2023 NFL Regular Season
As a niners fan I have spent this entire offseason in a silent rage
The last 20 years of being a niners fan has been an agony unlike any any franchise has ever come across. You can sit there and bemoan being a browns fan or a lions fan or blah blah blah **** you. The reality is in this period of time has blueballed no fanbase more than us *******s.
I sat through Mike Nolan. I sat through Smith over Rodgers. I sat through Mike ****ing god damned cockbreath Singletary. And then…
2011: Kyle Williams single handedly loses the NFCCG by botching returns not once but ****ing twice against the shittiest super bowl champion history has ever seen
2012: Turtle****er has no concept for the play clock and somehow someway I have to sit there and watch Joe Flacco become a super bowl champion
2013: Richard Sherman goes full WWE promo because he tips away a potential game winner in the NFCCG
2014-2017: because of the shittiest GM who has ever breathed air (needle can attest), I end up with 3 years of watching Chip Kelly and something called a Jim Tomsula coach this team into nothingness
2018: thinking he is so ****ing smart that he can trade for someone and flip him later, Lynch trades a 2nd for Jimmy mother****ing Womp
2019: 10 point lead in the 4th quarter of the Super Bowl? Watch me work
2020: lol
2021: 10 point lead in the 4th quarter of the NFCCG? Watch me work
Which brings us to last year. Somehow, despite everything that happened for TWENTY ****ING YEARS this cut deepest. This wasn’t even fair. I thought I was done with Jimmy. I wasn’t. The guy we traded 3 1sts for went down for the year and we ended up with him long enough for him to be such a fiasco he lost to Denver by Orlovskying before going down for the year and letting the last pick of the draft be the qb
And the last pick of the draft went 10-0
And the last pick of the draft had a shot at taking the niners to the ****ing super bowl
And he broke his elbow
And by halftime the only other qb on the roster had a concussion
And in something unlike anything I have ever seen in my ENTIRE ****ING LIFE a conference title game was being played without a qb
After thinking about this for a few months preparing myself for this season I have decided one thing and one thing only: **** each and every last one of you
With that in mind, welcome to the 2023 NFL Season
Your contenders:
1. Kansas City Chiefs: +600
Get ****ed. **** your Kermit ass QB, **** your morbidly obese coach who can’t keep his own children alive, **** your Kermit ass QB’s brother who sounds like a sexual predator, **** your Kermit ass QB’s wife who sounds like she cucks Kermit on the regular while posting thirst traps for the gram
**** your fanbase. **** your chop that you still do in the year of our lord 2023 for reasons I will never understand. **** your city, **** your state(s). I don’t give a **** if you claim the Chiefs from Kansas or Missouri, you’re a sack of ****. I had to watch you win a super bowl because your woman beating speedster broke open on Richard Sherman who is a man I want to see choke on his own delusion until the final ounce of life leaves his body. I hate you. I will always hate you
2. Philadelphia Eagles: +800
Get your ****ing ass out of here. Josh Johnson was drawing live to beat you until he got a concussion. JOSH JOHNSON! That buffoon has played for 47 football teams in 4 years. Neat little story. **** you anyway. Always Sunny has no redeeming characters cuz everyone in Philly is a malcontent POS. You have a jail in your stadiums. Trea Turner needed to buy billboard advertising to beg you to stop sending his family death threats. The only solace I have in the 9ers losing the NFCCG is you didn’t win the Super Bowl
3. San Francisco 49ers: +1000
I ****ing hate 9er fans with a fire that burns from 20000 suns. Your average 9er fan? Calling into SPORTS TALK RADIO to say Lynch should be lynched and Kyle should be fired because blah blah blah 3 1st round picks for lance blah blah blah Jimmy was the guy who coulda won the super bowl blah blah blah. I’m stuck sitting here rooting for a team whose best player is a Proud Boy. Our QB is from Iowa by way of Arizona so I already know before he opens his mouth he’s right there with Bosa. I visited Levis last year to watch the Rams game and somehow ended up in some insane wind tunnel directly underneath the pathway for where planes land in San Jose international 5 miles away. I was also watching a game in the parking lot of an amusement park for $400/ticket + $60 for a beer and chicken tenders. **** my ****ing life
4. Cincinnati Bengals: +1100
You dipshits give Paul Brown your hard earned money of which you have none. ****ing simps. Skyline chili is the stupidest **** I have ever heard of. You fat ****s sit at the alter of Joe Burrow despite the fact that he’s basically Boomer Esiason with a cigar. Have fun with that. You’re about to make him the highest paid NFL player of all time and there’s a 50/50 chance he’ll have some sort of leg injury that knocks him out for the next 7 seasons.
Also I drafted Chase last year and he was ****. So **** him. **** you too
5. Dallas Cowboys: +1500
Give me a second here….
I hate every single human being associated with this franchise and nothing gets my cock harder than knowing they have spent the last 2 years watching this team lose to the 9ers in the playoffs in the stupidest way imaginable BOTH ****ING TIMES! I have no sympathy for you. I go to sleep every night hoping Jerry Jones dies and wake up every morning furious he hasn’t. You employ Mike McCarthy. You pay some “mental health day” snowflake named Dakota an ungodly sum of money to win never. Micah Parsons gives heavy Clayton Bigsby vibes only Micah knows he’s black.
And the fans of this franchise?
Holy **** you ****ing loser ass dipshits in your loser ass city and your bumass state. If there was a just and loving god Texas would be ethered from existence and we wouldn’t have to pretend you how bout dem cowboy hicks have anything to say that we need to listen to. I will take a personal day when Jimmy Johnson dies to spend it all masturbating
6-32. Who gives a living ****
**** the Jets. Congrats on landing the immunized one. Can’t wait til you turn on him
**** the Ravens. You paid Lamar. Enjoy watching him do nothing
**** the Dolphins. I’m not certain Tua isn’t braindead as of this post
**** all of you. Let us football
Fun fact - ESPN actually remove games from their all time best QBR games lists because it's such a terrible metric. Charlie Batch going 12/17 for 186 yards,..., mysteriously not on the list.
With that out of the way Jordan Love is winning eight Super Bowls
Woke up this morning to discover that Fat Mike is still the head coach of the Cowboys.
Not complaining, as I would like Fat Mike to remain head coach for at least 10 more years. Maybe Jerruh isn't allowed out of his hyperbaric chamber until after 10:00 am.
Did not see that coming. Earlier, I'd told some friends I expected GB to hang in there until 2nd half, and Dallas to pull away.
Early in the game, it reminded me of the year the Rodgers/Fat Mike Packers won the SB. First round, as the lowest seed, they went into Atlanta and ran them out of the building. Over at halftime (in fact, the last play of the 1st half was a pick-six return). Yesterday's wasn't that bad, but wow.
I guess the pass with ~2:30 left was a homage to Fat Mike (as opposed to running, letting the clock run down to 2:00, then punting to Dallas, giving them ~1:53 instead of 2:20)?
Fully expect CMC and those guys to take care of GB next weekend. I'll be traveling and won't have to experience the pain.
Fun fact - ESPN actually remove games from their all time best QBR games lists because it's such a terrible metric. Charlie Batch going 12/17 for 186 yards,..., mysteriously not on the list.
With that out of the way Jordan Love is winning eight Super Bowls
I thought I read somewhere that the minimum number of passes attempted was 20 to qualify.
GB looked GOOOOOOD. I’m doing my best to not get too excited. I kept trying to remember that we are the 7 seed for a reason, we don’t get to play against fatmike again, we don’t get to play against dak again, our offense and defense aren’t as good as they looked yesterday.
SF -9.5 and that doesn’t seem like enough.
I guess the pass with ~2:30 left was a homage to Fat Mike (as opposed to running, letting the clock run down to 2:00, then punting to Dallas, giving them ~1:53 instead of 2:20)?
I belive GB knew the game was over but was trying to give dal a chance to make it appear closer to make sure fatmike didn’t lose his job - dal would be scary with a good coach.
Woke up this morning to discover that Fat Mike is still the head coach of the Cowboys.
Not complaining, as I would like Fat Mike to remain head coach for at least 10 more years. Maybe Jerruh isn't allowed out of his hyperbaric chamber until after 10:00 am.
Talking heads on the radio in Dallas were talking odds of who the next head coach would be if Fat Mike gets fired. At 33-1 was Dion Sanders.
Oh sweet baby 8 lb. Jesus with your little curled up fists, PLEASE make this happen. 🙏
From Yahoo Sports:
The Kansas City Chiefs’ 26-7 win over the Miami Dolphins in their wild-card matchup at Arrowhead Stadium was the most streamed live event in U.S. history.
NBC said the game, which was streamed exclusively on Peacock, drew an average of about 23 million viewers Saturday night. It reached about 27.6 million viewers in total and peaked at more than 24.6 million in the second quarter. Saturday was also Peacock’s largest day in the service’s history. It set a record with 16.3 million concurrent devices streaming.
Looks like a huge W for Peacock. I think they paid $110mil for that game? Also almost guarantees that streaming exclusive playoff games are here to stay.
Apparently the NFL is in advanced talks to buy a stake in ESPN and fold all their digital content in there ahead of the launch of ESPN as a standalone streaming service in 2025. Let's see where that goes.
I think KC has a get right spot against Miami basically off a bye, their D is decimated and Bills really should've been able to hang 30+ easy last night
could even see kelce having some juice with some time off, don't really see waddle being close to 100% either
rams +3.5 my main bet though, could see them winning outright with coach/QB edge, could see lions playing a little tight with the pressure on them now as well. No longer the lovable u
come with me if you want to live, just saying
Yes, the NFL would buy a stake in ESPN from Disney. Based on the report in The Athletic good samaritan Rodger Goodell already emailed NFL Network employees about a "a voluntary program to help some employees transition from the NFL to their next job."
Disney is bleeding money on so many things it wouldn’t shock me if they’re down for it
I dont see how espn even makes money anymore. with social media I see every big play without espn...
I think getting strategic partners would make it less likely for Disney to spin off ESPN because that helps their standalone plans.
They certainly want to get rid of their legacy offerings like ABC. Without any partners ESPN might fall in the same category.
Talking heads on the radio in Dallas were talking odds of who the next head coach would be if Fat Mike gets fired. At 33-1 was Dion Sanders.
lol there is 0% of this happening, at least this year.
otoh, there are rumors in Coach Prime land that Mike Tomlin will become the Buffs DC after the Stealers lose today. I'm 100% serious.
lol there is 0% of this happening, at least this year.
otoh, there are rumors in Coach Prime land that Mike Tomlin will become the Buffs DC after the Stealers lose today. I'm 100% serious.
I know. I just think it would be insanely entertaining for Jerry to bring a new clown to town and join his circus. Jerry is on record saying he doesn't care what people say about him or the team, as long as they are talking about him or the team. And that would definitely get them talking.
nooooo
You knew it was inevitable.
HOU 46
BAL -8.5
KC 46
BUF -2.5
lol there is 0% of this happening, at least this year.
otoh, there are rumors in Coach Prime land that Mike Tomlin will become the Buffs DC after the Stealers lose today. I'm 100% serious.
well Colorado is MID and Mike Tomlin is MID so that might work out for everyone.
The Steelers are in their Andy Dalton era and I'm going to revel in it for as long as it lasts. #FTS
I harbor no ill will against the ravens (other than the obvious) but +8.5 looks sexy as hell
If the eagles lose just how fast do they try to make Harbaugh the coach out from under the chargers?
