2023 NFL Regular Season
As a niners fan I have spent this entire offseason in a silent rage
The last 20 years of being a niners fan has been an agony unlike any any franchise has ever come across. You can sit there and bemoan being a browns fan or a lions fan or blah blah blah **** you. The reality is in this period of time has blueballed no fanbase more than us *******s.
I sat through Mike Nolan. I sat through Smith over Rodgers. I sat through Mike ****ing god damned cockbreath Singletary. And then…
2011: Kyle Williams single handedly loses the NFCCG by botching returns not once but ****ing twice against the shittiest super bowl champion history has ever seen
2012: Turtle****er has no concept for the play clock and somehow someway I have to sit there and watch Joe Flacco become a super bowl champion
2013: Richard Sherman goes full WWE promo because he tips away a potential game winner in the NFCCG
2014-2017: because of the shittiest GM who has ever breathed air (needle can attest), I end up with 3 years of watching Chip Kelly and something called a Jim Tomsula coach this team into nothingness
2018: thinking he is so ****ing smart that he can trade for someone and flip him later, Lynch trades a 2nd for Jimmy mother****ing Womp
2019: 10 point lead in the 4th quarter of the Super Bowl? Watch me work
2020: lol
2021: 10 point lead in the 4th quarter of the NFCCG? Watch me work
Which brings us to last year. Somehow, despite everything that happened for TWENTY ****ING YEARS this cut deepest. This wasn’t even fair. I thought I was done with Jimmy. I wasn’t. The guy we traded 3 1sts for went down for the year and we ended up with him long enough for him to be such a fiasco he lost to Denver by Orlovskying before going down for the year and letting the last pick of the draft be the qb
And the last pick of the draft went 10-0
And the last pick of the draft had a shot at taking the niners to the ****ing super bowl
And he broke his elbow
And by halftime the only other qb on the roster had a concussion
And in something unlike anything I have ever seen in my ENTIRE ****ING LIFE a conference title game was being played without a qb
After thinking about this for a few months preparing myself for this season I have decided one thing and one thing only: **** each and every last one of you
With that in mind, welcome to the 2023 NFL Season
Your contenders:
1. Kansas City Chiefs: +600
Get ****ed. **** your Kermit ass QB, **** your morbidly obese coach who can’t keep his own children alive, **** your Kermit ass QB’s brother who sounds like a sexual predator, **** your Kermit ass QB’s wife who sounds like she cucks Kermit on the regular while posting thirst traps for the gram
**** your fanbase. **** your chop that you still do in the year of our lord 2023 for reasons I will never understand. **** your city, **** your state(s). I don’t give a **** if you claim the Chiefs from Kansas or Missouri, you’re a sack of ****. I had to watch you win a super bowl because your woman beating speedster broke open on Richard Sherman who is a man I want to see choke on his own delusion until the final ounce of life leaves his body. I hate you. I will always hate you
2. Philadelphia Eagles: +800
Get your ****ing ass out of here. Josh Johnson was drawing live to beat you until he got a concussion. JOSH JOHNSON! That buffoon has played for 47 football teams in 4 years. Neat little story. **** you anyway. Always Sunny has no redeeming characters cuz everyone in Philly is a malcontent POS. You have a jail in your stadiums. Trea Turner needed to buy billboard advertising to beg you to stop sending his family death threats. The only solace I have in the 9ers losing the NFCCG is you didn’t win the Super Bowl
3. San Francisco 49ers: +1000
I ****ing hate 9er fans with a fire that burns from 20000 suns. Your average 9er fan? Calling into SPORTS TALK RADIO to say Lynch should be lynched and Kyle should be fired because blah blah blah 3 1st round picks for lance blah blah blah Jimmy was the guy who coulda won the super bowl blah blah blah. I’m stuck sitting here rooting for a team whose best player is a Proud Boy. Our QB is from Iowa by way of Arizona so I already know before he opens his mouth he’s right there with Bosa. I visited Levis last year to watch the Rams game and somehow ended up in some insane wind tunnel directly underneath the pathway for where planes land in San Jose international 5 miles away. I was also watching a game in the parking lot of an amusement park for $400/ticket + $60 for a beer and chicken tenders. **** my ****ing life
4. Cincinnati Bengals: +1100
You dipshits give Paul Brown your hard earned money of which you have none. ****ing simps. Skyline chili is the stupidest **** I have ever heard of. You fat ****s sit at the alter of Joe Burrow despite the fact that he’s basically Boomer Esiason with a cigar. Have fun with that. You’re about to make him the highest paid NFL player of all time and there’s a 50/50 chance he’ll have some sort of leg injury that knocks him out for the next 7 seasons.
Also I drafted Chase last year and he was ****. So **** him. **** you too
5. Dallas Cowboys: +1500
Give me a second here….
I hate every single human being associated with this franchise and nothing gets my cock harder than knowing they have spent the last 2 years watching this team lose to the 9ers in the playoffs in the stupidest way imaginable BOTH ****ING TIMES! I have no sympathy for you. I go to sleep every night hoping Jerry Jones dies and wake up every morning furious he hasn’t. You employ Mike McCarthy. You pay some “mental health day” snowflake named Dakota an ungodly sum of money to win never. Micah Parsons gives heavy Clayton Bigsby vibes only Micah knows he’s black.
And the fans of this franchise?
Holy **** you ****ing loser ass dipshits in your loser ass city and your bumass state. If there was a just and loving god Texas would be ethered from existence and we wouldn’t have to pretend you how bout dem cowboy hicks have anything to say that we need to listen to. I will take a personal day when Jimmy Johnson dies to spend it all masturbating
6-32. Who gives a living ****
**** the Jets. Congrats on landing the immunized one. Can’t wait til you turn on him
**** the Ravens. You paid Lamar. Enjoy watching him do nothing
**** the Dolphins. I’m not certain Tua isn’t braindead as of this post
**** all of you. Let us football
2024 cap space chart by team
https://overthecap.com/salary-cap-space
Bengals have 5th most (and they can make savings on a few if they need to)...need to decide what to do with Higgins and the pay window opens on Chase, albeit Vikings just didn't pay JJ after 3 years, so we'll see.
Higgins will get tagged. Whether or not a long term deal happens is up to that POS David Mulugheta (eff that guy). Burrow said today that he structured his deal to help the team get these two deals done as well. We shall see. Bengals have to spend more money on trenches this year - especially DL and maybe LG or RT depending on the market.
vrabel took over a 9-7 (1-1) playoff team and went:
9-7
9-7 (2-1)
11-5 (0-1)
12-5 (0-1)
7-10
6-11
so i guess i get it. he took over a decent team, beat up on a lousy division for a while, choked in the playoffs, and then faded into bolivian. might be better to err on the side of caution by keeping vrabel given the odds that a rando replacement will be disastrous, but i get it. team is def going the wrong way
That's fair, but did he have any sway in trading away AJ Brown for nothing or drafting Levis?
If he didn't, I think that speaks pretty decently of what he was able to do. If he made those moves, then yeah, I'm probably too high on him.
Because he's the most underrated quarterback. Most touchdowns in the league by far, 3-0 vs Tua and Mahomes and somehow Allen isn't even a pro bowler let alone in the MVP discussion. Josh throws 2 interceptions and that's all anyone talks about. Lamar throws two interceptions and no one bats an eye, they only talk about his "electric" plays.
Doesn't really matter. Allen doesn't care about personal accolades anyways. He will just beat lamar
but will he ever take a snap in a Super Bowl?
In no games did he lose a 4th quarter lead on a turnover
Not all MVP candidates can claim the latter…
Umm the Jets game? It was 13-6 BUF, he threw a pick and the Jets scored a TD to tie on the resulting drive, the next drive at 13-13 Josh fumbled and the Jets scored a FG to take the lead. They were also up 24-21 vs the Eagles, threw a pick, Eagles scored on resulting drive to take the lead.
Or is this a very specific stat where it wasn't a pick six or a fumble recovery for a TD? Or because they did tie in regulation only to lose in OT
That's fair, but did he have any sway in trading away AJ Brown for nothing or drafting Levis?
If he didn't, I think that speaks pretty decently of what he was able to do. If he made those moves, then yeah, I'm probably too high on him.
I’d say he was as surprised about the AJB trade as the fans.
if he thinks the titans didnt value stud WRs, wait until he gets to new england
That's fair, but did he have any sway in trading away AJ Brown for nothing or drafting Levis?
If he didn't, I think that speaks pretty decently of what he was able to do. If he made those moves, then yeah, I'm probably too high on him.
and prior to that:
Titans coach Mike Vrabel attempted to quiet the talk Thursday while appearing on The Rich Eisen Show after Eisen asked whether Brown was “on the trade block.”
“Not as long as I’m the head coach,” Vrabel said. “I love A.J. professionally, personally. I’ve gotten to know him well as his coach and enjoy seeing him as much as I possibly can. Saw him here working out here earlier, said hi. As long as I’m the head coach here, I would want to have A.J. Brown on my football team.”
After the chiefs win the super bowl again
Mahomes said basically the same thing when he signed his original contract extension. Leaving money on the table so the other guys could get paid, too. Didn't work out at all.
He did, and the team spent it on the other side of the ball. I dislike Mahomes, but that’s not his fault that he has Kelce and 5 garbage cans to throw to.
He did, and the team spent it on the other side of the ball. I dislike Mahomes, but that’s not his fault that he has Kelce and 5 garbage cans to throw to.
Lots of money actually went to the O-line. The point is that Mahomes had envisioned they'd pay Hill (got traded), Kelce (criminally underpaid the last couple of years) and Chris Jones who is most likely gone after the season because they couldn't agree on a new contract. I believe Mahomes had good intentions, same goes for Burrow.
FWIW, it kinda is Mahomes fault that he has Kelce and 5 garbage cans to throw to. If he didn't have that 2022 season where it looked like he can throw to just about anyone and make them look like a star the Chiefs probably would have revamped their WR room before this season. Now we know that not even Mahomes can keep winning without anyone who can catch the ball and doesn't line up offsides. If Buffalo goes on to win the SuperBowl that Toney penalty might have been the most important moment of the season for them.
He did, and the team spent it on the other side of the ball. I dislike Mahomes, but that’s not his fault that he has Kelce and 5 garbage cans to throw to.
KC has drafted a WR in the 2nd round in '18, '22 & '23. The also traded for 3 other WRs when hill left, they have one of the best TE in the history of the game and two very solid pass catching RBs. The pass catchers aren't the problem.
If he didn't have that 2022 season where it looked like he can throw to just about anyone and make them look like a star the Chiefs probably would have revamped their WR room before this season.
To us fans he looked like the could one day join the Godgers tier when he had tyreek and kelce. Considering how many pass catchers KC brought in when tyeek left I don't think the brass in KC every thought they had an elite pass thrower in pat. Two years removed from tyreek/kelce and KC has to be wondering if they are overpaying pat.
That's definitely an argument someone could make
Unsurprisingly not only did he not apologize cuz he did nothing wrong, but it’s everyone else’s fault for thinking that’s what he meant. And he’d totally never call anyone a pedophile but YOU made it worse cuz you thought he did
Gotemmmmmmm
"All of the so-called experts were wrong and I was right." Page one of the unhinged narcissist's handbook.
Adios Pete Carroll.
Sounds like he could stay on in a different role.
Look at 2024. DJ Reader is a FA. Drops that number way down. Interior DL that can stop the run is a NEED in Cincinnati
CIN's defense was obv a mess most of the season
LBs and CBs are pretty solid and those rooms don't need to be addressed this off-season
hopefully Myles Murphy makes a decent sophomore jump (he looked better during the second half of this season) which would help bolster the edge position
DT is the priority as you mentioned, but the young safeties looked like trash. not sure what, if anything, the FO is going to do this off-season to address the poor safety play. probably just need to roll the kids back out there (one of which was a 1st rounder) and see if there's growth
the critical moving part to focus on right now though is Brian Callahan's (the OC) situation. two teams have asked to interview him. i hope he lands a HC job bc he's probably earned the opportunity, but it needs to happen quickly to ensure QB coach Dan Pitcher doesn't get poached. if Callahan moves on from the organization, Pitcher would snap be promoted to OC. Pitcher could be the next big thing as far as young and upcoming offensive savants are concerned
Bills fan was shot and killed after the game on Sunday. People take sports way too seriously.
CIN's defense was obv a mess most of the season
LBs and CBs are pretty solid and those rooms don't need to be addressed this off-season
hopefully Myles Murphy makes a decent sophomore jump (he looked better during the second half of this season) which would help bolster the edge position
DT is the priority as you mentioned, but the young safeties looked like trash. not sure what, if anything, the FO is going to do this off-season to address th
I’m a niners fan, but have a soft spot for the bengals (love me some burrow + chase).
Thanks for your takes on Cincy, they keep me informed.
surprises me that they’re pushing him on because they’ve been ok the past few years but it’s probably a good decision IMO.
I know you guys have criminally old political leaders too but 72 is really ****ing old to be running an NFL team
