2023 NFL Regular Season
As a niners fan I have spent this entire offseason in a silent rage
The last 20 years of being a niners fan has been an agony unlike any any franchise has ever come across. You can sit there and bemoan being a browns fan or a lions fan or blah blah blah **** you. The reality is in this period of time has blueballed no fanbase more than us *******s.
I sat through Mike Nolan. I sat through Smith over Rodgers. I sat through Mike ****ing god damned cockbreath Singletary. And then…
2011: Kyle Williams single handedly loses the NFCCG by botching returns not once but ****ing twice against the shittiest super bowl champion history has ever seen
2012: Turtle****er has no concept for the play clock and somehow someway I have to sit there and watch Joe Flacco become a super bowl champion
2013: Richard Sherman goes full WWE promo because he tips away a potential game winner in the NFCCG
2014-2017: because of the shittiest GM who has ever breathed air (needle can attest), I end up with 3 years of watching Chip Kelly and something called a Jim Tomsula coach this team into nothingness
2018: thinking he is so ****ing smart that he can trade for someone and flip him later, Lynch trades a 2nd for Jimmy mother****ing Womp
2019: 10 point lead in the 4th quarter of the Super Bowl? Watch me work
2020: lol
2021: 10 point lead in the 4th quarter of the NFCCG? Watch me work
Which brings us to last year. Somehow, despite everything that happened for TWENTY ****ING YEARS this cut deepest. This wasn’t even fair. I thought I was done with Jimmy. I wasn’t. The guy we traded 3 1sts for went down for the year and we ended up with him long enough for him to be such a fiasco he lost to Denver by Orlovskying before going down for the year and letting the last pick of the draft be the qb
And the last pick of the draft went 10-0
And the last pick of the draft had a shot at taking the niners to the ****ing super bowl
And he broke his elbow
And by halftime the only other qb on the roster had a concussion
And in something unlike anything I have ever seen in my ENTIRE ****ING LIFE a conference title game was being played without a qb
After thinking about this for a few months preparing myself for this season I have decided one thing and one thing only: **** each and every last one of you
With that in mind, welcome to the 2023 NFL Season
Your contenders:
1. Kansas City Chiefs: +600
Get ****ed. **** your Kermit ass QB, **** your morbidly obese coach who can’t keep his own children alive, **** your Kermit ass QB’s brother who sounds like a sexual predator, **** your Kermit ass QB’s wife who sounds like she cucks Kermit on the regular while posting thirst traps for the gram
**** your fanbase. **** your chop that you still do in the year of our lord 2023 for reasons I will never understand. **** your city, **** your state(s). I don’t give a **** if you claim the Chiefs from Kansas or Missouri, you’re a sack of ****. I had to watch you win a super bowl because your woman beating speedster broke open on Richard Sherman who is a man I want to see choke on his own delusion until the final ounce of life leaves his body. I hate you. I will always hate you
2. Philadelphia Eagles: +800
Get your ****ing ass out of here. Josh Johnson was drawing live to beat you until he got a concussion. JOSH JOHNSON! That buffoon has played for 47 football teams in 4 years. Neat little story. **** you anyway. Always Sunny has no redeeming characters cuz everyone in Philly is a malcontent POS. You have a jail in your stadiums. Trea Turner needed to buy billboard advertising to beg you to stop sending his family death threats. The only solace I have in the 9ers losing the NFCCG is you didn’t win the Super Bowl
3. San Francisco 49ers: +1000
I ****ing hate 9er fans with a fire that burns from 20000 suns. Your average 9er fan? Calling into SPORTS TALK RADIO to say Lynch should be lynched and Kyle should be fired because blah blah blah 3 1st round picks for lance blah blah blah Jimmy was the guy who coulda won the super bowl blah blah blah. I’m stuck sitting here rooting for a team whose best player is a Proud Boy. Our QB is from Iowa by way of Arizona so I already know before he opens his mouth he’s right there with Bosa. I visited Levis last year to watch the Rams game and somehow ended up in some insane wind tunnel directly underneath the pathway for where planes land in San Jose international 5 miles away. I was also watching a game in the parking lot of an amusement park for $400/ticket + $60 for a beer and chicken tenders. **** my ****ing life
4. Cincinnati Bengals: +1100
You dipshits give Paul Brown your hard earned money of which you have none. ****ing simps. Skyline chili is the stupidest **** I have ever heard of. You fat ****s sit at the alter of Joe Burrow despite the fact that he’s basically Boomer Esiason with a cigar. Have fun with that. You’re about to make him the highest paid NFL player of all time and there’s a 50/50 chance he’ll have some sort of leg injury that knocks him out for the next 7 seasons.
Also I drafted Chase last year and he was ****. So **** him. **** you too
5. Dallas Cowboys: +1500
Give me a second here….
I hate every single human being associated with this franchise and nothing gets my cock harder than knowing they have spent the last 2 years watching this team lose to the 9ers in the playoffs in the stupidest way imaginable BOTH ****ING TIMES! I have no sympathy for you. I go to sleep every night hoping Jerry Jones dies and wake up every morning furious he hasn’t. You employ Mike McCarthy. You pay some “mental health day” snowflake named Dakota an ungodly sum of money to win never. Micah Parsons gives heavy Clayton Bigsby vibes only Micah knows he’s black.
And the fans of this franchise?
Holy **** you ****ing loser ass dipshits in your loser ass city and your bumass state. If there was a just and loving god Texas would be ethered from existence and we wouldn’t have to pretend you how bout dem cowboy hicks have anything to say that we need to listen to. I will take a personal day when Jimmy Johnson dies to spend it all masturbating
6-32. Who gives a living ****
**** the Jets. Congrats on landing the immunized one. Can’t wait til you turn on him
**** the Ravens. You paid Lamar. Enjoy watching him do nothing
**** the Dolphins. I’m not certain Tua isn’t braindead as of this post
**** all of you. Let us football
Bienemy must be ****ing despised by anyone who meets or works with him. Only plausible explanation
Ya I mean there aren’t a whole lot of teams for whom trading for fields makes sense but the raiders are definitely one of them
Trying to figure out who else….Pittsburgh, maybe the giants? Falcons, possibly seattle I guess
But that’s gotta be it
I'm not a fan of Geno (and I kind of am of Fields) but I'd roll with Geno over Fields when you factor in those wideouts.
Other possibilities: Broncos. Everyone has Patriots taking a qb at #3 but if they don't like any of those options. Titans should think about it but won't.
Other possibilities: Broncos. Everyone has Patriots taking a qb at #3 but if they don't like any of those options.
Hard to imagine Fields in a Sean Peyton offense?
Re Patriots, one of Maye and Daniels is going to be available at #3 but it's obviously possible they don't like that option.
Fields could make sense for the Boncos I guess but they just seem too far away. More to the point I guess what he’ll cost is the determining factor but the best case scenario is they’re 3rd place and get a 1 year trial run before figuring out if they wanna extend him. Just don’t see what good it does them
Pretty sure the Bears OC got fired more because Fields isn't a very good QB than his comptence. I have a hard time believing he'd want to have to deal with the same QB on a new team. Dude was Davante's WR coach at GB. Seriously doubt Davante or any WR would be very excited about having Fields as their QB.
Fields could make sense for the Boncos I guess but they just seem too far away. More to the point I guess what he’ll cost is the determining factor but the best case scenario is they’re 3rd place and get a 1 year trial run before figuring out if they wanna extend him. Just don’t see what good it does them
The "good" part would be a pretty cheap QB for the 2024 season while they eat the Wilson dead money. The question is if that would be worth giving up a 2nd round pick + X for that.
One of the problems for the Bears is that a rookie QB couldn't really learn anything from Fields. So keeping him while drafting another QB isn't really an option and that probably hurts his trade value even more.
BTW, as of right now the Commanders have two OC. They've already announced Kingsbury but Bienemy is still under contract and listed on their website as OC.
The more I think about it the raiders and stealers are the only 2 teams that make sense for fields. They both have a lot of talent and are borderline playoff teams with complete dogshit at qb. I don’t think anything of fields but he’s enough of an upgrade for both of them to make them 10 win teams
Really all depends on whether that ceiling is good enough for whoever trades for him
Atlanta best fit.
Bijan, Pitts, and London.
No Arthur Smith.
Unload on Falcons futures to win the NFCS
Pretty sure the Bears OC got fired more because Fields isn't a very good QB than his comptence. I have a hard time believing he'd want to have to deal with the same QB on a new team. Dude was Davante's WR coach at GB. Seriously doubt Davante or any WR would be very excited about having Fields as their QB.
don't disagree but guessing they're not pumped about the Aidan O'Connell era either
there's not nearly enough QBs to go around, so there's gonna be multiple teams talking themselves into truly depressing QB situations.
If rough QB tiers look like this (not just in terms of 2023 performance, but level of team happiness/commitment)
7. Mahomes, Herbert, Allen, Burrow, Jackson, Hurts, Stroud
5. Lawrence, Goff, Stafford, Rodgers, Love
4. Cousins, Prescott, Tua, Kyler
5. Geno, Carr, Richardson, Young, Watson. (a group who are here because their teams are probably committed for this season at least)
that's 21 QBs. And the last group of 5 is already one we're not sure about. And we've got to find another 11 starters plus a load of bridge QBs/high end backups from the rookies and then...
Baker
Wilson
Fields
Pickett
Ridder
Dimes
Minshew
Fields
Howell
Dobbs
Mac Jones
Jimmy G
Darnold
Flacco
Wentz
If you're one of a dozen teams looking at that list...
A team will pay huge $$ for Cousins
Tua's getting extended
Baker's gonna get a far bigger deal than we think if he hits free agency and doesn't give Tampa a discount
Dak is gonna sign the biggest deal in NFL history, either with Dallas or next offseason
[QUOTE=ESPN.com]Bieniemy was considered a long shot to return, but the move became official when Washington hired Kliff Kingsbury as offensive coordinator Sunday night. Quinn said he delivered the news to Bieniemy in person Monday [/QUOTE]
In what world do you tell an employee the "news" of being fired the day after the public knows about the replacement?
Not giving the guy a courtesy call feels like a Dan Snyder memorial move.
In what world do you tell an employee the "news" of being fired the day after the public knows about the replacement?
Not giving the guy a courtesy call feels like a Dan Snyder memorial move.
Or even after they’ve started publicly interviewing for the role
Maybe not in USA#1, but in other markets, if you’re discovered interviewing for a job while the incumbent is still in place, you’re gonna be paying way more severance $$ at a minimum
So Bienemy made a lateral move to go to Washington hoping that would put his name out there as a HC and instead he gets fired as an OC
So…there’s that
So Bienemy made a lateral move to go to Washington hoping that would put his name out there as a HC and instead he gets fired as an OC
So…there’s that
His contract in KC was up anyway though and the job apparently promised to Nagy way before Bienemy actually signed with Washington.
Nobody even thought he would be back in KC for the 2022 season after he signed a one year contract in 2021.
If one thing worked in his favor this season it's that the Chiefs O fell of a cliff without him. But by now it's obviously too late to find another NFL OC job for the 2024 season.
Re Commanders, everything still feels odds about that franchise. Maybe it's because they're "basketball guys" like Ben Johnson said.
The more I think about it the raiders and stealers are the only 2 teams that make sense for fields. They both have a lot of talent and are borderline playoff teams with complete dogshit at qb. I don’t think anything of fields but he’s enough of an upgrade for both of them to make them 10 win teams
Really all depends on whether that ceiling is good enough for whoever trades for him
I'm a Mayfield fan but clear to me TB would be 1-2 wins better with Fields, assuming a coach getting value from his talents.
TEN would likely improve a whole bunch. Levis had his 15 minutes but its time to move on.
CLE has Watson but Fields would be a close to perfect fit when your team has a top 5 D and first downs are at a premium. Who knows if Watson ever comes back to his peak, probably not I suspect.
Of course Jerry would never deal Dak away for Fields, but I have seen enough of Dak and he ain't got it.
I'm a Mayfield fan but clear to me TB would be 1-2 wins better with Fields, assuming a coach getting value from his talents.
TEN would likely improve a whole bunch. Levis had his 15 minutes but its time to move on.
CLE has Watson but Fields would be a close to perfect fit when your team has a top 5 D and first downs are at a premium. Who knows if Watson ever comes back to his peak, probably not I suspect.
Of course Jerry would never deal Dak a
This is quite a post
His contract in KC was up anyway though and the job apparently promised to Nagy way before Bienemy actually signed with Washington.
Nobody even thought he would be back in KC for the 2022 season after he signed a one year contract in 2021.
If one thing worked in his favor this season it's that the Chiefs O fell of a cliff without him. But by now it's obviously too late to find another NFL OC job for the 2024 season.
Re Commanders, everything
Seattle appears to be the only vacant OC job unless Roman wasn’t hired to be the OC
Kind of a rough situation there. Seems improbable that Seattle’s offense is such next year that it leads to anything of consequence for him
On the other hand the alternative is just sitting on your dick for a year
Seattle appears to be the only vacant OC job unless Roman wasn’t hired to be the OC
Kind of a rough situation there. Seems improbable that Seattle’s offense is such next year that it leads to anything of consequence for him
On the other hand the alternative is just sitting on your dick for a year
Tbh if you’re a **** hot OC, Seattle should be a good opportunity.
An average but fine QB who is good enough to make most throws and experienced enough that the game has slowed down. Good receiving corps. Average O line.
Nothing scary there and if you’re good you’ve got enough to work with
I'm a Mayfield fan but clear to me TB would be 1-2 wins better with Fields, assuming a coach getting value from his talents.
TEN would likely improve a whole bunch. Levis had his 15 minutes but its time to move on.
CLE has Watson but Fields would be a close to perfect fit when your team has a top 5 D and first downs are at a premium. Who knows if Watson ever comes back to his peak, probably not I suspect.
Of course Jerry would never deal Dak a
Ok I wasn't sure at first but the Dak one got me, nice try
In fact, ESPN's Seth Wickersham reported Wednesday that San Francisco had been so successful in its diversity hiring that it has drawn the ire of the league's other owners.
"Owners have complained to the league office about the sheer number of compensatory picks the 49ers have received for serving as a pipeline for coaches and executives of color," Wickersham wrote in a lengthy profile of Shanahan ahead of Super Bowl LVIII Sunday between the coach's team and the Kansas City Chiefs.
Also NFL owners: we need the Rooney rule and end racism in the end zones to make people think we care!
Absolutely ****ing ludicrous to complain about this
Incentivizing teams to hire non-white coordinators who may become coaches by giving them compensatory picks if it happens is accidentally the only thing the nfl is doing that encourages diversity in head coaches. Let’s not sit here and pretend the Rooney rule has achieved literally anything other than wasting the token black candidate’s time. Should it come to that? Meh prolly not, but it has clearly panned out. Miami and houston got solid head coaches. The jets…..are the jets
Just a bunch of haters to be upset about comp picks starting at 97.
Also, apparently your QB looks like Lee Harvey Oswald. I wonder if UNLV has a grassy knoll.
