2023 NFL Regular Season
As a niners fan I have spent this entire offseason in a silent rage
The last 20 years of being a niners fan has been an agony unlike any any franchise has ever come across. You can sit there and bemoan being a browns fan or a lions fan or blah blah blah **** you. The reality is in this period of time has blueballed no fanbase more than us *******s.
I sat through Mike Nolan. I sat through Smith over Rodgers. I sat through Mike ****ing god damned cockbreath Singletary. And then…
2011: Kyle Williams single handedly loses the NFCCG by botching returns not once but ****ing twice against the shittiest super bowl champion history has ever seen
2012: Turtle****er has no concept for the play clock and somehow someway I have to sit there and watch Joe Flacco become a super bowl champion
2013: Richard Sherman goes full WWE promo because he tips away a potential game winner in the NFCCG
2014-2017: because of the shittiest GM who has ever breathed air (needle can attest), I end up with 3 years of watching Chip Kelly and something called a Jim Tomsula coach this team into nothingness
2018: thinking he is so ****ing smart that he can trade for someone and flip him later, Lynch trades a 2nd for Jimmy mother****ing Womp
2019: 10 point lead in the 4th quarter of the Super Bowl? Watch me work
2020: lol
2021: 10 point lead in the 4th quarter of the NFCCG? Watch me work
Which brings us to last year. Somehow, despite everything that happened for TWENTY ****ING YEARS this cut deepest. This wasn’t even fair. I thought I was done with Jimmy. I wasn’t. The guy we traded 3 1sts for went down for the year and we ended up with him long enough for him to be such a fiasco he lost to Denver by Orlovskying before going down for the year and letting the last pick of the draft be the qb
And the last pick of the draft went 10-0
And the last pick of the draft had a shot at taking the niners to the ****ing super bowl
And he broke his elbow
And by halftime the only other qb on the roster had a concussion
And in something unlike anything I have ever seen in my ENTIRE ****ING LIFE a conference title game was being played without a qb
After thinking about this for a few months preparing myself for this season I have decided one thing and one thing only: **** each and every last one of you
With that in mind, welcome to the 2023 NFL Season
Your contenders:
1. Kansas City Chiefs: +600
Get ****ed. **** your Kermit ass QB, **** your morbidly obese coach who can’t keep his own children alive, **** your Kermit ass QB’s brother who sounds like a sexual predator, **** your Kermit ass QB’s wife who sounds like she cucks Kermit on the regular while posting thirst traps for the gram
**** your fanbase. **** your chop that you still do in the year of our lord 2023 for reasons I will never understand. **** your city, **** your state(s). I don’t give a **** if you claim the Chiefs from Kansas or Missouri, you’re a sack of ****. I had to watch you win a super bowl because your woman beating speedster broke open on Richard Sherman who is a man I want to see choke on his own delusion until the final ounce of life leaves his body. I hate you. I will always hate you
2. Philadelphia Eagles: +800
Get your ****ing ass out of here. Josh Johnson was drawing live to beat you until he got a concussion. JOSH JOHNSON! That buffoon has played for 47 football teams in 4 years. Neat little story. **** you anyway. Always Sunny has no redeeming characters cuz everyone in Philly is a malcontent POS. You have a jail in your stadiums. Trea Turner needed to buy billboard advertising to beg you to stop sending his family death threats. The only solace I have in the 9ers losing the NFCCG is you didn’t win the Super Bowl
3. San Francisco 49ers: +1000
I ****ing hate 9er fans with a fire that burns from 20000 suns. Your average 9er fan? Calling into SPORTS TALK RADIO to say Lynch should be lynched and Kyle should be fired because blah blah blah 3 1st round picks for lance blah blah blah Jimmy was the guy who coulda won the super bowl blah blah blah. I’m stuck sitting here rooting for a team whose best player is a Proud Boy. Our QB is from Iowa by way of Arizona so I already know before he opens his mouth he’s right there with Bosa. I visited Levis last year to watch the Rams game and somehow ended up in some insane wind tunnel directly underneath the pathway for where planes land in San Jose international 5 miles away. I was also watching a game in the parking lot of an amusement park for $400/ticket + $60 for a beer and chicken tenders. **** my ****ing life
4. Cincinnati Bengals: +1100
You dipshits give Paul Brown your hard earned money of which you have none. ****ing simps. Skyline chili is the stupidest **** I have ever heard of. You fat ****s sit at the alter of Joe Burrow despite the fact that he’s basically Boomer Esiason with a cigar. Have fun with that. You’re about to make him the highest paid NFL player of all time and there’s a 50/50 chance he’ll have some sort of leg injury that knocks him out for the next 7 seasons.
Also I drafted Chase last year and he was ****. So **** him. **** you too
5. Dallas Cowboys: +1500
Give me a second here….
I hate every single human being associated with this franchise and nothing gets my cock harder than knowing they have spent the last 2 years watching this team lose to the 9ers in the playoffs in the stupidest way imaginable BOTH ****ING TIMES! I have no sympathy for you. I go to sleep every night hoping Jerry Jones dies and wake up every morning furious he hasn’t. You employ Mike McCarthy. You pay some “mental health day” snowflake named Dakota an ungodly sum of money to win never. Micah Parsons gives heavy Clayton Bigsby vibes only Micah knows he’s black.
And the fans of this franchise?
Holy **** you ****ing loser ass dipshits in your loser ass city and your bumass state. If there was a just and loving god Texas would be ethered from existence and we wouldn’t have to pretend you how bout dem cowboy hicks have anything to say that we need to listen to. I will take a personal day when Jimmy Johnson dies to spend it all masturbating
6-32. Who gives a living ****
**** the Jets. Congrats on landing the immunized one. Can’t wait til you turn on him
**** the Ravens. You paid Lamar. Enjoy watching him do nothing
**** the Dolphins. I’m not certain Tua isn’t braindead as of this post
**** all of you. Let us football
I know there are a lot of Brock Purdy haters here - you guys were very noisy in the few days after the Ravens game.
I was wondering if this might be a good time for you guys to repeat your arguments about why he's trash. It's easy to do it at the bottom but if you really believe that stuff, you should also be willing to say it now. And next week after he wins the NFFCCG And on February 11th when he wins the Super Bowl. Don't be cowards, let'
I haven’t been a hater, but I’m also not sure this is time for a victory lap.
I was just coming in to say that he was not good today, missing 4 or 5 open targets really quite badly. But he really pulled it out and played well on that final drive and that’s to his credit. And he was also let down by some bad drops
Also to his credit was that he has guts - he really stood in the pocket and took some hits
I would give him somewhere between a B and a B+ overall for today.
I know there are a lot of Brock Purdy haters here - you guys were very noisy in the few days after the Ravens game.
I was wondering if this might be a good time for you guys to repeat your arguments about why he's trash. It's easy to do it at the bottom but if you really believe that stuff, you should also be willing to say it now. And next week after he wins the NFFCCG And on February 11th when he wins the Super Bowl. Don't be cowards, let'
pretty sure you're a troll, but just in case: he was clearly trash.
Purdy was objectively terrible, and got away with the easiest dropped pick six ever. And I spent the entire game besides the kittle td pass cursing his name to my friends and referring to him as Stupid Smiff
BUT
The biggest knock against him is he can’t do **** from behind. And with the literal season hanging in the balance he delivered in the end
He at least has to get credit for that. Whatever else, that final drive was impressive, even if he’s the biggest reason they were playing from behind
edit: 6/7 on the final drive and the only incompletion was the kittle drop
Was it just me or did the reffs in HOU/BAL place the ball on average a yard short on every HOU play short of 1st down in the 1st half?
Not sure if troll. More likely 1 eyed irrational fan with clear inability to balance his range
I already regret writing an impartial response
I'm probably irrational in my support of my team, as are most fans.
But this wasn't about my team. It was people only being willing to say what they believe when the moment makes them feel safe.
If you think Brock Purdy blows, you're entitled to that opinion. But you're a coward if you're only willing to speak on it when he has a bad game or loses. If the Packers had won that game this would be a Purdy hater circlejerk of epic proportions.
I'm probably irrational in my support of my team, as are most fans.
But this wasn't about my team. It was people only being willing to say what they believe when the moment makes them feel safe.
If you think Brock Purdy blows, you're entitled to that opinion. But you're a coward if you're only willing to speak on it when he has a bad game or loses. If the Packers had won that game this would be a Purdy hater circlejerk of epic proportions.
did you read my perspective ?
purdy had 6.5 ypa with 1 TD to a wide open kittle with what should've been 2 automatic INTs (at least one a pick 6) inexplicably dropped, 2.6 xINTs overall. that one throw to i dk who (jennings maybe?) was the closest thing to greatness, but also razor thin edge between brilliance and another INT. looked shook every time he dropped back and clearly had issues with any amount of precipitation on his hand. in short, a legend.
Purdy was objectively terrible, and got away with the easiest dropped pick six ever. And I spent the entire game besides the kittle td pass cursing his name to my friends and referring to him as Stupid Smiff
BUT
The biggest knock against him is he can’t do **** from behind. And with the literal season hanging in the balance he delivered in the end
He at least has to get credit for that. Whatever else, that final drive was impressive, eve
ya this is what i mean. here is a purdy hater who hates on purdy 17 weeks of the season, every playoff game and during the bi week. he'll probably hate on him during the pro bowl. the niners could go 17-0 and he'd still hate on purdy every opportunity he found.
purdy haters should be more like this.
wait, you think i'm a purdy hater? lol
you wild, my guy
ya this is what i mean. here is a purdy hater who hates on purdy 17 weeks of the season, every playoff game and during the bi week. he'll probably hate on him during the pro bowl. the niners could go 17-0 and he'd still hate on purdy every opportunity he found.
purdy haters should be more like this.
He’s a one eyed 49ers fan who loves Bork
There was a lot of skepticism or outright criticism aimed his way earlier in the season suggesting he hasn't really faced adversity or come through in a clutch moment, he's done that now albeit his overall play was pretty meh at best.
It's just a lose lose situation - if it's a beatdown the refrain is 'oh well let's see him do it in a high leverage/pressure situation', when he does it in a high leverage situation 'well it's his fault it was close to begin with'. Shanahan now 1-30 down by 5+ in the 4th quarter
The future seems bright for the two losing teams from today. No guarantees but they both looked like they’re on the up
Texans in particular with so many great rookies and hug cap space. Albeit they actually have a lot of mid tier vets on 1yr deals or the last year of their deal so they’ve got a lot of roster spots to fill
The future seems bright for the two losing teams from today. No guarantees but they both looked like they’re on the up
Texans in particular with so many great rookies and hug cap space. Albeit they actually have a lot of mid tier vets on 1yr deals or the last year of their deal so they’ve got a lot of roster spots to fill
Texans were never supposed to be there with a 1st year QB and 1st year head coach. Their future is BRIGHT! Packers also a surprise playoff team and they finished extremely well down the stretch. Pretty favorable future for them too.
any thoughts on deebo status? credit to purdy for the final drive but man their offense starts looking ordinary pretty fast without him
For him to not attempt to go back out there in a close playoff game tells me that it’s probably on the more serious side.
Ethbtc is just the 9ers version of Dom
Maybe he only saw the second half of the game.
When the movie is made about the Lions historic run at winning the Super Bowl, I'm guessing Ryan Gosling plays the part of Jared Goff.
