smith over Rodgers. I sat through Mike ****ing god damned cockbreath Singletary. And then…
2011: Kyle Williams single handedly loses the NFCCG by botching returns not once but ****ing twice against the shittiest super bowl champion history has ever seen
2012: Turtle****er has no concept for the play clock and somehow someway I have to sit there and watch Joe Flacco become a super bowl champion
2013: Richard Sherman goes full WWE promo because he tips away a potential game winner in the NFCCG
2014-2017: because of the shittiest GM who has ever breathed air (needle can attest), I end up with 3 years of watching Chip Kelly and something called a Jim Tomsula coach this team into nothingness
2018: thinking he is so ****ing smart that he can trade for someone and flip him later, Lynch trades a 2nd for Jimmy mother****ing Womp
2019: 10 point lead in the 4th quarter of the Super Bowl? Watch me work
2020: lol
2021: 10 point lead in the 4th quarter of the NFCCG? Watch me work
Which brings us to last year. Somehow, despite everything that happened for TWENTY ****ING YEARS this cut deepest. This wasn’t even fair. I thought I was done with Jimmy. I wasn’t. The guy we traded 3 1sts for went down for the year and we ended up with him long enough for him to be such a fiasco he lost to Denver by Orlovskying before going down for the year and letting the last pick of the draft be the qb
And the last pick of the draft went 10-0
And the last pick of the draft had a shot at taking the niners to the ****ing super bowl
And he broke his elbow
And by halftime the only other qb on the roster had a concussion
And in something unlike anything I have ever seen in my ENTIRE ****ING LIFE a conference title game was being played without a qb
After thinking about this for a few months preparing myself for this season I have decided one thing and one thing only: **** each and every last one of you
With that in mind, welcome to the 2023 NFL Season
Your contenders:
1. Kansas City Chiefs: +600
Get ****ed. **** your Kermit ass QB, **** your morbidly obese coach who can’t keep his own children alive, **** your Kermit ass QB’s brother who sounds like a sexual predator, **** your Kermit ass QB’s wife who sounds like she cucks Kermit on the regular while posting thirst traps for the gram
**** your fanbase. **** your chop that you still do in the year of our lord 2023 for reasons I will never understand. **** your city, **** your state(s). I don’t give a **** if you claim the Chiefs from Kansas or Missouri, you’re a sack of ****. I had to watch you win a super bowl because your woman beating speedster broke open on Richard Sherman who is a man I want to see choke on his own delusion until the final ounce of life leaves his body. I hate you. I will always hate you
2. Philadelphia Eagles: +800
Get your ****ing ass out of here. Josh Johnson was drawing live to beat you until he got a concussion. JOSH JOHNSON! That buffoon has played for 47 football teams in 4 years. Neat little story. **** you anyway. Always Sunny has no redeeming characters cuz everyone in Philly is a malcontent POS. You have a jail in your stadiums. Trea Turner needed to buy billboard advertising to beg you to stop sending his family death threats. The only solace I have in the 9ers losing the NFCCG is you didn’t win the Super Bowl
3. San Francisco 49ers: +1000
I ****ing hate 9er fans with a fire that burns from 20000 suns. Your average 9er fan? Calling into SPORTS TALK RADIO to say Lynch should be lynched and Kyle should be fired because blah blah blah 3 1st round picks for lance blah blah blah Jimmy was the guy who coulda won the super bowl blah blah blah. I’m stuck sitting here rooting for a team whose best player is a Proud Boy. Our QB is from Iowa by way of Arizona so I already know before he opens his mouth he’s right there with Bosa. I visited Levis last year to watch the Rams game and somehow ended up in some insane wind tunnel directly underneath the pathway for where planes land in San Jose international 5 miles away. I was also watching a game in the parking lot of an amusement park for $400/ticket + $60 for a beer and chicken tenders. **** my ****ing life
4. Cincinnati Bengals: +1100
You dipshits give Paul Brown your hard earned money of which you have none. ****ing simps. Skyline chili is the stupidest **** I have ever heard of. You fat ****s sit at the alter of Joe Burrow despite the fact that he’s basically Boomer Esiason with a cigar. Have fun with that. You’re about to make him the highest paid NFL player of all time and there’s a 50/50 chance he’ll have some sort of leg injury that knocks him out for the next 7 seasons.
Also I drafted Chase last year and he was ****. So **** him. **** you too
5. Dallas Cowboys: +1500
Give me a second here….
I hate every single human being associated with this franchise and nothing gets my cock harder than knowing they have spent the last 2 years watching this team lose to the 9ers in the playoffs in the stupidest way imaginable BOTH ****ING TIMES! I have no sympathy for you. I go to sleep every night hoping Jerry Jones dies and wake up every morning furious he hasn’t. You employ Mike McCarthy. You pay some “mental health day” snowflake named Dakota an ungodly sum of money to win never. Micah Parsons gives heavy Clayton Bigsby vibes only Micah knows he’s black.
And the fans of this franchise?
Holy **** you ****ing loser ass dipshits in your loser ass city and your bumass state. If there was a just and loving god Texas would be ethered from existence and we wouldn’t have to pretend you how bout dem cowboy hicks have anything to say that we need to listen to. I will take a personal day when Jimmy Johnson dies to spend it all masturbating
6-32. Who gives a living ****
**** the Jets. Congrats on landing the immunized one. Can’t wait til you turn on him
**** the Ravens. You paid Lamar. Enjoy watching him do nothing
**** the Dolphins. I’m not certain Tua isn’t braindead as of this post
**** all of you. Let us football
Yeah, 72 is pretty damn old for sports. Like wrath said, it was probably time to move on. Those two straight SB appearances were awhile ago, and he hasn't won a playoff game since 2019. But their division is tough.
With that said, Pete is owed a lifetime contract simply for helping them move on from Russ at the right time and getting that haul back.
Yeah, 72 is pretty damn old for sports. Like wrath said, it was probably time to move on. Those two straight SB appearances were awhile ago, and he hasn't won a playoff game since 2019. But their division is tough.
With that said, Pete is owed a lifetime contract simply for helping them move on from Russ at the right time and getting that haul back.
That deal will go down in history
Tbh I haven’t seen an analysis of what they’ve done with the picks so far - anyone seen one?
Seahawks going to hire harbaugh
CIN's defense was obv a mess most of the season
LBs and CBs are pretty solid and those rooms don't need to be addressed this off-season
hopefully Myles Murphy makes a decent sophomore jump (he looked better during the second half of this season) which would help bolster the edge position
DT is the priority as you mentioned, but the young safeties looked like trash. not sure what, if anything, the FO is going to do this off-season to address th
Defense was atrocious but I think Chido is gone so there’s a need at cornerback to deal with. Otherwise back 7 depth seems ok. I’m not as worried about safety. We were spoiled with Bell and Bates back there and losing both sucked. Murphy and Ossai have to step up next year and interior DL has to be addressed. And is Lou Anarumo really a genius or not? I dunno.
I think we need a shakeup on the offensive coaching side of things. Note sure what the right answer is though.
Look at 2024. DJ Reader is a FA. Drops that number way down. Interior DL that can stop the run is a NEED in Cincinnati
It drops by Reader's cap hit from $64M to $49M and is still 5th overall by AAV. If you're saying they need to replace Reader, well yeah obviously they do but I didn't interpret replacing him as spending more. I'm not sure that there's anyone who isn't a talent downgrade other than Chris Jones (who definitely costs more). Who would you be looking to sign?
Defense was atrocious but I think Chido is gone so there’s a need at cornerback to deal with. Otherwise back 7 depth seems ok. I’m not as worried about safety. We were spoiled with Bell and Bates back there and losing both sucked. Murphy and Ossai have to step up next year and interior DL has to be addressed. And is Lou Anarumo really a genius or not? I dunno.
I think we need a shakeup on the offensive coaching side of things. Note sure wha
hate that Chido's injury took him to at or below a replacement level CB. perhaps Dax' rookie year experiment at CB will be revisted?
the offense prob just needs a more dynamic RB to open up things further. Zack Moss as a FA signing could be the elixir?
i've always valued the NFLPA's all-pro team (released today). happy to see my calls for Crosby to land on some of these teams answered:
Didn't the Bengals offensive line starters play every game this year? Absolutely brutal considering they ship either of the last two rangz if that happens.
BB and Pats parting ways. Not unexpected.
No trade? Maybe had something in his contract that just lets him walk if he wants.
The Titans owner was talking about this with the Vrabel situation, that NFL coaches only get traded when they acquiesce to the trade.
(It's the guys that want out, not fired, that are willing to sacrifice assets at their new spot.)
She said trying to work something out could take weeks and they didn't want to sacrifice that time, missing out on top candidates.
Flacc! ahhhhhh he'll save everyone of us!
Pretty interesting last couple days. There's what, 7 or 8 teams looking for HC?
WAS, ATL, CAR, LAC, NE, SEA, TEN? Missing anyone?
what is boomer belichick's record with non-bardy QBs
NE looking for HC. Thought I heard at lunch that BB & them "decided to part ways."
Who's in the Mac Jones derby?
From NBC.....like they are doing us a favour by streaming, ffs
Peacock’s Saturday, January 13 AFC Wild Card game between Mahomes’ Kansas City Chiefs and Tagovailoa’s visiting Miami Dolphins actually marks a pretty historic television milestone: It’s the first time ever that viewers around the world will be able to catch an NFL playoff game exclusively on a streaming service.
