2023 NFL Regular Season
As a niners fan I have spent this entire offseason in a silent rage
The last 20 years of being a niners fan has been an agony unlike any any franchise has ever come across. You can sit there and bemoan being a browns fan or a lions fan or blah blah blah **** you. The reality is in this period of time has blueballed no fanbase more than us *******s.
I sat through Mike Nolan. I sat through Smith over Rodgers. I sat through Mike ****ing god damned cockbreath Singletary. And then…
2011: Kyle Williams single handedly loses the NFCCG by botching returns not once but ****ing twice against the shittiest super bowl champion history has ever seen
2012: Turtle****er has no concept for the play clock and somehow someway I have to sit there and watch Joe Flacco become a super bowl champion
2013: Richard Sherman goes full WWE promo because he tips away a potential game winner in the NFCCG
2014-2017: because of the shittiest GM who has ever breathed air (needle can attest), I end up with 3 years of watching Chip Kelly and something called a Jim Tomsula coach this team into nothingness
2018: thinking he is so ****ing smart that he can trade for someone and flip him later, Lynch trades a 2nd for Jimmy mother****ing Womp
2019: 10 point lead in the 4th quarter of the Super Bowl? Watch me work
2020: lol
2021: 10 point lead in the 4th quarter of the NFCCG? Watch me work
Which brings us to last year. Somehow, despite everything that happened for TWENTY ****ING YEARS this cut deepest. This wasn’t even fair. I thought I was done with Jimmy. I wasn’t. The guy we traded 3 1sts for went down for the year and we ended up with him long enough for him to be such a fiasco he lost to Denver by Orlovskying before going down for the year and letting the last pick of the draft be the qb
And the last pick of the draft went 10-0
And the last pick of the draft had a shot at taking the niners to the ****ing super bowl
And he broke his elbow
And by halftime the only other qb on the roster had a concussion
And in something unlike anything I have ever seen in my ENTIRE ****ING LIFE a conference title game was being played without a qb
After thinking about this for a few months preparing myself for this season I have decided one thing and one thing only: **** each and every last one of you
With that in mind, welcome to the 2023 NFL Season
Your contenders:
1. Kansas City Chiefs: +600
Get ****ed. **** your Kermit ass QB, **** your morbidly obese coach who can’t keep his own children alive, **** your Kermit ass QB’s brother who sounds like a sexual predator, **** your Kermit ass QB’s wife who sounds like she cucks Kermit on the regular while posting thirst traps for the gram
**** your fanbase. **** your chop that you still do in the year of our lord 2023 for reasons I will never understand. **** your city, **** your state(s). I don’t give a **** if you claim the Chiefs from Kansas or Missouri, you’re a sack of ****. I had to watch you win a super bowl because your woman beating speedster broke open on Richard Sherman who is a man I want to see choke on his own delusion until the final ounce of life leaves his body. I hate you. I will always hate you
2. Philadelphia Eagles: +800
Get your ****ing ass out of here. Josh Johnson was drawing live to beat you until he got a concussion. JOSH JOHNSON! That buffoon has played for 47 football teams in 4 years. Neat little story. **** you anyway. Always Sunny has no redeeming characters cuz everyone in Philly is a malcontent POS. You have a jail in your stadiums. Trea Turner needed to buy billboard advertising to beg you to stop sending his family death threats. The only solace I have in the 9ers losing the NFCCG is you didn’t win the Super Bowl
3. San Francisco 49ers: +1000
I ****ing hate 9er fans with a fire that burns from 20000 suns. Your average 9er fan? Calling into SPORTS TALK RADIO to say Lynch should be lynched and Kyle should be fired because blah blah blah 3 1st round picks for lance blah blah blah Jimmy was the guy who coulda won the super bowl blah blah blah. I’m stuck sitting here rooting for a team whose best player is a Proud Boy. Our QB is from Iowa by way of Arizona so I already know before he opens his mouth he’s right there with Bosa. I visited Levis last year to watch the Rams game and somehow ended up in some insane wind tunnel directly underneath the pathway for where planes land in San Jose international 5 miles away. I was also watching a game in the parking lot of an amusement park for $400/ticket + $60 for a beer and chicken tenders. **** my ****ing life
4. Cincinnati Bengals: +1100
You dipshits give Paul Brown your hard earned money of which you have none. ****ing simps. Skyline chili is the stupidest **** I have ever heard of. You fat ****s sit at the alter of Joe Burrow despite the fact that he’s basically Boomer Esiason with a cigar. Have fun with that. You’re about to make him the highest paid NFL player of all time and there’s a 50/50 chance he’ll have some sort of leg injury that knocks him out for the next 7 seasons.
Also I drafted Chase last year and he was ****. So **** him. **** you too
5. Dallas Cowboys: +1500
Give me a second here….
I hate every single human being associated with this franchise and nothing gets my cock harder than knowing they have spent the last 2 years watching this team lose to the 9ers in the playoffs in the stupidest way imaginable BOTH ****ING TIMES! I have no sympathy for you. I go to sleep every night hoping Jerry Jones dies and wake up every morning furious he hasn’t. You employ Mike McCarthy. You pay some “mental health day” snowflake named Dakota an ungodly sum of money to win never. Micah Parsons gives heavy Clayton Bigsby vibes only Micah knows he’s black.
And the fans of this franchise?
Holy **** you ****ing loser ass dipshits in your loser ass city and your bumass state. If there was a just and loving god Texas would be ethered from existence and we wouldn’t have to pretend you how bout dem cowboy hicks have anything to say that we need to listen to. I will take a personal day when Jimmy Johnson dies to spend it all masturbating
6-32. Who gives a living ****
**** the Jets. Congrats on landing the immunized one. Can’t wait til you turn on him
**** the Ravens. You paid Lamar. Enjoy watching him do nothing
**** the Dolphins. I’m not certain Tua isn’t braindead as of this post
**** all of you. Let us football
Niners post mortem:
They’re still the best team in the nfc, so they’ll have another swing next year. What cuts deep is in prior years I could say ‘well they just need an X and they’ll be fine.’ There’s really nowhere left for them to improve and they couldn’t beat the weakest chefs team in the mahomes era. And the ravens crushed them
If not now there may not be an ever under Kyle with this core since they have nowhere to go from here but regr
the Biting Kneecaps tho
Niners post mortem:
They’re still the best team in the nfc, so they’ll have another swing next year. What cuts deep is in prior years I could say ‘well they just need an X and they’ll be fine.’ There’s really nowhere left for them to improve and they couldn’t beat the weakest chefs team in the mahomes era. And the ravens crushed them
If not now there may not be an ever under Kyle with this core since
Why do you think Deebo is a flip to be gone? Looks like real cap is $28 versus dead of $26, so I don't see him going anywhere. 2025 will be a conversation at its $24 real versus $15 dead, but even that would be tough if he's still playing at this level. Then not under contract past 2025, but he still has cap hits for 2026 and 2027 due to the void years.
With a salary cap in place in the NFL you can't create a team that is ALWAYS going to beat other playoff teams. SF put together a team that was favored by 2 over KC and after watching the SB I think SF should have been favored by more than a FG vs KC - Deebo was playing hurt and Greenlaw missed over the 1/2 the game and despite the injuries SF just looked better.
SFs defense was solid and made fans wonder if purdy or mahomes was more of a game manager. I haven't seen the advanced stats but I assume purdy gave up .5 expected turnovers where mahomes was probably closer to 1.8 with his INT, the almost INT he threw in the endzone from the 10 or 15 when he was rolling to his right, the one throw he made over 20 yards into double coverage when the underneath defender seemed to be heading right under the ball but then stopped as if he just looked directly into the sun and the horrendous backwards pitch that was a fastball off his RBs shoulder pad from 3 yards away but was recovered by the RB.
Anyone who beat SF -2 or SF ML should be able to sit back today and know they made the right play. Anyone who bet KC ML should seriously consider not betting anymore as KC ML was +110 and mahomes MVP was +130 and there is absolutly no way MVP voters would allow KC to win the SB and not have Mahomes be MVP.
Why do you think Deebo is a flip to be gone? Looks like real cap is $28 versus dead of $26, so I don't see him going anywhere. 2025 will be a conversation at its $24 real versus $15 dead, but even that would be tough if he's still playing at this level. Then not under contract past 2025, but he still has cap hits for 2026 and 2027 due to the void years.
The nuances of the cap escape me but the Niners are fast approaching a situation where every dollar helps. Even if the cap gain next year is negligible it’s not nothing. Plus there’s a solid amount of draft capital to be gained which they are going to need
Plus they have receiver depth
Idk, it would shock me but it also wouldn’t at all
I thought they had to run a play at the end of OT because the playclock was 1 second ahead of the gameclock.
They did. I assume he meant that was the plan even if they could have let the game clock expire. You obviously don't want to rush a play there but not giving the 49ers D any rest sounds like a smart decision.
Which brings up the question if Shanahan should have called timeout there?
They did. I assume he meant that was the plan even if they could have let the game clock expire. You obviously don't want to rush a play there but not giving the 49ers D any rest sounds like a smart decision.
Which brings up the question if Shanahan should have called timeout there?
Yes, but knowing only Xs and 0s doesn't give a coach insight on stuff like that.
I had no idea either one of these guys played college football.
Why do you think Deebo is a flip to be gone? Looks like real cap is $28 versus dead of $26, so I don't see him going anywhere. 2025 will be a conversation at its $24 real versus $15 dead, but even that would be tough if he's still playing at this level. Then not under contract past 2025, but he still has cap hits for 2026 and 2027 due to the void years.
I wrote this in the game thread yesterday
they're a little overthecap next year.
most of their best players have a lot of dead cap still. they can post June 1 trade or cut quite a few of the top guys and get some cap savings, but I wonder if they'd do that?
they can extend Aiyuk to save maybe $10m or trade him to save it all. ($14m currently)
The guy they can get out of cheapest is McCaffrey but they're not doing that. And it wouldn't be smart to extend him.
They could save $7m by cutting Dre Greenlaw but he's still great value and he'll be injured through the offseason which (I think) means they would have to pay him anyway but I'm not sure about that?
If I had to trade one of the highest paid guys it would probably be Samuel. I do think he's really good but less essential than the others and they could save $21m on next year
maybe Armstead ($18m saving) too given they have Hargrave and Bosa?
What exactly is Chris Jones contract situation? he's just a UFA now? can he be tagged? was he given assurances he wont be?
hes a sure fire HOFer now i think and not really all that old, would think he gets paid a big deal
if the chiefs could go b2b after losing reek then its hard to ding their chances next year too much w/ him gone
He can be tagged as far as I understand it. If you’re the chefs there’s just no way you can let him be a UFA
What exactly is Chris Jones contract situation? he's just a UFA now? can he be tagged? was he given assurances he wont be?
hes a sure fire HOFer now i think and not really all that old, would think he gets paid a big deal
if the chiefs could go b2b after losing reek then its hard to ding their chances next year too much w/ him gone
They can tag him but that's going to be for >$32mil I think.
He's said multiple times that he wants to be a Chief for life but it looks like that won't happen.
L'jarius Sneed is the more likely tag candidate if they can't work something out with him. At least one of them is gone. My guess is both.
Chris Jones 3/90/60 with $40m in yr 1. Who says no?
ends up being 2 years 60 because NFL
tbh I think both sides may say no to this but IDK.
- Jones because Donald signed 3-95/95 extension 2 years ago when the cap was lower and he wasn't even a free agent.
- the Rams gave 3 'thank you' contracts after their SB and I think they'd probably be keen to get out of at least 2 of them now but they can't without large dead cap hits
I was in Brazil during some of the playoffs. Caught a little bit of some playoff games, which were, of course, in Portuguese.
Got me to wondering: @feelwrath and anybody else in English-speaking lands, do they use local commentators, or just have the US audio?
Australia and New Zealand got Chris Fowler, Dan Orlovsky and one of the McCourtys I think.
Australia and New Zealand got Chris Fowler, Dan Orlovsky and one of the McCourtys I think.
ESPN has the rights there. Maybe some stations would simulcast a feed depending on the country.
The entire list is here. Funniest part is all of the Chinese propaganda local sports channels. https://www.nfl.com/super-bowl/ways-to-w...
