2023 NFL Regular Season
As a niners fan I have spent this entire offseason in a silent rage
The last 20 years of being a niners fan has been an agony unlike any any franchise has ever come across. You can sit there and bemoan being a browns fan or a lions fan or blah blah blah **** you. The reality is in this period of time has blueballed no fanbase more than us *******s.
I sat through Mike Nolan. I sat through Smith over Rodgers. I sat through Mike ****ing god damned cockbreath Singletary. And then…
2011: Kyle Williams single handedly loses the NFCCG by botching returns not once but ****ing twice against the shittiest super bowl champion history has ever seen
2012: Turtle****er has no concept for the play clock and somehow someway I have to sit there and watch Joe Flacco become a super bowl champion
2013: Richard Sherman goes full WWE promo because he tips away a potential game winner in the NFCCG
2014-2017: because of the shittiest GM who has ever breathed air (needle can attest), I end up with 3 years of watching Chip Kelly and something called a Jim Tomsula coach this team into nothingness
2018: thinking he is so ****ing smart that he can trade for someone and flip him later, Lynch trades a 2nd for Jimmy mother****ing Womp
2019: 10 point lead in the 4th quarter of the Super Bowl? Watch me work
2020: lol
2021: 10 point lead in the 4th quarter of the NFCCG? Watch me work
Which brings us to last year. Somehow, despite everything that happened for TWENTY ****ING YEARS this cut deepest. This wasn’t even fair. I thought I was done with Jimmy. I wasn’t. The guy we traded 3 1sts for went down for the year and we ended up with him long enough for him to be such a fiasco he lost to Denver by Orlovskying before going down for the year and letting the last pick of the draft be the qb
And the last pick of the draft went 10-0
And the last pick of the draft had a shot at taking the niners to the ****ing super bowl
And he broke his elbow
And by halftime the only other qb on the roster had a concussion
And in something unlike anything I have ever seen in my ENTIRE ****ING LIFE a conference title game was being played without a qb
After thinking about this for a few months preparing myself for this season I have decided one thing and one thing only: **** each and every last one of you
With that in mind, welcome to the 2023 NFL Season
Your contenders:
1. Kansas City Chiefs: +600
Get ****ed. **** your Kermit ass QB, **** your morbidly obese coach who can’t keep his own children alive, **** your Kermit ass QB’s brother who sounds like a sexual predator, **** your Kermit ass QB’s wife who sounds like she cucks Kermit on the regular while posting thirst traps for the gram
**** your fanbase. **** your chop that you still do in the year of our lord 2023 for reasons I will never understand. **** your city, **** your state(s). I don’t give a **** if you claim the Chiefs from Kansas or Missouri, you’re a sack of ****. I had to watch you win a super bowl because your woman beating speedster broke open on Richard Sherman who is a man I want to see choke on his own delusion until the final ounce of life leaves his body. I hate you. I will always hate you
2. Philadelphia Eagles: +800
Get your ****ing ass out of here. Josh Johnson was drawing live to beat you until he got a concussion. JOSH JOHNSON! That buffoon has played for 47 football teams in 4 years. Neat little story. **** you anyway. Always Sunny has no redeeming characters cuz everyone in Philly is a malcontent POS. You have a jail in your stadiums. Trea Turner needed to buy billboard advertising to beg you to stop sending his family death threats. The only solace I have in the 9ers losing the NFCCG is you didn’t win the Super Bowl
3. San Francisco 49ers: +1000
I ****ing hate 9er fans with a fire that burns from 20000 suns. Your average 9er fan? Calling into SPORTS TALK RADIO to say Lynch should be lynched and Kyle should be fired because blah blah blah 3 1st round picks for lance blah blah blah Jimmy was the guy who coulda won the super bowl blah blah blah. I’m stuck sitting here rooting for a team whose best player is a Proud Boy. Our QB is from Iowa by way of Arizona so I already know before he opens his mouth he’s right there with Bosa. I visited Levis last year to watch the Rams game and somehow ended up in some insane wind tunnel directly underneath the pathway for where planes land in San Jose international 5 miles away. I was also watching a game in the parking lot of an amusement park for $400/ticket + $60 for a beer and chicken tenders. **** my ****ing life
4. Cincinnati Bengals: +1100
You dipshits give Paul Brown your hard earned money of which you have none. ****ing simps. Skyline chili is the stupidest **** I have ever heard of. You fat ****s sit at the alter of Joe Burrow despite the fact that he’s basically Boomer Esiason with a cigar. Have fun with that. You’re about to make him the highest paid NFL player of all time and there’s a 50/50 chance he’ll have some sort of leg injury that knocks him out for the next 7 seasons.
Also I drafted Chase last year and he was ****. So **** him. **** you too
5. Dallas Cowboys: +1500
Give me a second here….
I hate every single human being associated with this franchise and nothing gets my cock harder than knowing they have spent the last 2 years watching this team lose to the 9ers in the playoffs in the stupidest way imaginable BOTH ****ING TIMES! I have no sympathy for you. I go to sleep every night hoping Jerry Jones dies and wake up every morning furious he hasn’t. You employ Mike McCarthy. You pay some “mental health day” snowflake named Dakota an ungodly sum of money to win never. Micah Parsons gives heavy Clayton Bigsby vibes only Micah knows he’s black.
And the fans of this franchise?
Holy **** you ****ing loser ass dipshits in your loser ass city and your bumass state. If there was a just and loving god Texas would be ethered from existence and we wouldn’t have to pretend you how bout dem cowboy hicks have anything to say that we need to listen to. I will take a personal day when Jimmy Johnson dies to spend it all masturbating
6-32. Who gives a living ****
**** the Jets. Congrats on landing the immunized one. Can’t wait til you turn on him
**** the Ravens. You paid Lamar. Enjoy watching him do nothing
**** the Dolphins. I’m not certain Tua isn’t braindead as of this post
**** all of you. Let us football
I got out of the coach predicting business when Billy Donovan didn't take the UK job when Tubby resigned, having worked for Pitino there and coming off back-to-back NCAA Championships at Florida and losing basically the whole nucleus. I would have gladly shoved and borrowed whatever I could. Didn't happen.
My guess is Kraft takes Vrabel and decidedly not Mayo ... between those two I'd lay a price. I have no idea who else is on his drawing board. And no clue who will fill any of the jobs, pro or college. I will have strong opinions once I see the hires as to whether they will succeed. Harbaugh and Belichick the biggest mysteries as to where they land.
Pretty interesting last couple days. There's what, 7 or 8 teams looking for HC?
WAS, ATL, CAR, LAC, NE, SEA, TEN? Missing anyone?
Any playoff teams that could fire their coach ?
- Tomlin and Pittsburgh may decide to mutually part ways
- Sean McDermott could get fired from the Bills if they lose to Pittsburgh or possibly if they got blown out at home in the divisional round
-Nick Sirianni is gone if he loses to Tampa Bay
- Would Dallas consider parting ways with Mike McCarthy if they lost to Green Bay?
Fat Mike definitely getting fired if they lose to GB.
I supposed it’s possible Tomlin/Pitt decide to part ways.
McDermott could definitely go with an early exit.
Unless the Eagles players truly have turned on Nick, I’d be shocked if he’s fired, even if they lose to the Bucs.
I think Cleveland would stay committed to Stefanski for at least one more season, even if they lose this weekend.
The announcement is also not accurate.
The game isn't exclusively on a streaming service worldwide. Not only is it on broadcast TV in the KC/Miami markets but also on regular TV in other countries (I checked the TV schedule in Germany)
My guess is Kraft takes Vrabel and decidedly not Mayo ... between those two I'd lay a price. I have no idea who else is on his drawing board. And no clue who will fill any of the jobs, pro or college. I will have strong opinions once I see the hires as to whether they will succeed. Harbaugh and Belichick the biggest mysteries as to where they land.
Ian Rapoport reporting that Mayo's contract has a stipulation that he's the next Head Coach.
That doesn't mean it's a lock but it means that if they do choose to go with him, they won't need to satisfy Rooney Rule and other procedural requirements.
if it was me, I'd want to appoint a GM first and make a dual commitment to GM/HC but that wouldn't be possible if they go with Mayo
Alright so whoever wrote Saltburn needs to be locked up and removed from society at all costs
Meh. It’s a media award.
I don’t think Stefanski is anything special. I don’t think him and Deshaun are a good fit.
I mean they definitely aren’t a good fit but I think if anything has been made clear it’s that Deshaun got his money and he is not interested in trying
I don’t think there’s a coach who is going to magically unlock the guy
Harbaugh to Chargers IMO
god i feel for herbert
2016 Helfrich
2017 Taggart
2018-19 Cristobal
2020 Lynn
2021-23 Staley
The announcement is also not accurate.
The game isn't exclusively on a streaming service worldwide. Not only is it on broadcast TV in the KC/Miami markets but also on regular TV in other countries (I checked the TV schedule in Germany)
I checked the listings in Miami, and NBC doesn't have the game.
As a Cowboys fan I'd kinda hope so, but this is the owner that just let Jason ****ing Garrett stick around long enough to become the second-longest tenured coach after Landry, lol. Do we think JJ is going back to the quick trigger?
As a Cowboys fan I'd kinda hope so, but this is the owner that just let Jason ****ing Garrett stick around long enough to become the second-longest tenured coach after Landry, lol. Do we think JJ is going back to the quick trigger?
36-15 reg season record over the past 3 years. It would be harsh.
Jerry has an ego tho and maybe he thinks the success is all on his roster and that someone else is needed to get them over the top? But yeah, you’re right that he stuck with a way less successful coach for longer
What does channel 6 show you for Saturday 8PM?
TitanTV shows me Dolphins @ Chiefs for the Miami / Ft. Lauderdale area. It's 100% on the local NBC affiliate in Kansas City, KSHB 41. They've been non-stop showing ads for it since SNF last Sunday.
