2023 NFL Regular Season
As a niners fan I have spent this entire offseason in a silent rage
The last 20 years of being a niners fan has been an agony unlike any any franchise has ever come across. You can sit there and bemoan being a browns fan or a lions fan or blah blah blah **** you. The reality is in this period of time has blueballed no fanbase more than us *******s.
I sat through Mike Nolan. I sat through Smith over Rodgers. I sat through Mike ****ing god damned cockbreath Singletary. And then…
2011: Kyle Williams single handedly loses the NFCCG by botching returns not once but ****ing twice against the shittiest super bowl champion history has ever seen
2012: Turtle****er has no concept for the play clock and somehow someway I have to sit there and watch Joe Flacco become a super bowl champion
2013: Richard Sherman goes full WWE promo because he tips away a potential game winner in the NFCCG
2014-2017: because of the shittiest GM who has ever breathed air (needle can attest), I end up with 3 years of watching Chip Kelly and something called a Jim Tomsula coach this team into nothingness
2018: thinking he is so ****ing smart that he can trade for someone and flip him later, Lynch trades a 2nd for Jimmy mother****ing Womp
2019: 10 point lead in the 4th quarter of the Super Bowl? Watch me work
2020: lol
2021: 10 point lead in the 4th quarter of the NFCCG? Watch me work
Which brings us to last year. Somehow, despite everything that happened for TWENTY ****ING YEARS this cut deepest. This wasn’t even fair. I thought I was done with Jimmy. I wasn’t. The guy we traded 3 1sts for went down for the year and we ended up with him long enough for him to be such a fiasco he lost to Denver by Orlovskying before going down for the year and letting the last pick of the draft be the qb
And the last pick of the draft went 10-0
And the last pick of the draft had a shot at taking the niners to the ****ing super bowl
And he broke his elbow
And by halftime the only other qb on the roster had a concussion
And in something unlike anything I have ever seen in my ENTIRE ****ING LIFE a conference title game was being played without a qb
After thinking about this for a few months preparing myself for this season I have decided one thing and one thing only: **** each and every last one of you
With that in mind, welcome to the 2023 NFL Season
Your contenders:
1. Kansas City Chiefs: +600
Get ****ed. **** your Kermit ass QB, **** your morbidly obese coach who can’t keep his own children alive, **** your Kermit ass QB’s brother who sounds like a sexual predator, **** your Kermit ass QB’s wife who sounds like she cucks Kermit on the regular while posting thirst traps for the gram
**** your fanbase. **** your chop that you still do in the year of our lord 2023 for reasons I will never understand. **** your city, **** your state(s). I don’t give a **** if you claim the Chiefs from Kansas or Missouri, you’re a sack of ****. I had to watch you win a super bowl because your woman beating speedster broke open on Richard Sherman who is a man I want to see choke on his own delusion until the final ounce of life leaves his body. I hate you. I will always hate you
2. Philadelphia Eagles: +800
Get your ****ing ass out of here. Josh Johnson was drawing live to beat you until he got a concussion. JOSH JOHNSON! That buffoon has played for 47 football teams in 4 years. Neat little story. **** you anyway. Always Sunny has no redeeming characters cuz everyone in Philly is a malcontent POS. You have a jail in your stadiums. Trea Turner needed to buy billboard advertising to beg you to stop sending his family death threats. The only solace I have in the 9ers losing the NFCCG is you didn’t win the Super Bowl
3. San Francisco 49ers: +1000
I ****ing hate 9er fans with a fire that burns from 20000 suns. Your average 9er fan? Calling into SPORTS TALK RADIO to say Lynch should be lynched and Kyle should be fired because blah blah blah 3 1st round picks for lance blah blah blah Jimmy was the guy who coulda won the super bowl blah blah blah. I’m stuck sitting here rooting for a team whose best player is a Proud Boy. Our QB is from Iowa by way of Arizona so I already know before he opens his mouth he’s right there with Bosa. I visited Levis last year to watch the Rams game and somehow ended up in some insane wind tunnel directly underneath the pathway for where planes land in San Jose international 5 miles away. I was also watching a game in the parking lot of an amusement park for $400/ticket + $60 for a beer and chicken tenders. **** my ****ing life
4. Cincinnati Bengals: +1100
You dipshits give Paul Brown your hard earned money of which you have none. ****ing simps. Skyline chili is the stupidest **** I have ever heard of. You fat ****s sit at the alter of Joe Burrow despite the fact that he’s basically Boomer Esiason with a cigar. Have fun with that. You’re about to make him the highest paid NFL player of all time and there’s a 50/50 chance he’ll have some sort of leg injury that knocks him out for the next 7 seasons.
Also I drafted Chase last year and he was ****. So **** him. **** you too
5. Dallas Cowboys: +1500
Give me a second here….
I hate every single human being associated with this franchise and nothing gets my cock harder than knowing they have spent the last 2 years watching this team lose to the 9ers in the playoffs in the stupidest way imaginable BOTH ****ING TIMES! I have no sympathy for you. I go to sleep every night hoping Jerry Jones dies and wake up every morning furious he hasn’t. You employ Mike McCarthy. You pay some “mental health day” snowflake named Dakota an ungodly sum of money to win never. Micah Parsons gives heavy Clayton Bigsby vibes only Micah knows he’s black.
And the fans of this franchise?
Holy **** you ****ing loser ass dipshits in your loser ass city and your bumass state. If there was a just and loving god Texas would be ethered from existence and we wouldn’t have to pretend you how bout dem cowboy hicks have anything to say that we need to listen to. I will take a personal day when Jimmy Johnson dies to spend it all masturbating
6-32. Who gives a living ****
**** the Jets. Congrats on landing the immunized one. Can’t wait til you turn on him
**** the Ravens. You paid Lamar. Enjoy watching him do nothing
**** the Dolphins. I’m not certain Tua isn’t braindead as of this post
**** all of you. Let us football
g-bebe, should I be excited about this hire?
we've gone from "no one had any expectations for the playoffs" to "an expected SB appearance" in 4.6 seconds Bob. not even Butker would have success kicking at those shifting goalposts
fwiw, Butker has 45% more playoff FGAs than Tucker with the same amount of misses. Tucker hasn't successfully executed nearly as many pressure packed playoff kicks as Butker has
Again, KC fans don't care about getting into the playoffs, or even beating MIA. They care about getting to the SB, as the bar has been set from 3 of the past 4 seasons. That is their bar for success, and rightfully so.
There was simply not a great chance of KC succeeding, any way you cut it. Their run has been historic.
And if you prefer Butker kicking for you over Tucker in any scenario, the proverbial Brooklyn Bridge is still for sale. But I might be mistaken.
The Panthers once had Butker. We stuck with Graham Gano instead.
Again, KC fans don't care about getting into the playoffs, or even beating MIA. They care about getting to the SB, as the bar has been set from 3 of the past 4 seasons. That is their bar for success, and rightfully so.
There was simply not a great chance of KC succeeding, any way you cut it. Their run has been historic.
And if you prefer Butker kicking for you over Tucker in any scenario, the proverbial Brooklyn Bridge is still for sale. But
lol at the first paragraph nonsense. this is the NFL after all
yes in January 2024, i'd rather have Butker as my placekicker
Even though its true. KC fans knew they were going to be in the playoffs. Did they expect much once there? IRT making the SB, no, they did not. Do they care about posting a banner that says "we won a game in 2023 AFC wild card round"? No, they do not.
Again, KC fans don't care about getting into the playoffs, or even beating MIA. They care about getting to the SB, as the bar has been set from 3 of the past 4 seasons. That is their bar for success, and rightfully so.
The first paragraph is what I've said at the beginning of the playoffs and a lot of KC people I've talked to shared that sentiment. The main difference between losing in the WC round and in the AFCCG is that the former gets you a better draft pick.
Before the start of the season it was Superbowl appearance or bust and I didn't see a reason to change that. That said I'm perfectly OK with them losing the SB now.
A couple of the pundits I listen to openly opined, during the darkest days of the season, that it would be better for the Chiefs to somehow miss the playoffs this year to get a better draft pick. They feel dumb now.
I had to talk my dad off the ledge most of the season that there was at least a chance the offense could turn it around enough to complement the defense. I wasn't sure it would happen, but he was sure it wouldn't.
My dad grew up in Queens as a Yankees fan when they won like 10 out of 15 World Series, and he still talks about how painful the years they didn't win were.
Nahh, he grew up in NYC and has lived in KC since 1969. He doesn't do college sports. But he did only really start to live and die by the Chiefs when Mahomes came on board (smart move - he missed out on lots and lots of pain). And come to think of it he was pretty nuts about Michael Jordan. He likes golf but definitely was into that before Tiger came along.
A guy I work with, here in North Carolina, is a University of Arizona fan, an Utah Jazz fan, and a Jacksonville Jaguars fan.
Like, very loyal, and knowledgeable! I never understood how he pulled that off.
whereas before i didn't, i now have a go to answer when a non-NFL fan asks me which franchise has the most delusional fan base
A guy I work with, here in North Carolina, is a University of Arizona fan, an Utah Jazz fan, and a Jacksonville Jaguars fan.
Like, very loyal, and knowledgeable! I never understood how he pulled that off.
I've tried to be a fan of SF teams when I lived there, and now LA teams. It just never stuck beyond mild interest.
You know you're not a real fan if it doesn't hurt when they lose. Only the Chiefs, Royals, Tom Watson, and KU/MU/K-state (to a lesser degree) hurt me when they lose.
Tua to Reek
Too easy
Good for them to participate.
If they really have to go all the way down on the list to Gardner Minshew to find another QB willing to show up they might be better off just canning the Pro Bowl.
NFL players are clearly not interested in having an All Star Game.
I only watched the first few series, but it looks like they were enjoying themselves.
I could understand why someone like Lamar didn't want to be there since he was literally just eliminated last week.
I could understand why someone like Lamar didn't want to be there since he was literally just eliminated last week.
That's obviously understandable and everyone injured, too.
But Gardner Minshew wasn't even on the initial alternate list. No idea how deep that list was but we know that players like Josh Allen and Trevor Lawrence passed.
wasn't Tyler Huntley a pro bowler last year?
Interesting that all the reports are saying Klingsbury hired as the Commanders OC, but no news on Bienemy.
Loooool harbs hired Roman
Run it back! Run it back! Run it back!
perhaps it means they're gonna try to trade for Fields?
