2023 NFL Regular Season
As a niners fan I have spent this entire offseason in a silent rage
The last 20 years of being a niners fan has been an agony unlike any any franchise has ever come across. You can sit there and bemoan being a browns fan or a lions fan or blah blah blah **** you. The reality is in this period of time has blueballed no fanbase more than us *******s.
I sat through Mike Nolan. I sat through Smith over Rodgers. I sat through Mike ****ing god damned cockbreath Singletary. And then…
2011: Kyle Williams single handedly loses the NFCCG by botching returns not once but ****ing twice against the shittiest super bowl champion history has ever seen
2012: Turtle****er has no concept for the play clock and somehow someway I have to sit there and watch Joe Flacco become a super bowl champion
2013: Richard Sherman goes full WWE promo because he tips away a potential game winner in the NFCCG
2014-2017: because of the shittiest GM who has ever breathed air (needle can attest), I end up with 3 years of watching Chip Kelly and something called a Jim Tomsula coach this team into nothingness
2018: thinking he is so ****ing smart that he can trade for someone and flip him later, Lynch trades a 2nd for Jimmy mother****ing Womp
2019: 10 point lead in the 4th quarter of the Super Bowl? Watch me work
2020: lol
2021: 10 point lead in the 4th quarter of the NFCCG? Watch me work
Which brings us to last year. Somehow, despite everything that happened for TWENTY ****ING YEARS this cut deepest. This wasn’t even fair. I thought I was done with Jimmy. I wasn’t. The guy we traded 3 1sts for went down for the year and we ended up with him long enough for him to be such a fiasco he lost to Denver by Orlovskying before going down for the year and letting the last pick of the draft be the qb
And the last pick of the draft went 10-0
And the last pick of the draft had a shot at taking the niners to the ****ing super bowl
And he broke his elbow
And by halftime the only other qb on the roster had a concussion
And in something unlike anything I have ever seen in my ENTIRE ****ING LIFE a conference title game was being played without a qb
After thinking about this for a few months preparing myself for this season I have decided one thing and one thing only: **** each and every last one of you
With that in mind, welcome to the 2023 NFL Season
Your contenders:
1. Kansas City Chiefs: +600
Get ****ed. **** your Kermit ass QB, **** your morbidly obese coach who can’t keep his own children alive, **** your Kermit ass QB’s brother who sounds like a sexual predator, **** your Kermit ass QB’s wife who sounds like she cucks Kermit on the regular while posting thirst traps for the gram
**** your fanbase. **** your chop that you still do in the year of our lord 2023 for reasons I will never understand. **** your city, **** your state(s). I don’t give a **** if you claim the Chiefs from Kansas or Missouri, you’re a sack of ****. I had to watch you win a super bowl because your woman beating speedster broke open on Richard Sherman who is a man I want to see choke on his own delusion until the final ounce of life leaves his body. I hate you. I will always hate you
2. Philadelphia Eagles: +800
Get your ****ing ass out of here. Josh Johnson was drawing live to beat you until he got a concussion. JOSH JOHNSON! That buffoon has played for 47 football teams in 4 years. Neat little story. **** you anyway. Always Sunny has no redeeming characters cuz everyone in Philly is a malcontent POS. You have a jail in your stadiums. Trea Turner needed to buy billboard advertising to beg you to stop sending his family death threats. The only solace I have in the 9ers losing the NFCCG is you didn’t win the Super Bowl
3. San Francisco 49ers: +1000
I ****ing hate 9er fans with a fire that burns from 20000 suns. Your average 9er fan? Calling into SPORTS TALK RADIO to say Lynch should be lynched and Kyle should be fired because blah blah blah 3 1st round picks for lance blah blah blah Jimmy was the guy who coulda won the super bowl blah blah blah. I’m stuck sitting here rooting for a team whose best player is a Proud Boy. Our QB is from Iowa by way of Arizona so I already know before he opens his mouth he’s right there with Bosa. I visited Levis last year to watch the Rams game and somehow ended up in some insane wind tunnel directly underneath the pathway for where planes land in San Jose international 5 miles away. I was also watching a game in the parking lot of an amusement park for $400/ticket + $60 for a beer and chicken tenders. **** my ****ing life
4. Cincinnati Bengals: +1100
You dipshits give Paul Brown your hard earned money of which you have none. ****ing simps. Skyline chili is the stupidest **** I have ever heard of. You fat ****s sit at the alter of Joe Burrow despite the fact that he’s basically Boomer Esiason with a cigar. Have fun with that. You’re about to make him the highest paid NFL player of all time and there’s a 50/50 chance he’ll have some sort of leg injury that knocks him out for the next 7 seasons.
Also I drafted Chase last year and he was ****. So **** him. **** you too
5. Dallas Cowboys: +1500
Give me a second here….
I hate every single human being associated with this franchise and nothing gets my cock harder than knowing they have spent the last 2 years watching this team lose to the 9ers in the playoffs in the stupidest way imaginable BOTH ****ING TIMES! I have no sympathy for you. I go to sleep every night hoping Jerry Jones dies and wake up every morning furious he hasn’t. You employ Mike McCarthy. You pay some “mental health day” snowflake named Dakota an ungodly sum of money to win never. Micah Parsons gives heavy Clayton Bigsby vibes only Micah knows he’s black.
And the fans of this franchise?
Holy **** you ****ing loser ass dipshits in your loser ass city and your bumass state. If there was a just and loving god Texas would be ethered from existence and we wouldn’t have to pretend you how bout dem cowboy hicks have anything to say that we need to listen to. I will take a personal day when Jimmy Johnson dies to spend it all masturbating
6-32. Who gives a living ****
**** the Jets. Congrats on landing the immunized one. Can’t wait til you turn on him
**** the Ravens. You paid Lamar. Enjoy watching him do nothing
**** the Dolphins. I’m not certain Tua isn’t braindead as of this post
**** all of you. Let us football
The funniest thing about the jawsh vote is they had lamar 3rd
The guy does a write up of why and his points are all pretty reasonable.
After I saw a straw poll on ESPN of flacco winning comeback wanted to bet it but was no where to online.
Myles Garrett winning DPOY over Watt, Parsons, Crosby, etc is a joke
Flacco/Hamlin isn't really comparable though....Hamlin is his own lane for obvious reasons.
But once comparing Flacco to other QB's, he played 5 games and wasn't as good as them (Tua, Stafford) so why would he win? It just doesn't really make sense other than media got swept up in his narrative/story.
Yeah I'd be fine with neither of them winning, really. Hamlin sentimental favorite for sure, but what'd the guy have, like 2 tackles in 5 total games played, mostly on ST?
But once comparing Flacco to other QB's, he played 5 games and wasn't as good as them (Tua, Stafford) so why would he win? It just doesn't really make sense other than media got swept up in his narrative/story.
With Tua and Stafford I guess a lot of voters didn't even consider them eligible for the award? There's no precise definition of the criteria, you don't have to finish the previous season on IR or something. We don't even know what exactly somebody has to come back from.
Should Mahomes be voted for next season if he comes back from his worst statistical season as a starter and all the adversity that came with having bad receivers?
Flacco a better comeback than tua or Stafford in that it was very very unexpected
who has a better story than joe the flacbert
Yeah I'd be fine with neither of them winning, really. Hamlin sentimental favorite for sure, but what'd the guy have, like 2 tackles in 5 total games played, mostly on ST?
yeah i was gonna say did he actually come back, every time i saw him this year he was on the sideline in a tracksuit
With Tua and Stafford I guess a lot of voters didn't even consider them eligible for the award? There's no precise definition of the criteria, you don't have to finish the previous season on IR or something. We don't even know what exactly somebody has to come back from.
Should Mahomes be voted for next season if he comes back from his worst statistical season as a starter and all the adversity that came with having bad receivers?
paging bahbahmickey
Streaming fans rejoice, Amazon bought a Wild Card round playoff game for next season.
They're expected to pay significantly more than the $110mil NBCU paid for the Chiefs - Dolphins game this year. That game averaged 23mil viewers across Peacock and local NBC affiliates which was >10% more than the Chargers - Jaguars game on regular TV in the same time slot last year.
Streaming fans rejoice, Amazon bought a Wild Card round playoff game for next season.
They're expected to pay significantly more than the $110mil NBCU paid for the Chiefs - Dolphins game this year. That game averaged 23mil viewers across Peacock and local NBC affiliates which was >10% more than the Chargers - Jaguars game on regular TV in the same time slot last year.
If playoff games have to be on a streaming service then Amazon >>> Pisscock, you get a whole seasons worth of TNF, much better selection of movies/shows and free shipping you aren’t just paying for one game.
Don't know if I'd be getting excited over a whole season of TNF, and The Office >>>>>>> any shows on Amazon.
Free shipping is good tho
If playoff games have to be on a streaming service then Amazon >>> Pisscock, you get a whole seasons worth of TNF, much better selection of movies/shows and free shipping you aren’t just paying for one game.
2.8mil people signed up for Peacock on game day. I assume a bunch of them did one month for $5.99 (or whatever it is) and canceled again immediately.
Luckily all of them offer monthly options.
2.8mil people signed up for Peacock on game day. I assume a bunch of them did one month for $5.99 (or whatever it is) and canceled again immediately.
Luckily all of them offer monthly options.
200M people are already subscribed to Prime Video vs 30M for Peacock so a big chunk of those 2.8M will be spared from having to do the whole signup/cancel dance, the peacock stream quality itself was also horrific
200M people are already subscribed to Prime Video vs 30M for Peacock so a big chunk of those 2.8M will be spared from having to do the whole signup/cancel dance, the peacock stream quality itself was also horrific
Is Amazon Prime in the US up to 200mil subscribers? I remember reading last year that analysts were unhappy with them being flat or even slightly down from 170mil in 2021.
Sucks to hear the Peacock quality was bad. Game on broadcast TV for me so I didn't have to stream. But I'm usually happy with their quality for Premier League and cycling. I hope they have that figured out in time for the Olympics.
I watched all the SNF games on Peacock. No real issues for me.
If playoff games have to be on a streaming service then Amazon >>> Pisscock, you get a whole seasons worth of TNF, much better selection of movies/shows and free shipping you aren’t just paying for one game.
I wonder if Amazon will jack up the price of Prime another ten bucks a year to ensure a profit on the deal.
Bezos is known for being a jack up. That’s for sure.
Bears say they wont trade the #1 pick unless its a “crazy (good) offer”. Reports are they’ll look to keep the pick and take either Caleb Williams, Drake Maye, or Jayden Daniels.
I think Fields has promise and there’s zero guarantee:
1. They pick the right QB who actually excels.
2. None of them could “be that good”.
DJ Moore has championed Fields cause recently. I say trade the damn #1 for an amazing package of picks AND players. You still have #9 to take a blue chip type prospect. And build around Fields!
You know what would be a great deal for the Bears #1
Tua
Imagine that offense with Tua and Fields. Do it, Chicago. Do it.
Bears say they wont trade the #1 pick unless its a “crazy (good) offer”. Reports are they’ll look to keep the pick and take either Caleb Williams, Drake Maye, or Jayden Daniels.
I think Fields has promise and there’s zero guarantee:
1. They pick the right QB who actually excels.
2. None of them could “be that good”.
DJ Moore has championed Fields cause recently. I say trade the damn #1 for an amazing package of picks AND players. You still h
You need more than promise though. You have to pay him big $$ if you keep him and he hasn’t really developed. Hard to imagine him ever being a top tier QB
You have 3 additional cost controlled years with Maye or Williams and an uncapped ceiling. I reckon it’s a no brained
