2023 NFL Regular Season
As a niners fan I have spent this entire offseason in a silent rage
The last 20 years of being a niners fan has been an agony unlike any any franchise has ever come across. You can sit there and bemoan being a browns fan or a lions fan or blah blah blah **** you. The reality is in this period of time has blueballed no fanbase more than us *******s.
I sat through Mike Nolan. I sat through Smith over Rodgers. I sat through Mike ****ing god damned cockbreath Singletary. And then…
2011: Kyle Williams single handedly loses the NFCCG by botching returns not once but ****ing twice against the shittiest super bowl champion history has ever seen
2012: Turtle****er has no concept for the play clock and somehow someway I have to sit there and watch Joe Flacco become a super bowl champion
2013: Richard Sherman goes full WWE promo because he tips away a potential game winner in the NFCCG
2014-2017: because of the shittiest GM who has ever breathed air (needle can attest), I end up with 3 years of watching Chip Kelly and something called a Jim Tomsula coach this team into nothingness
2018: thinking he is so ****ing smart that he can trade for someone and flip him later, Lynch trades a 2nd for Jimmy mother****ing Womp
2019: 10 point lead in the 4th quarter of the Super Bowl? Watch me work
2020: lol
2021: 10 point lead in the 4th quarter of the NFCCG? Watch me work
Which brings us to last year. Somehow, despite everything that happened for TWENTY ****ING YEARS this cut deepest. This wasn’t even fair. I thought I was done with Jimmy. I wasn’t. The guy we traded 3 1sts for went down for the year and we ended up with him long enough for him to be such a fiasco he lost to Denver by Orlovskying before going down for the year and letting the last pick of the draft be the qb
And the last pick of the draft went 10-0
And the last pick of the draft had a shot at taking the niners to the ****ing super bowl
And he broke his elbow
And by halftime the only other qb on the roster had a concussion
And in something unlike anything I have ever seen in my ENTIRE ****ING LIFE a conference title game was being played without a qb
After thinking about this for a few months preparing myself for this season I have decided one thing and one thing only: **** each and every last one of you
With that in mind, welcome to the 2023 NFL Season
Your contenders:
1. Kansas City Chiefs: +600
Get ****ed. **** your Kermit ass QB, **** your morbidly obese coach who can’t keep his own children alive, **** your Kermit ass QB’s brother who sounds like a sexual predator, **** your Kermit ass QB’s wife who sounds like she cucks Kermit on the regular while posting thirst traps for the gram
**** your fanbase. **** your chop that you still do in the year of our lord 2023 for reasons I will never understand. **** your city, **** your state(s). I don’t give a **** if you claim the Chiefs from Kansas or Missouri, you’re a sack of ****. I had to watch you win a super bowl because your woman beating speedster broke open on Richard Sherman who is a man I want to see choke on his own delusion until the final ounce of life leaves his body. I hate you. I will always hate you
2. Philadelphia Eagles: +800
Get your ****ing ass out of here. Josh Johnson was drawing live to beat you until he got a concussion. JOSH JOHNSON! That buffoon has played for 47 football teams in 4 years. Neat little story. **** you anyway. Always Sunny has no redeeming characters cuz everyone in Philly is a malcontent POS. You have a jail in your stadiums. Trea Turner needed to buy billboard advertising to beg you to stop sending his family death threats. The only solace I have in the 9ers losing the NFCCG is you didn’t win the Super Bowl
3. San Francisco 49ers: +1000
I ****ing hate 9er fans with a fire that burns from 20000 suns. Your average 9er fan? Calling into SPORTS TALK RADIO to say Lynch should be lynched and Kyle should be fired because blah blah blah 3 1st round picks for lance blah blah blah Jimmy was the guy who coulda won the super bowl blah blah blah. I’m stuck sitting here rooting for a team whose best player is a Proud Boy. Our QB is from Iowa by way of Arizona so I already know before he opens his mouth he’s right there with Bosa. I visited Levis last year to watch the Rams game and somehow ended up in some insane wind tunnel directly underneath the pathway for where planes land in San Jose international 5 miles away. I was also watching a game in the parking lot of an amusement park for $400/ticket + $60 for a beer and chicken tenders. **** my ****ing life
4. Cincinnati Bengals: +1100
You dipshits give Paul Brown your hard earned money of which you have none. ****ing simps. Skyline chili is the stupidest **** I have ever heard of. You fat ****s sit at the alter of Joe Burrow despite the fact that he’s basically Boomer Esiason with a cigar. Have fun with that. You’re about to make him the highest paid NFL player of all time and there’s a 50/50 chance he’ll have some sort of leg injury that knocks him out for the next 7 seasons.
Also I drafted Chase last year and he was ****. So **** him. **** you too
5. Dallas Cowboys: +1500
Give me a second here….
I hate every single human being associated with this franchise and nothing gets my cock harder than knowing they have spent the last 2 years watching this team lose to the 9ers in the playoffs in the stupidest way imaginable BOTH ****ING TIMES! I have no sympathy for you. I go to sleep every night hoping Jerry Jones dies and wake up every morning furious he hasn’t. You employ Mike McCarthy. You pay some “mental health day” snowflake named Dakota an ungodly sum of money to win never. Micah Parsons gives heavy Clayton Bigsby vibes only Micah knows he’s black.
And the fans of this franchise?
Holy **** you ****ing loser ass dipshits in your loser ass city and your bumass state. If there was a just and loving god Texas would be ethered from existence and we wouldn’t have to pretend you how bout dem cowboy hicks have anything to say that we need to listen to. I will take a personal day when Jimmy Johnson dies to spend it all masturbating
6-32. Who gives a living ****
**** the Jets. Congrats on landing the immunized one. Can’t wait til you turn on him
**** the Ravens. You paid Lamar. Enjoy watching him do nothing
**** the Dolphins. I’m not certain Tua isn’t braindead as of this post
**** all of you. Let us football
Yeah, but your views are largely just mischaracterizations of others' views
Stop whining
Maybe some people don't feel it's necessary to up their post count each day to point out the obvious.
But if you insist.
Brock Purdy sucks
imagine having strong opinions about a football player, in a thread about football - and not being willing to share them unless a bunch of other people are saying the same thing.
imagine being like that about anything.
i can't imagine that. if someone doesn't like my views thats too bad, i'm going to say them. and i'm demonstrating that right now.
Congrats! You’re going on block
I’m just gonna say it, Costco combination pizza is the best
In terms of quality obviously it’s nothing special but I will take that over LC, Pizza Hut, papa John’s, dominos any day of the week
Utterly massive. Cheap. It won’t rock your world but it’ll never be bad
Is this from the deli area? The pizzas from the food area are way better, they have decent rise and good chew.
Is this from the deli area? The pizzas from the food area are way better, they have decent rise and good chew.
From the food area
My literal childhood
Parents would get 1 combo and 1 veggie for like $20 combined during our weekly Costco runs and that **** would be every meal for the next 2 weeks
He's Colt McCoy.
Should've been drafted in the third to fourth round, not the seventh or undrafted. He's a bridge qb that's going to struggle to stay healthy but his skillset gels with great weapons.
Kellen Moore started two games in the NFL and one of them he was 33-48 for 435 with a couple TDs. Numbers are just that. "There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics." If you can't see who Purdy is in a vacuum that's on you.
I like him and think he's a gamer tho. Prove me wrong and let's see the longevity.
Case Keenum too
He's Colt McCoy.
Should've been drafted in the third to fourth round, not the seventh or undrafted. He's a bridge qb that's going to struggle to stay healthy but his skillset gels with great weapons.
Kellen Moore started two games in the NFL and one of them he was 33-48 for 435 with a couple TDs. Numbers are just that. "There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics." If you can't see who Purdy is in a vacuum that's on yo
I think this is a reasonable but also slightly extreme take. I'm on the side that he's a bit more legit than this. We have more than a full season worth of tape on him and he's played pretty damn good.
In the context of the last 100 posts this is going to sound ultrahomer which I don’t mean it to
Bork is inarguably an upgrade over Womp. So unless you’re calling Womp a Keenum/mccoy (or worse) level player that comparison to Bork is objectively wrong
His ceiling appears to be smiff with a better arm. His floor appears to be favre with a much worse arm. He’s drawing live to be anywhere in between
It’s technically possible but unlikely that he turns into an elite qb. I think he’s certainly better than average right now and he is only 24. I’d sure as **** rather have him than say, Daniel Jones even if both were making the same amount of money
He was graded incorrectly, should have been drafted considerably sooner, Niners profited, I can easily see how anyone who isn’t a Niners fan is sick of hearing about him and wants him to fail
i'd say a good comp for brock right now is kurt warner
right place, right time, right team around him but most people rate warner higher than i do
kurt warner!? he's not even marc bulger. he's jamie martin
i'd put womp ~= keenum/mccoy
agree bork > womp
barring injury he risk has a higher ceiling given age and lack of experience. he's exactly what the niners need as a $4M qb playing at a $25-30M level
suspect he'll look better this weekend presuming no rain and facing what i perceive to be a poor lions secondary. maybe hutchison makes things interesting, who knows.
also suspect he'll look mediocre against either afc team in the sb, particularly baltimore (as he did last month)
it's funny how randomness factors into player legacies... if packer dbs caught either (much less both) of the two interceptions that hit them square in the chest we'd all be discussing whether niners need to go qb shopping this offseason
luckily we have ethbtc to keep us honest and remind us he's the greatest
From the food area
My literal childhood
Parents would get 1 combo and 1 veggie for like $20 combined during our weekly Costco runs and that **** would be every meal for the next 2 weeks
so by the end of the year your family had acquired over fifty leftover pizzas
happen to grow up in a homeless shelter?
Im not here to be judged by the likes of you
THEY BEAT ME TO DEATH WITH A BAT!
apparently the only thing that died was your brain
yet the spirit lives on
SO I ROBBED A BANK!
did you see the ravens game? he looks like that a lot
random ass dude with the best weapons
Did you see all the other games? He really doesn't.
But it's nice to see some of you haters poke your heads out from under those rocks. I'm not going to destroy you with facts - like that he led the league in pretty much everything.
